Challenge Me
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "it is coming"I dare you....
9 total reviews
Comment from Beatlegirl61
Ok...I think you've done a brilliant job with the 'challange' here, although...I don't see the need for those two descriptive words in stanza 5 I think it is??
"It will find you in your worst most heartbreaking memories."
You really only need one descriptive word here as the two together mean the same thing, actually. Maybe try going with "It will find you in your worst heartbreaking memories" and omit the word (most)...or omit worse and leave in most...either way can work!
Also..."scariest most horrific nightmare',,,again, too much use of the same meaning with three different words. How about scary horrific nightmare...or the most horrific nightmare...maybe "Like being chased in one of your most horrific nightmares"...Just some friendly suggestions! Maybe try a few metaphors?? Really trying to hlp out here! ;)
I like the imagery and the wordage that helps the reader use their imagination is very good too. I just feel with a few minor adjustments, this could be a better piece!
Remember, four equals EXCELLENT!!
Thanks for sharing this one...I enjoyed reading as well...
Take care and be well...Carol ::)
Quote today" Life can be a little sweet, life can be a little sh***y"
(Red Hot Chili peppers/Tell Me Baby)
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2006
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Ok...I think you've done a brilliant job with the 'challange' here, although...I don't see the need for those two descriptive words in stanza 5 I think it is??
"It will find you in your worst most heartbreaking memories."
You really only need one descriptive word here as the two together mean the same thing, actually. Maybe try going with "It will find you in your worst heartbreaking memories" and omit the word (most)...or omit worse and leave in most...either way can work!
Also..."scariest most horrific nightmare',,,again, too much use of the same meaning with three different words. How about scary horrific nightmare...or the most horrific nightmare...maybe "Like being chased in one of your most horrific nightmares"...Just some friendly suggestions! Maybe try a few metaphors?? Really trying to hlp out here! ;)
I like the imagery and the wordage that helps the reader use their imagination is very good too. I just feel with a few minor adjustments, this could be a better piece!
Remember, four equals EXCELLENT!!
Thanks for sharing this one...I enjoyed reading as well...
Take care and be well...Carol ::)
Quote today" Life can be a little sweet, life can be a little sh***y"
(Red Hot Chili peppers/Tell Me Baby)
Comment Written 24-Sep-2006
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2006
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okay, deleted scariest and worst... kept most in both to keep it similar
could you take another look and tell me if it better now?
thanx lots!! :-)
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Ok...sure...I will check it out in a while...I am catching up on my 100 messages UGH...C.. ;)
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LOL
i logged in, i had 12 messages
sometimes more :-P
Comment from Chelle_GH
Oh you have written it very well - words used fits the subject, you are able to built the emotions and made me somehow here the "muwahahahahaha" !
You are such an amazing writer...
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2006
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Oh you have written it very well - words used fits the subject, you are able to built the emotions and made me somehow here the "muwahahahahaha" !
You are such an amazing writer...
Comment Written 24-Sep-2006
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2006
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hehehe
thanx lots :-)
Comment from rl dubour
it is coming ---well another challenge met and good job and add 5 more points to the score card!! great imagery and Norbanus did not gain any points, So have a good night lol ron :( your clown not me the face
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2006
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it is coming ---well another challenge met and good job and add 5 more points to the score card!! great imagery and Norbanus did not gain any points, So have a good night lol ron :( your clown not me the face
Comment Written 24-Sep-2006
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2006
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LOL!
thanx lots :-)
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know what?----your welcome!, :)
Comment from LateBloomer
Hey Shelley,
Very good writing with lots of imagery. I like how you stretched out the word
"s c r r e e a c h i i n g". It really helped with the sound effects of the chalk board.
As far as the scary clown, I like him (excellent) and it is soooo shelley (smiley
face).
there is no where to run
and no place to hide
it
is here
\ (YEP, AND HALLOWEEN IS COMING) ... EXCELLENT
Keep Writing, Regards, LateBloomer
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2006
|
Hey Shelley,
Very good writing with lots of imagery. I like how you stretched out the word
"s c r r e e a c h i i n g". It really helped with the sound effects of the chalk board.
As far as the scary clown, I like him (excellent) and it is soooo shelley (smiley
face).
there is no where to run
and no place to hide
it
is here
\ (YEP, AND HALLOWEEN IS COMING) ... EXCELLENT
Keep Writing, Regards, LateBloomer
Comment Written 23-Sep-2006
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2006
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hehehe
thanx lots :-)
Comment from Norbanus
By golly you. You are doing so many really cool verses. You are likely to lose your panda by advancing to a higher ratine. muwahahahahaha. ;-)
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2006
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By golly you. You are doing so many really cool verses. You are likely to lose your panda by advancing to a higher ratine. muwahahahahaha. ;-)
Comment Written 23-Sep-2006
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2006
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LOL!
thanx lots! :-)
Comment from Adora Bayles
AAAAAAAARRRRGGG! I love it! And the toothy clown picture too. I was a mean little kid. The teacher would call me to write on the blackboard. I would pick up the newest, longest piece of chalk I could find and hold it at the very end. When I would start writing, it would make this awful screetching sound and drive everybody nuts. I got yelled at but I looked around innocently and said, "I can't help it. It just squeaks."
Adora
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2006
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AAAAAAAARRRRGGG! I love it! And the toothy clown picture too. I was a mean little kid. The teacher would call me to write on the blackboard. I would pick up the newest, longest piece of chalk I could find and hold it at the very end. When I would start writing, it would make this awful screetching sound and drive everybody nuts. I got yelled at but I looked around innocently and said, "I can't help it. It just squeaks."
Adora
Comment Written 23-Sep-2006
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2006
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cool!
i did that too LOL!
thanx lots for reading and sharing your thoughts! :-)
Comment from rivki1111
Hi, the publication of this work was outstanding ....and i enjoyed this flowing poem very much...wondering where it was taking me. The ending was a surprise, as I would never have thought of a clown. Then when you re-read it in the light of that knowledge the poem gives up its secrets....thanks for sharing your writing with me, it was a pleasure to read....you bio is good with the moving pens....very kewl! Cheers, riv
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2006
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Hi, the publication of this work was outstanding ....and i enjoyed this flowing poem very much...wondering where it was taking me. The ending was a surprise, as I would never have thought of a clown. Then when you re-read it in the light of that knowledge the poem gives up its secrets....thanks for sharing your writing with me, it was a pleasure to read....you bio is good with the moving pens....very kewl! Cheers, riv
Comment Written 23-Sep-2006
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2006
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hehehe
thank you so much :-)
Comment from luna
No wonder everyone is scared of clowns, Challenge! This was a good response to Norbanus' challenge. You are the queen...loved the formatting. As always, my visit to your port proved to be an enjoyable one. Thanks for sharing, C.
yf,
J *smile*
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2006
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No wonder everyone is scared of clowns, Challenge! This was a good response to Norbanus' challenge. You are the queen...loved the formatting. As always, my visit to your port proved to be an enjoyable one. Thanks for sharing, C.
yf,
J *smile*
Comment Written 23-Sep-2006
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2006
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LOL!
thank YOU for reading and leaving your thoughts :-)
Comment from Patty Mazzurco
One of my favorite movies and I think you did a great job on the poem about IT. Very eerire feeling. Good job on the imagery and flow. Very nice work!
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2006
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One of my favorite movies and I think you did a great job on the poem about IT. Very eerire feeling. Good job on the imagery and flow. Very nice work!
Comment Written 23-Sep-2006
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2006
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hehe
yea, loved the movie too
thanx lots! :-)
