Oh, what price ye passion claim?
A short story of Passion.25 total reviews
Comment from MijelzazCaroon
Ah, the penalty for that which we should not possess. Fleeting moments, that itch beneath the skin, the insanity that keeps us sane. Too bad your character detests the life she has. Well written, and provocative.
reply by the author on 15-May-2009
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Ah, the penalty for that which we should not possess. Fleeting moments, that itch beneath the skin, the insanity that keeps us sane. Too bad your character detests the life she has. Well written, and provocative.
Comment Written 12-May-2009
reply by the author on 15-May-2009
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Hi MijelzazCaroon. This was an important write for me and I am most flattered that you reached back for it. It was a gut write. Something I pulled from inside. Thank you so much for reviewing. Zee
Comment from LGPutzer
Wow! This definitely made me think. I admire the hook of the first sentence in the first paragraph. It's the most important part of the story and you did a really good job with that part.
The story left me wondering who the man was that came from the potion. Was it her perfect image of how she wished her husband could be, or a completely different person all together?
I wasn't certain, based on the story, if she was calling upon someone she wanted to have an affair with. Perhaps, a slight hint about how she conjured up the image of this dream man in her mind, I think, would enhance the story, and make me want to know more about the him.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2008
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Wow! This definitely made me think. I admire the hook of the first sentence in the first paragraph. It's the most important part of the story and you did a really good job with that part.
The story left me wondering who the man was that came from the potion. Was it her perfect image of how she wished her husband could be, or a completely different person all together?
I wasn't certain, based on the story, if she was calling upon someone she wanted to have an affair with. Perhaps, a slight hint about how she conjured up the image of this dream man in her mind, I think, would enhance the story, and make me want to know more about the him.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2008
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It is a mystery even to me. I just write what falls out of my head. I want to thank you for this wonderful comment. It made my day. Thanks.
Comment from Annmuma
A sensual tale, well woven and well written. Grabs the reader's attention from the first words --well maybe that 'mature content' notice did that-- and doesn't let go until the end. Always a price to pay. Good imagery. ann
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2008
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A sensual tale, well woven and well written. Grabs the reader's attention from the first words --well maybe that 'mature content' notice did that-- and doesn't let go until the end. Always a price to pay. Good imagery. ann
Comment Written 07-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2008
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Annmuma... thank you so much for the review. I appreciate it.
Comment from Sleep
Hi ZeeZee,
This is an amazingly sensual and sensuous piece of literature.
Extremely interesting in addition and held the attention without any effort whatsoever.
Could easily have been much longer, but would struggle to be done any better!
Regards,
Sleep.................................
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2008
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Hi ZeeZee,
This is an amazingly sensual and sensuous piece of literature.
Extremely interesting in addition and held the attention without any effort whatsoever.
Could easily have been much longer, but would struggle to be done any better!
Regards,
Sleep.................................
Comment Written 02-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2008
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Sleep, what an interesting name. I am very thankful for your comment.
Comment from Jonez08
Excellent story. and well written, sensual with mystery in the air. Very creative and It captured me from the beginning. Passion does have its price. thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2008
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Excellent story. and well written, sensual with mystery in the air. Very creative and It captured me from the beginning. Passion does have its price. thanks for sharing
Comment Written 02-Apr-2008
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2008
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Thank you for the nice comment Jonez08, I so appreciate it. ZeeZee
Comment from Paradox Tremors
Liked. And found it to be a good, solid read. Thought the story flowed really well. I did not notice any misspellings or any snags that might distract from this piece...
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2008
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Liked. And found it to be a good, solid read. Thought the story flowed really well. I did not notice any misspellings or any snags that might distract from this piece...
Comment Written 31-Mar-2008
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2008
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Thank you Paradox. I appreciate the comment.
Comment from steevie
This is an excellent write. The contrast between a lover wanted and a husband not. You used descriptive words that made the story come 'alive' and it was easy to follow the events in the eye's mind as I read.
Is a lover despised, better than no lover at all?
steve
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2008
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This is an excellent write. The contrast between a lover wanted and a husband not. You used descriptive words that made the story come 'alive' and it was easy to follow the events in the eye's mind as I read.
Is a lover despised, better than no lover at all?
steve
Comment Written 30-Mar-2008
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2008
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Thank you for the generous comments. I appreciate it very much. Zee
Comment from Earthwriter
very nice piece you painted a picture of passion and lust and i found it very entertaining i like your writing style and would like to see more of your work
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2008
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very nice piece you painted a picture of passion and lust and i found it very entertaining i like your writing style and would like to see more of your work
Comment Written 29-Mar-2008
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2008
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Thank You Earthwriter. I appreciate your taking the time to read my story and comment. Your words are very encouraging to me. Thank you. ZeeZee
Comment from Dreamdancer
Hello my friend,
Awesome story. You had me captive from beginning to end. The imagery was well penned and the flow made for a smooth easy read.... Thank you for sharing.... Dreamdancer
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2008
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Hello my friend,
Awesome story. You had me captive from beginning to end. The imagery was well penned and the flow made for a smooth easy read.... Thank you for sharing.... Dreamdancer
Comment Written 29-Mar-2008
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2008
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Thank you dreamdancer.. this is a favorite piece of mine. I appreciate your time it read it and comment. ZeeZee
Comment from LateBloomer
Hello zeezeewriter,
You get very high marks here ... you've proven that mature fiction can be written without the ugliest and most voile words. I applaude you.
This story just drew me in from the very first line to the very last line. I liked the twist at the end. I knew one was coming but wouldn't have guess this one - good job.
The following line made me wonder if perhaps the whole week in Paris was perhaps a fantasy ...
No one missed them or even noticed their departure.
Or perhps she was in Paris, but alone or maybe for that one week her husband became the man of her fantasies ...
Their "surrogate" bodies went to work and ate dinner and played ball and made love while their real selves walked together in the world unseen, and unnoticed.
And at the end of the week ... it was back to business as usual - the "genie" had to be put back into the bottle - gone but not forgotten.
I didn't notice any SPG errors. However, I ususally read for content as good writing is an art given to one by God. SPG can always be learned and that's what editors are for.
This was an enjoyable read. Keep writing.
Regards, LateBloomer
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2008
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Hello zeezeewriter,
You get very high marks here ... you've proven that mature fiction can be written without the ugliest and most voile words. I applaude you.
This story just drew me in from the very first line to the very last line. I liked the twist at the end. I knew one was coming but wouldn't have guess this one - good job.
The following line made me wonder if perhaps the whole week in Paris was perhaps a fantasy ...
No one missed them or even noticed their departure.
Or perhps she was in Paris, but alone or maybe for that one week her husband became the man of her fantasies ...
Their "surrogate" bodies went to work and ate dinner and played ball and made love while their real selves walked together in the world unseen, and unnoticed.
And at the end of the week ... it was back to business as usual - the "genie" had to be put back into the bottle - gone but not forgotten.
I didn't notice any SPG errors. However, I ususally read for content as good writing is an art given to one by God. SPG can always be learned and that's what editors are for.
This was an enjoyable read. Keep writing.
Regards, LateBloomer
Comment Written 27-Mar-2008
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2008
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Thank you so much LateBloomer, I am always in the learning mode. Your comments are music to my ears. I thank you and respect your opinion. Zee
