Dark Shadows
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "A Heart of Stone"A collection of short stories and flash fiction
27 total reviews
Comment from positivelycritical
Written well, emotions stirred as I read so it flowed nicely. The change of diane's feelings were dramatic especially when she released her anger tasting her husbands adrenaline.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2007
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Written well, emotions stirred as I read so it flowed nicely. The change of diane's feelings were dramatic especially when she released her anger tasting her husbands adrenaline.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2007
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Yes... I wanted to take her from passive to release at the very last moment. Funny how such a small thing can take you over the edge. But then, he had it coming!
Thank you for your wonderful review! I appeciate your time :-D
Comment from heartonsleeve
I only wish I had six stars to give you! You have earned them twice over. Wow! What a story, it was just so real, I could feel her fear, loathing of herself and mostly him. I was wishing for something to happen, and when it did I was still surprised. You really can't blame her, the sad thing is she will have to pay for his sins. Wow again!
thank you, shell
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I only wish I had six stars to give you! You have earned them twice over. Wow! What a story, it was just so real, I could feel her fear, loathing of herself and mostly him. I was wishing for something to happen, and when it did I was still surprised. You really can't blame her, the sad thing is she will have to pay for his sins. Wow again!
thank you, shell
Comment Written 27-Jul-2007
Comment from Marjorie D.
Her husband stretches out a callused (calloused) hand ...
You see! The only thing missing from this story was a single 'o'. I'll give you an extra one -- Oh! What a well-written story, Ricouard.
Considering how many women are abused by their spouses/significant others, it's amazing this scenario doesn't happen more often than it already does. I think it's only because women are afraid of the miscarriages of justice that occur when cases like this go to trial.
It's a gripping story and very well-told.
Marjorie
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2007
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Her husband stretches out a callused (calloused) hand ...
You see! The only thing missing from this story was a single 'o'. I'll give you an extra one -- Oh! What a well-written story, Ricouard.
Considering how many women are abused by their spouses/significant others, it's amazing this scenario doesn't happen more often than it already does. I think it's only because women are afraid of the miscarriages of justice that occur when cases like this go to trial.
It's a gripping story and very well-told.
Marjorie
Comment Written 27-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2007
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Fixed! Yes, I believe they are afraid. It isn't always seen as self defense. I have heard of women who have actually done this and ended up serving time. It doesn't make sense... but I guess they look at it differentlt than the women who are suffering the abuse. They figure the women should have pressed charges instead of takint the law into their own hands. Sad... but true.
Thank you for such a great review. Your comments were greatly appreciated!
Comment from mshugh
Very well done - powerful imagery and character dialogue and development.
Some suggestions:
he yanks her back up [insert comma] then
Releasing her hair, he slaps her hard enough to leave her ears ringing - careful here - you are providing two different POVS - how would he know her ears were ring - you may be able to get with it in some instances
husbands clutching hand - husband's
Nicely done
Michael
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2007
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Very well done - powerful imagery and character dialogue and development.
Some suggestions:
he yanks her back up [insert comma] then
Releasing her hair, he slaps her hard enough to leave her ears ringing - careful here - you are providing two different POVS - how would he know her ears were ring - you may be able to get with it in some instances
husbands clutching hand - husband's
Nicely done
Michael
Comment Written 26-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2007
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Hi again lol... I have gone in and fixed the errors you pointed out. Thanks for the sharp eye and the great review!
Comment from kintesiegel
first para she "knows" he broke nose, second para she "hasn't broken it this time"
What a harrowing story. Well told and he deserved it but does he die?
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2007
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first para she "knows" he broke nose, second para she "hasn't broken it this time"
What a harrowing story. Well told and he deserved it but does he die?
Comment Written 26-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2007
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Hey kintesgiel...
First paragraph reads:
Wetness rushes down to coat her lips and teeth, and she knows he has busted her nose again.
Busted/Broken... different words :-)
He better die! Jerk had it coming to him... I guess I could put that in there, huh?
Thank you for taking the time to read and review my story!
Comment from becky7777
Good story. Your structure is good and you move the story right along. Its just terrible that woman and men live like this everyday. Im not sure about the uniqueness though. I just read a story not long ago on here like this.
Becky
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2007
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Good story. Your structure is good and you move the story right along. Its just terrible that woman and men live like this everyday. Im not sure about the uniqueness though. I just read a story not long ago on here like this.
Becky
Comment Written 26-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2007
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Hmmmm.... I must have missed that one :-/
Oh well... to be honest, we all know that situations like this aren't unique in and of themselves. It is something that goes on all the time. Abused women strike back and end up spending time in prison for defending themselves.
I thank you for the review and taking the time to read my story.
Comment from rivki1111
Hi, this is well written. I loved the title, and it is what first drew me to the work. The content is sad....abuse of a woman. This is a crime that respects no class, color, etc...very tragic. You have written this in an easy to read style that engages the reader...and the ending brings a lot of resolution. Nothing to fix for me, I wish i had your grip on grammar, heheheeh
Bye for now, your wriitng buddy, rebekah
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reply by the author on 26-Jul-2007
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Hi, this is well written. I loved the title, and it is what first drew me to the work. The content is sad....abuse of a woman. This is a crime that respects no class, color, etc...very tragic. You have written this in an easy to read style that engages the reader...and the ending brings a lot of resolution. Nothing to fix for me, I wish i had your grip on grammar, heheheeh
Bye for now, your wriitng buddy, rebekah
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 26-Jul-2007
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Why thank you! Coming from you, these comments are an honor :-)
It is tragic, and it does happen far too many times. I don't think many of the women actually murder their husbands... but I know the thought is there. It was for me, anyway. Thanks for taking the time to read and review, it is greatly appreciated.
