Poetry, Dreams In Motion.
Viewing comments for Chapter 37 "No Truths"A collection of poetry.
3 total reviews
Comment from OneGirl
Excellent work. You did marvelous! It is so inspiring to se why or how something like this came together the way it did. The poem makes sense throughout and also pulls on your emotions. You want to be sad when you read it.. But that isn't a bad thing, I think it can be a good thing. I think you did a great job!
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2007
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Excellent work. You did marvelous! It is so inspiring to se why or how something like this came together the way it did. The poem makes sense throughout and also pulls on your emotions. You want to be sad when you read it.. But that isn't a bad thing, I think it can be a good thing. I think you did a great job!
Comment Written 06-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2007
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Thank you very much! It was a difficult challenge, but one I will definitely be repeating. It opened up a whole new avenue of writing and, as a poet, I thrive on the chance to take something uncomplete and mold it into a beautiful work of art.
:-) Thank you for your lovely comments and taking the time to read through my work!
Comment from rhymer1
An interesting challenge you take on. Can't say I am interested in same, but you do well at it. Re your writing skills, my review of your bio tells me you need to do some work. If you check it you will find you are heavy on passive tense which slows flow and is awkward.
You are clearly an inrelligent, talented writer, but I am going to append a canned review I use when offering constructive vcriticism to much less talented writers than you. Essentially it a summation of what three kind reviewers taught me about the deficiencies of my prose. A am in debt to them forever for the training they gave me when I first joined FanStory.
I repeat these comments so often in my time-consuming constructive criticism, that I write this canned introduction.
Principally I assess postings only on writing talent.
In what follows, I present my edit as if it were my draft.
(***) means I suggest deleting.
[***] means I suggest adding.
Too many ings, means you start so many sentence with ~ ing ~ clauses it is distracting. (such are gerunds, but not always)
I will regularly:
change passive verb tense to simple declarative
delete boring modifiers: very, almost, nearly, about, really, some, etc.
delete: in fact, moreover, by and large, as to that.
change every ~ All of a sudden ~ to Suddenly.
delete modifiers if there are two or three for one word. One modifier is often one too many.
massacre sentences that are too wordy.
Hope it works for you. If you are put off, tell me and I will refrain from future reviews
When in doubt, edit it out.
Think LACONIC when editing your work.
She (has been) published 11 (times for her poetry) [poems] and (has been awarded) [won] the Editors Choice award 4 times. (But, although this is a great accomplishment,) [She] would rather be known (and remembered) for her works of fiction.
Preferring fantasy, she (has) started work on
She (has written) wrote many short stories for the horror/thriller[/suspense genre (and two for suspense).
Her writing inspiration Is Edgar Allen Poe. (Since her earliest days,) She (has been) [is] fascinated by (the horror, thrill, and) [Poe's] unimaginably twisted mind. (of this writer.) ~ the sentance as written has awkward non-parallel construction.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2007
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An interesting challenge you take on. Can't say I am interested in same, but you do well at it. Re your writing skills, my review of your bio tells me you need to do some work. If you check it you will find you are heavy on passive tense which slows flow and is awkward.
You are clearly an inrelligent, talented writer, but I am going to append a canned review I use when offering constructive vcriticism to much less talented writers than you. Essentially it a summation of what three kind reviewers taught me about the deficiencies of my prose. A am in debt to them forever for the training they gave me when I first joined FanStory.
I repeat these comments so often in my time-consuming constructive criticism, that I write this canned introduction.
Principally I assess postings only on writing talent.
In what follows, I present my edit as if it were my draft.
(***) means I suggest deleting.
[***] means I suggest adding.
Too many ings, means you start so many sentence with ~ ing ~ clauses it is distracting. (such are gerunds, but not always)
I will regularly:
change passive verb tense to simple declarative
delete boring modifiers: very, almost, nearly, about, really, some, etc.
delete: in fact, moreover, by and large, as to that.
change every ~ All of a sudden ~ to Suddenly.
delete modifiers if there are two or three for one word. One modifier is often one too many.
massacre sentences that are too wordy.
Hope it works for you. If you are put off, tell me and I will refrain from future reviews
When in doubt, edit it out.
Think LACONIC when editing your work.
She (has been) published 11 (times for her poetry) [poems] and (has been awarded) [won] the Editors Choice award 4 times. (But, although this is a great accomplishment,) [She] would rather be known (and remembered) for her works of fiction.
Preferring fantasy, she (has) started work on
She (has written) wrote many short stories for the horror/thriller[/suspense genre (and two for suspense).
Her writing inspiration Is Edgar Allen Poe. (Since her earliest days,) She (has been) [is] fascinated by (the horror, thrill, and) [Poe's] unimaginably twisted mind. (of this writer.) ~ the sentance as written has awkward non-parallel construction.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2007
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Shaped up.... I wrote that 2 years ago... long before I finished my classes :-/
And no, I do not mind having the obvious errors pointed out to me. That was the whole point of joining FanStory; to polish my writing skills and become a more adept writer. Over time, I may even make it...lol
Thank you for your help and taking the time to read my work (and my bio). Your comments were appreciated :-D
Comment from VICTIMEYES
oooh now there is a strong poem for the imagination and creativity. It speaks the heavy emotions of life and the instalation of a piano and symphony is just great because you worked it all together well, great poetry.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2007
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oooh now there is a strong poem for the imagination and creativity. It speaks the heavy emotions of life and the instalation of a piano and symphony is just great because you worked it all together well, great poetry.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2007
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Why thank you! Coming from you, that is high praise indeed :-D I am glad that I was able to do something different and tie it all together so well. I figured the challenge would broaden my horizons and take me in a direction that most poetry doesn't go.
I am so happy that you stopped by and your comments are greatly appreciated!
