Holocaust
Vers Beaucoup85 total reviews
Comment from hopeishigh
This is excellent and very good and I enjoyed it in it's extremes, for I says all that was true and it happens more and more, well written and very nice flow and rhyme!!!@
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2008
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This is excellent and very good and I enjoyed it in it's extremes, for I says all that was true and it happens more and more, well written and very nice flow and rhyme!!!@
Comment Written 11-Mar-2008
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2008
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Thank you so much for your kind words and comments. it is appreciated.
Curt
Comment from LateBloomer
You have penned a powerful poem filled with imagery of a horrid event in history. I particularly liked the following lines:
They would come for some in the slum.
Playing dumb, we defend not a friend.
(protests are not always bad - sometimes
they are a necessity of life)
The poem reads and flows well and my only suggestion is on the following line:
Sealed our fate with a pen and men.
... a pen (singular) and men (plural).
I stumbled as I read this line and I read the poem a few times.
Although pen and men rhyme, I think it didn't read as smoothly as the rest of the poem because, perhaps, pen is singular and men is plural or it may be the number of syllables on the line - I'm not sure. Here's a suggestion ...
Sealed our fate with a pen and (some/many/military) men.
As my profile says ... I'm a novice.
This was an enlightening read. Keep writing.
Regards, LateBloomer
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2008
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You have penned a powerful poem filled with imagery of a horrid event in history. I particularly liked the following lines:
They would come for some in the slum.
Playing dumb, we defend not a friend.
(protests are not always bad - sometimes
they are a necessity of life)
The poem reads and flows well and my only suggestion is on the following line:
Sealed our fate with a pen and men.
... a pen (singular) and men (plural).
I stumbled as I read this line and I read the poem a few times.
Although pen and men rhyme, I think it didn't read as smoothly as the rest of the poem because, perhaps, pen is singular and men is plural or it may be the number of syllables on the line - I'm not sure. Here's a suggestion ...
Sealed our fate with a pen and (some/many/military) men.
As my profile says ... I'm a novice.
This was an enlightening read. Keep writing.
Regards, LateBloomer
Comment Written 11-Mar-2008
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2008
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It has been suggested I remove the "a" from the line, but to give you the reasons it is there, it is to give the reader the idea that a pen, used to sign a document of condemnation, was used, as well as men, to produce the Holocaust. Some people are thinking of a pen as in an enclosure for animals, and I did not want there to be any confusion in my meaning.
If it still bothers you, I'm sorry, I'm leaving it in! (lol)
Thanks for your comments my friend,
Curt
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Hello Curt,
Nothing is bothering me - actually not much bothers me - LOL.
I never thought of "pen" meaning anything but a writing pen - actually the pen was o.k. I felt it was "men" that needed further expanding.
Keep writing. Regards, LateBloomer (lady novice - smiley face)
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Gotcha! I get so many people saying this and that, my head spins sometimes. It's a matter of principle in the rhyming scheme that prevents me from changing it. This is a new style, with a three word limit on each rhyme and minimal syllable count. Anything added would detract from the form.
Thanks again and take care,
Curt
Comment from wizard_of_oz
Sad to think of the ravages of war. I like the truth and wisdom in each line. The effect is horrifying. Many children became fatherless and the nations economy is greatly affected just because of power greed. I like the message you impart in this piece. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2008
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Sad to think of the ravages of war. I like the truth and wisdom in each line. The effect is horrifying. Many children became fatherless and the nations economy is greatly affected just because of power greed. I like the message you impart in this piece. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2008
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2008
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Thank you for your insightful review. It is a tregedy that history repeats itself.
One day I hope we learn.
Curt
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Curt, if it is not an established form, maybe you established one of your own. How cool would that be? This is a wonderful poem, full of rhyme, imagery, and the horrors of that day and age. May we never forget, indeed, less we make that same mistake of ignoring something that horrific again.
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2008
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Curt, if it is not an established form, maybe you established one of your own. How cool would that be? This is a wonderful poem, full of rhyme, imagery, and the horrors of that day and age. May we never forget, indeed, less we make that same mistake of ignoring something that horrific again.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2008
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2008
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It would be, but I still have trouble believing no one has ever written a work like this before! If it is new, I will call it Circadian Rhythm. It fits the style. Either that, or I can sell it to rap artists!
Thanks for your kindest of comments.
Curt
Comment from lady_malki
Wow. I just finished teaching the Holocaust to my six graders and the last few stanzas really hit home with your descriptive views and use of imagery. Clever Rhyme pattern which I'm sure was challenging to stick to. Excellent overall. Can't wait to read more!
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2008
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Wow. I just finished teaching the Holocaust to my six graders and the last few stanzas really hit home with your descriptive views and use of imagery. Clever Rhyme pattern which I'm sure was challenging to stick to. Excellent overall. Can't wait to read more!
Comment Written 10-Mar-2008
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2008
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I have another one in the same style brewing as we speak. I took a break from writing it to answer reviews!
I'm so glad you enjoyed my writing.
Thank you,
Curt
Comment from P1
with a pen and men. - in my humble opinion i would leave out the "a" but i am just a beginer so i stoop to other reviews. great piece loved it hugs.
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2008
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with a pen and men. - in my humble opinion i would leave out the "a" but i am just a beginer so i stoop to other reviews. great piece loved it hugs.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2008
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2008
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(laughing and smiling) For a beginner, you may be right! You're not the first to mention this pesky little a. But don't you think it gives the reader, (the real readers, not beginners) the sense of it being an actual writing instrument and not an enclosed area reserved for livestock? To me, that simple little a makes the difference between the two. That's why I left it in.
Maybe it's a cultural or geographical difference. Who knows?
Anyway, you know I value your opinion, so I will keep a careful eye on the comments. If I get another one, I may be w,w, wr, wrong. Ouch, that hurt!
Take care,
Curt
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its ok. you are a guy the word wrong always
hurts a little, but you will be ok. yeah i actaully
see what you mean re pen as in enclosure so wipe
your brow, breathe deeply and relax, you werent
wrong after all. hugs lynda.
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Whew! Close one! (lol)
Thanks again,
Curt
Comment from Artasylum
well i have been to germany many times and the one time my brother tried to make me go to dachau...it snowed so badly they had to close it...so i never had to go near one of those horrible places...yours, diana
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2008
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well i have been to germany many times and the one time my brother tried to make me go to dachau...it snowed so badly they had to close it...so i never had to go near one of those horrible places...yours, diana
Comment Written 10-Mar-2008
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2008
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Lucky you. It's not a pretty sight, even 40 years after.
Thanks,
Curt
Comment from azbukivedi
A scary, poignant, very powerful poem that says it like it is. I especially appreciate the attention given to the indifference of the outside world. A wonderful write!
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2008
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A scary, poignant, very powerful poem that says it like it is. I especially appreciate the attention given to the indifference of the outside world. A wonderful write!
Comment Written 10-Mar-2008
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2008
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Americans tend to think they are global when 95% are provincial putzs.
I thank you for your most gracious review. You honor me.
Curt
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Funny, first we can't live the world alone and get our face into everything, and in the next breath we are not even global enough. On one hand, we eat fat-free junk, abuse smokers and go nuts over health. Oh, but we are obese and eat fatty junk all the time. I can go on. Americans can't please the world no matter what we do. So I suggest we stop trying.
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Amen.
Comment from ritter1116
Liked your poem but didn't care for the rhyme scheme much. It sounds as if you were trying something new which i can relate to. Thats part of the joy of writing. The content was worth the 5 stars. I agree with your statement...
May we never forget the horrors of that time, so we may never repeat them.
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2008
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Liked your poem but didn't care for the rhyme scheme much. It sounds as if you were trying something new which i can relate to. Thats part of the joy of writing. The content was worth the 5 stars. I agree with your statement...
May we never forget the horrors of that time, so we may never repeat them.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2008
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2008
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That's what makes life so interesting, infinite variety.Some reviews rave about the rhyme scheme, others hate it. This was a new style for me, and it was a joy to write, even though the subject matter was not.
I appreciate your candid review.
Curt
Comment from Fish
this poem is short and choppy. i like the
rhythm. kind of like being in a motor boat
bouncing over the waves. good depiction
of the holocaust. bleak imagery. Fish
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2008
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this poem is short and choppy. i like the
rhythm. kind of like being in a motor boat
bouncing over the waves. good depiction
of the holocaust. bleak imagery. Fish
Comment Written 10-Mar-2008
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2008
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Thanks!
Curt
