Walking Through A Storm
as partners split...21 total reviews
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Hi Jim,
I read the story earlier today, but was called away (my sister) so I didn't have a chance to review it. I have to admit I had a chance to think about it and the meaning. On the surface, it seems to be about Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin, but there were some parts that made me think deeper (ouch!).
What if it was one person who was having dementia, and sort of mixed together his own pesonality? Like being at war with himself. Okay, sort of stretching it, but sometimes a person does have a sort of splitting of personality, then that would explain the kiss at the end.
Great job, whatever the meaning,
Hugs,
Rhonda
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Hi Jim,
I read the story earlier today, but was called away (my sister) so I didn't have a chance to review it. I have to admit I had a chance to think about it and the meaning. On the surface, it seems to be about Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin, but there were some parts that made me think deeper (ouch!).
What if it was one person who was having dementia, and sort of mixed together his own pesonality? Like being at war with himself. Okay, sort of stretching it, but sometimes a person does have a sort of splitting of personality, then that would explain the kiss at the end.
Great job, whatever the meaning,
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment Written 03-May-2024
Comment from GoWiSt
"Italian crooner" I just looked up the meaning of crooner because of your post. Thanks for adding to my vocabulary.
"what journalists later called it, "a bizarre cross..." Take out the 'it' after called.
"a full, three hour show" Take out the comma after full.
"Gino looked at me said, quite plainly" Put 'and' after me.
Interesting identity crisis tale here. So, who 'really' is the speaker? Gino, the ladies' man? Jim, an actual monkey--who apparently can talk and cavort with women? Or...??
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"Italian crooner" I just looked up the meaning of crooner because of your post. Thanks for adding to my vocabulary.
"what journalists later called it, "a bizarre cross..." Take out the 'it' after called.
"a full, three hour show" Take out the comma after full.
"Gino looked at me said, quite plainly" Put 'and' after me.
Interesting identity crisis tale here. So, who 'really' is the speaker? Gino, the ladies' man? Jim, an actual monkey--who apparently can talk and cavort with women? Or...??
Comment Written 03-May-2024
Comment from Sanku
laurel and Hardy,then Martin and Lewis--may there were more .The successful pair-performers getting on each other's nerves to the extent of ending the partnership has happened many times . Your story is absoutely iteresting and I liked that you used the term 'monkey'... Great idea
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laurel and Hardy,then Martin and Lewis--may there were more .The successful pair-performers getting on each other's nerves to the extent of ending the partnership has happened many times . Your story is absoutely iteresting and I liked that you used the term 'monkey'... Great idea
Comment Written 03-May-2024
Comment from Esther Brown
That had a feeling of truth. I got a wee bit confused with Jeannie and Jennie. Misspelled? Or two different women? Just a question: do you have MS? Being a medical person my curiosity is roused. We don't get out of life without something....and that is a tough one.
You write like you know what it feels like inside to want to live in someone else's skin. Esther
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That had a feeling of truth. I got a wee bit confused with Jeannie and Jennie. Misspelled? Or two different women? Just a question: do you have MS? Being a medical person my curiosity is roused. We don't get out of life without something....and that is a tough one.
You write like you know what it feels like inside to want to live in someone else's skin. Esther
Comment Written 03-May-2024
Comment from Sharon Elwell
Wow! I really enjoyed this because I'm old enough to remember when Martin and Lewis were that idyllic combination. You even used the correct name for Martin's wife. I liked your use of capitalization, as well. And it's a fine imagining of what could have happened. I only found one typo: "Gino looked at me said..." Great fun to read!
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Wow! I really enjoyed this because I'm old enough to remember when Martin and Lewis were that idyllic combination. You even used the correct name for Martin's wife. I liked your use of capitalization, as well. And it's a fine imagining of what could have happened. I only found one typo: "Gino looked at me said..." Great fun to read!
Comment Written 02-May-2024
Comment from robyn corum
Jim,
I'm just gonna be so straight with you. This is - from the little I can honestly remember from this helter-skelter month of craziness - is the best work of yours I've read. Grammar-wise, construction-wise, surprise-wise, you-name-it-wise.
By at least paragraph three or four, I was picturing Martin and Lewis. If this piece wasn't directly inspired by them, it certainly mirrored their journey in an uncanny way. As I read though it slowly, savoring each moment, I saw THOSE two. (I saw a doc on Dean pretty recently that covered the relationship between them so this was still pretty fresh in my mind.)
Certainly, Dean was the good-looking straight guy and Lewis played the monkey.
And they were so close for so long. But when they broke - they BROKE. They didn't have ANY contact for years and years and years. I do believe that part really hurt both of them deeply. Don't know if you knew this (don't know if you care) but Jerry did those MDA Telethons for years, right?
In 1976, after 20 years of estrangement, Frank Sinatra convinced Dean to show up for one of the telethons and surprise Jerry on LIVE TV (which may have been rather brilliant - regardless of how Jerry might have wanted to act he would have had to play nice, right?) *smile*
Though neither of them had MS - MD is pretty close. Then again, I'm wrong a whole lot in life and seem to like making a complete idiot of myself.
Annnnnyyyway... that's where your piece took me, whether you intended it or not. I got a bit sad.
I liked that you just had a simple background with no distractions in highlighting.
A couple of notes, if I may:
1.) My misgivings about Gino slowly turned to what journalists later called it, "a bizarre cross between jealousy and hatred."
--> delete 'it'?
2.) Gino preferred to live out the loose lifestyle he had created for himself,
--> delete 'out'?
3.) Gino looked at me (and) said, quite plainly, "Okay, pal.
4.) Gino never was one much for words.
--> Gino was never much for words.
5.) "Hush, dear,(") said Jeannie, "Don't upset yourself."
6.) The part of me that was Gino continued, "Why didn't he notice? He never saw I was beginning to lose my vision.
--> not quite sure now anyone else can tell when YOU start to lose your vision. Seems like YOU would def notice before your friend does.
So, one-half of them got to trade places for at least a wee while - and found out he didn't like it much. Makes me wonder if Gino got to 'test drive' Jim's body, too. Interesting...
Nice work -- but I think this would have made a great contest entry somewhere. Thanks for sharing. I look forward to more! (You notice I'm not gonna deduct stars today... I liked it!!)
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Jim,
I'm just gonna be so straight with you. This is - from the little I can honestly remember from this helter-skelter month of craziness - is the best work of yours I've read. Grammar-wise, construction-wise, surprise-wise, you-name-it-wise.
By at least paragraph three or four, I was picturing Martin and Lewis. If this piece wasn't directly inspired by them, it certainly mirrored their journey in an uncanny way. As I read though it slowly, savoring each moment, I saw THOSE two. (I saw a doc on Dean pretty recently that covered the relationship between them so this was still pretty fresh in my mind.)
Certainly, Dean was the good-looking straight guy and Lewis played the monkey.
And they were so close for so long. But when they broke - they BROKE. They didn't have ANY contact for years and years and years. I do believe that part really hurt both of them deeply. Don't know if you knew this (don't know if you care) but Jerry did those MDA Telethons for years, right?
In 1976, after 20 years of estrangement, Frank Sinatra convinced Dean to show up for one of the telethons and surprise Jerry on LIVE TV (which may have been rather brilliant - regardless of how Jerry might have wanted to act he would have had to play nice, right?) *smile*
Though neither of them had MS - MD is pretty close. Then again, I'm wrong a whole lot in life and seem to like making a complete idiot of myself.
Annnnnyyyway... that's where your piece took me, whether you intended it or not. I got a bit sad.
I liked that you just had a simple background with no distractions in highlighting.
A couple of notes, if I may:
1.) My misgivings about Gino slowly turned to what journalists later called it, "a bizarre cross between jealousy and hatred."
--> delete 'it'?
2.) Gino preferred to live out the loose lifestyle he had created for himself,
--> delete 'out'?
3.) Gino looked at me (and) said, quite plainly, "Okay, pal.
4.) Gino never was one much for words.
--> Gino was never much for words.
5.) "Hush, dear,(") said Jeannie, "Don't upset yourself."
6.) The part of me that was Gino continued, "Why didn't he notice? He never saw I was beginning to lose my vision.
--> not quite sure now anyone else can tell when YOU start to lose your vision. Seems like YOU would def notice before your friend does.
So, one-half of them got to trade places for at least a wee while - and found out he didn't like it much. Makes me wonder if Gino got to 'test drive' Jim's body, too. Interesting...
Nice work -- but I think this would have made a great contest entry somewhere. Thanks for sharing. I look forward to more! (You notice I'm not gonna deduct stars today... I liked it!!)
Comment Written 02-May-2024
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
"They had a small indoor party, ate some egg sandwiches." I'm scratching my head here.
So the two were so close, and wanted to be each other so much that it happened - is that it? What's the old saying, "Be careful what you wish for."
Nicely told story, Jim, with a twist I didn't see coming.
xo
Pam
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"They had a small indoor party, ate some egg sandwiches." I'm scratching my head here.
So the two were so close, and wanted to be each other so much that it happened - is that it? What's the old saying, "Be careful what you wish for."
Nicely told story, Jim, with a twist I didn't see coming.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 02-May-2024
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
I heard you tell this is actually remarkably pretty true. Lewis wished he could sing more as he had a decent voice, but he did not have a crooners looks. Martin, wanted more laughs. He could do the routines, But he could not think them up or understand why they worked. Good story. Karen
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I heard you tell this is actually remarkably pretty true. Lewis wished he could sing more as he had a decent voice, but he did not have a crooners looks. Martin, wanted more laughs. He could do the routines, But he could not think them up or understand why they worked. Good story. Karen
Comment Written 01-May-2024
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Great story with everything that makes it publishable. For two people to want so much to be the other and then change places, this is well told with an O Henry ending.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2024
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Great story with everything that makes it publishable. For two people to want so much to be the other and then change places, this is well told with an O Henry ending.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2024
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Many thanks for your kind review!
Comment from Liz O'Neill
You have characterized this monkey very well.
" I'm the one playing in a crouch with messy hair and silly pantomimes." many writers can identify with the relationship of these two. In some ways it reminds me of my friend who has passed and me.
"We perfected the comedy style that seemed unrehearsed " This becomes rather poignant now:
""Jeannie," Gino said, "I love you. If I made mistakes, it's because I felt the best part of me dwindling away. I never meant to hurt you." Excellent.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2024
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You have characterized this monkey very well.
" I'm the one playing in a crouch with messy hair and silly pantomimes." many writers can identify with the relationship of these two. In some ways it reminds me of my friend who has passed and me.
"We perfected the comedy style that seemed unrehearsed " This becomes rather poignant now:
""Jeannie," Gino said, "I love you. If I made mistakes, it's because I felt the best part of me dwindling away. I never meant to hurt you." Excellent.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2024
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Thank you. I used the term "monkey" because it was loosely based on Martin and Lewis and Jerry Lewis used that term to describe himself in the act.
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This worked out perfectly.
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Thank you so much!
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***Smile***
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😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅
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monkey grin
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🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒🐒
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Now you're monkeying around, Jim
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So raise your banana high, let laughter spill, For in this fruity waltz, we find our delight, A symphony of yellow, a promise fulfilled, Banana dreams, forever in flight.
🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌🍌
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You should post this one I think people would enjoy it
