Broken Man
Sadness, shame, anger, stress, and regret are my companions.31 total reviews
Comment from EeanBlack
Talking to the wrong professionals won't help. I can't honestly comment on anything but the writing, but as a man in a similar position I can understand and feel your frustration. Good luck.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2024
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Talking to the wrong professionals won't help. I can't honestly comment on anything but the writing, but as a man in a similar position I can understand and feel your frustration. Good luck.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2024
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Thank you, Eean. Sometimes it helps just to have support.
Douglas
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You bet.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
You are a good writer and were a good dad to your older daughters. You were also a perfect husband since you never told those daughters about their mother's infidelity, but after your divorce they were convinced by their mother that you are the one who cheated. I assume you remarried and have 3 more children. What are their ages? The daughters may think you replaced them. My husband and I adopted three children, a boy and then two girls. The boy and younger daughter bonded to us, eventually. The middle girl wanted to be unadopted because we were not rich. She then had four children, 3 boys and a girl (who we got at 18 months). The boys were 5, 4, and 3, but their mother (middle daughter) would not let us adopt them although she did not want to raise them. (When she died of cancer as the youngest turned 21, they remember her as way better to them than she was.) Pray your ex-wife doesn't die soon, even if she is a pain! The youngest daughter from the first family has never forgiven us for replacing her as the baby girl (She was 8 years old when we got her!). There is a possibility the three girls feel like you replaced them if you have 3 younger children. You risked your life every day to give them everything they desired. Do not give them more things or money, unless the court orders it. Did your wife remarry a rich man? I've seen more kids seduced by promises of wealth. Try to keep open communications with the girls and let them know you love them, but don't try to buy any affection. Never think you haven't been the best dad you could have been. I think you were from what you write. You got stuck with a lot of our family info just because I hope you see how families don't always work as we hope. Best of luck with getting more communication. You are a very good writer. You might write about something special that happened with you and each daughter and send that in a birthday card to them. Most of us love to think we are special to someone. Send no money.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2024
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You are a good writer and were a good dad to your older daughters. You were also a perfect husband since you never told those daughters about their mother's infidelity, but after your divorce they were convinced by their mother that you are the one who cheated. I assume you remarried and have 3 more children. What are their ages? The daughters may think you replaced them. My husband and I adopted three children, a boy and then two girls. The boy and younger daughter bonded to us, eventually. The middle girl wanted to be unadopted because we were not rich. She then had four children, 3 boys and a girl (who we got at 18 months). The boys were 5, 4, and 3, but their mother (middle daughter) would not let us adopt them although she did not want to raise them. (When she died of cancer as the youngest turned 21, they remember her as way better to them than she was.) Pray your ex-wife doesn't die soon, even if she is a pain! The youngest daughter from the first family has never forgiven us for replacing her as the baby girl (She was 8 years old when we got her!). There is a possibility the three girls feel like you replaced them if you have 3 younger children. You risked your life every day to give them everything they desired. Do not give them more things or money, unless the court orders it. Did your wife remarry a rich man? I've seen more kids seduced by promises of wealth. Try to keep open communications with the girls and let them know you love them, but don't try to buy any affection. Never think you haven't been the best dad you could have been. I think you were from what you write. You got stuck with a lot of our family info just because I hope you see how families don't always work as we hope. Best of luck with getting more communication. You are a very good writer. You might write about something special that happened with you and each daughter and send that in a birthday card to them. Most of us love to think we are special to someone. Send no money.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2024
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Thank you, Carol. I appreciate your kind and caring response. This has been a trying time, but I am coming to some resolutions. Your kind words were heart warming.
D
Comment from jmdg1954
Doug.
I wish I had a six to reward you on this post. Trust me, it takes strength and courage to write and open up on a post such as this one. I say that because I have a story to tell and I'm to embarrassed to tel it. Or maybe just afraid of what friends I've gained on this site would think of me.
Anyway, I'm sure if your ex wrote this it would becyhe total opposite from what you wrote. But I believe you. I can read the honesty in your words as if we were sitting enjoying a bourbon or rum and you were telling me the story.
Stay strong my friend! You have many friends here on this site.
John
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2024
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Doug.
I wish I had a six to reward you on this post. Trust me, it takes strength and courage to write and open up on a post such as this one. I say that because I have a story to tell and I'm to embarrassed to tel it. Or maybe just afraid of what friends I've gained on this site would think of me.
Anyway, I'm sure if your ex wrote this it would becyhe total opposite from what you wrote. But I believe you. I can read the honesty in your words as if we were sitting enjoying a bourbon or rum and you were telling me the story.
Stay strong my friend! You have many friends here on this site.
John
Comment Written 11-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2024
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My ex plays the victim. She has always contended that I should have been more understanding about her falling in love with two men. She is angry that I did not love her enough to stay with her and pay for her to fly to Florida twice a year to have sex with Dwight. I just had a different idea of marriage. All that is water under the bridge now.
Douglas
Comment from BethShelby
Divorce is not easy and it seldom goes well. Your side of the story is likely to put everyone who reads it firmly on your side. I went though something very simular with my son and as his mother, I feel he was treated very unfairly. Still I know if your wife wrote her story, she would likely come out sounding like the abused party. You didn't mention anything about your second marriage other than you have three young children who adore you. Maybe your older children feel they have been replaced. It sounds like a sickening situation and feel for anyone in your position. I'm sorry I have no words of advice. I admire your ablility to put it all in writing.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2024
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Divorce is not easy and it seldom goes well. Your side of the story is likely to put everyone who reads it firmly on your side. I went though something very simular with my son and as his mother, I feel he was treated very unfairly. Still I know if your wife wrote her story, she would likely come out sounding like the abused party. You didn't mention anything about your second marriage other than you have three young children who adore you. Maybe your older children feel they have been replaced. It sounds like a sickening situation and feel for anyone in your position. I'm sorry I have no words of advice. I admire your ablility to put it all in writing.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2024
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Thank you, Beth. Her story would read totally different. She often told me that cheating on mr while pregnant was justifiable because she loved us both. She thought the vest solution was to stay married and I would pay for her to travel to Florida twice a year to have sex with her boyfriend. That did not really work for me. She really wanted me to accept that and felt betrayed and hurt that I did not love her enough to do that for her. Different perspectives on marriage I guess. Thank you for your kind words.
D
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is an epic and brave post Douglas and I am so sorry to read about your bitter divorce and the break up of your family. When one parent is hellbent on criticising and doubting the other, it is confusing for the children to know who to believe. It sounds like you have supported your family when your wife has never worked and I am surprised your girls cannot see this. Perhaps in time your girls will come to realise all the hard work and support you have provided to your family.
Working for law enforcement is stressful and there is immense pressure at work as life can take you to the edge, I know as I have worked in that job and my husband was a Detective Inspector for 25 of his 31 years in the force. He was always exhausted when he returned home where he was able to relax.
You have been shown no understanding here and perhaps your children should read your story and gain a better understanding of the truth. I think in time your girls will want a relationship with you and I sincerely hope that your friendship is mended with them.
A poignant and touching post Douglas, I wish I had a six left for you, love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2024
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This is an epic and brave post Douglas and I am so sorry to read about your bitter divorce and the break up of your family. When one parent is hellbent on criticising and doubting the other, it is confusing for the children to know who to believe. It sounds like you have supported your family when your wife has never worked and I am surprised your girls cannot see this. Perhaps in time your girls will come to realise all the hard work and support you have provided to your family.
Working for law enforcement is stressful and there is immense pressure at work as life can take you to the edge, I know as I have worked in that job and my husband was a Detective Inspector for 25 of his 31 years in the force. He was always exhausted when he returned home where he was able to relax.
You have been shown no understanding here and perhaps your children should read your story and gain a better understanding of the truth. I think in time your girls will want a relationship with you and I sincerely hope that your friendship is mended with them.
A poignant and touching post Douglas, I wish I had a six left for you, love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 11-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2024
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Your kind words and sage perceptions are better than any six to my, Miss Dolly. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts.
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You are most welcome Douglas x x x
Comment from Liz O'Neill
First of all thank you for being so vulnerable I'm finding writing my autobiography some of it painful some of it fun is very healing. I hope you do some healing from writing your autobiography. It sounds like you were essentially scammed: "Not that the end wasn't contentious. Bitter in fact. My ex-wife had cheated on me with another man, while carrying my child in her belly. Her relationship with the other man had lasted years, not months or even days. She wasn't even sure whose baby she was carrying at one point. The pain was fierce." I'm very sad this happened to you, one of my favorite authors. Eckhart helps get beyond damage of the past. Give him a listen on You Tube. I will also send you healing on all levels.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2024
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First of all thank you for being so vulnerable I'm finding writing my autobiography some of it painful some of it fun is very healing. I hope you do some healing from writing your autobiography. It sounds like you were essentially scammed: "Not that the end wasn't contentious. Bitter in fact. My ex-wife had cheated on me with another man, while carrying my child in her belly. Her relationship with the other man had lasted years, not months or even days. She wasn't even sure whose baby she was carrying at one point. The pain was fierce." I'm very sad this happened to you, one of my favorite authors. Eckhart helps get beyond damage of the past. Give him a listen on You Tube. I will also send you healing on all levels.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2024
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Thank you Liz. You are one of my favorite people. Because of your kind spirit, calming aura, and the old soul that dwells within the confines of your physical body. You really are a treasured connection. I am better for knowing you.
Douglas.
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How sweet to hear Thank you makes everything rewarding
Comment from Sharon Elwell
This piece is brave and relatable. It's easy for the reader to feel the torment the writer is experiencing.
There were a couple of places that confused me. "Adversely, my three youngest children think I hang the moon." This is the first the reader hears of other children. Does that mean a second marriage is in progress? Are they stepchildren? Questions come up.
There are a few little things that would make it clearer.
"...years, not months, or even days..." seems like it should be reversed to make your point.
"...having knives pulled on me lent itself to my desire to..." Lent itself seems too mild.
You paid for a honeymoon cruise to two countries is too much information because it makes the reader wonder what the two countries were, which is completely off point.
You took the girls to "Disney" makes the reader wonder again: Disneyland? Disneyworld? a Disney cruise?
It's a strong piece that well expresses feelings shared by many fathers who suffer when the family is split up. I can visualize readers nodding in agreement as they read.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2024
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This piece is brave and relatable. It's easy for the reader to feel the torment the writer is experiencing.
There were a couple of places that confused me. "Adversely, my three youngest children think I hang the moon." This is the first the reader hears of other children. Does that mean a second marriage is in progress? Are they stepchildren? Questions come up.
There are a few little things that would make it clearer.
"...years, not months, or even days..." seems like it should be reversed to make your point.
"...having knives pulled on me lent itself to my desire to..." Lent itself seems too mild.
You paid for a honeymoon cruise to two countries is too much information because it makes the reader wonder what the two countries were, which is completely off point.
You took the girls to "Disney" makes the reader wonder again: Disneyland? Disneyworld? a Disney cruise?
It's a strong piece that well expresses feelings shared by many fathers who suffer when the family is split up. I can visualize readers nodding in agreement as they read.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2024
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Thank you! I appreciate your suggestions. They are great.
D
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Hi Douglas,
I hear and feel the pain coming from your words. The post is well written and heartfelt. You have given above and beyond, as the saying goes. You did so much to help those who could not help themselves. Your ex is the one bitter. She's trying to coverup her own failings as a mother and spouse by lying about you. That is as common a circumstance as it is sad. I wish I had good advice for you, but I can say that if you hang in there and let time pass, truth shines out over lies. That doesn't make the present any easier, though I think your doing the right thing by refusing to pay anything other than what the court orders. You went out of your way to do more. Stop the bleeding, at least.
Good luck, my friend,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2024
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Hi Douglas,
I hear and feel the pain coming from your words. The post is well written and heartfelt. You have given above and beyond, as the saying goes. You did so much to help those who could not help themselves. Your ex is the one bitter. She's trying to coverup her own failings as a mother and spouse by lying about you. That is as common a circumstance as it is sad. I wish I had good advice for you, but I can say that if you hang in there and let time pass, truth shines out over lies. That doesn't make the present any easier, though I think your doing the right thing by refusing to pay anything other than what the court orders. You went out of your way to do more. Stop the bleeding, at least.
Good luck, my friend,
Rhonda
Comment Written 11-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2024
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Thanks, Rhonda. Your support is heartfelt and appreciated. Douglas
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Always!
Comment from estory
This would make a great novel, if you can find the strength to write it. Unfortunately, I have heard lots of stories like this before. People today are so self important and self indulgent, their world revolves around them and that's it. It is unfair. It is painful. You learn the lesson that you can't depend on even your flesh and blood. In the end, you can only read the story of Job, and realize that the only person who you can trust is God. My advice is don't lose the love you had in your heart. That would be the most bitter loss. estory
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2024
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This would make a great novel, if you can find the strength to write it. Unfortunately, I have heard lots of stories like this before. People today are so self important and self indulgent, their world revolves around them and that's it. It is unfair. It is painful. You learn the lesson that you can't depend on even your flesh and blood. In the end, you can only read the story of Job, and realize that the only person who you can trust is God. My advice is don't lose the love you had in your heart. That would be the most bitter loss. estory
Comment Written 11-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2024
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That is awesome advice E. Bitterness is not an answer.
A novel? No, I ain't there yet. Maybe someday. Appreciate you!
D
Comment from Jim Wile
If anyone should feel sorry for himself, then it's you D. This is a true tale of woe. You have been wronged by a woman with no soul who has very obviously poisoned your kids against you.
Since you are looking for advice, I think it's past time to continue using restraint when talking about her with your daughters, and you do them no good by keeping the truth of their mother from them. I think you owe it to them (and yourself) to set them straight and provide them with the truth of the situation. A good start might be to send them this posting or an equivalent, where you spell out the role each you and your ex has played in their lives.
It's time to let them know that she is the one who cheated on you because she has turned that right around and poisoned your daughters with that lie. Let them know that you have never lied to them before and that you never would, but that you can show them ample proof of your ex's deceit and failure to abide by court orders, etc.
What you attempted to do by shielding them from all that was admirable, but they have apparently been brainwashed by her vindictiveness to the point that you can no longer sit idly by and hope they will come to their senses. They may eventually, but you will have wasted many good years of a relationship with them if you wait for that.
Your ex no longer deserves any kind of consideration for what she is attempting to do. You owe her no further respect, and it's time to set the record straight.
My heart goes out to you, and I wish you the best with what you decide to do, but doing nothing is not the answer at this point. Time to take some positive action. Above all, though, let your daughters know how much you love them and how important it is to you to have them in your life.
Good luck, friend. - Jim
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2024
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If anyone should feel sorry for himself, then it's you D. This is a true tale of woe. You have been wronged by a woman with no soul who has very obviously poisoned your kids against you.
Since you are looking for advice, I think it's past time to continue using restraint when talking about her with your daughters, and you do them no good by keeping the truth of their mother from them. I think you owe it to them (and yourself) to set them straight and provide them with the truth of the situation. A good start might be to send them this posting or an equivalent, where you spell out the role each you and your ex has played in their lives.
It's time to let them know that she is the one who cheated on you because she has turned that right around and poisoned your daughters with that lie. Let them know that you have never lied to them before and that you never would, but that you can show them ample proof of your ex's deceit and failure to abide by court orders, etc.
What you attempted to do by shielding them from all that was admirable, but they have apparently been brainwashed by her vindictiveness to the point that you can no longer sit idly by and hope they will come to their senses. They may eventually, but you will have wasted many good years of a relationship with them if you wait for that.
Your ex no longer deserves any kind of consideration for what she is attempting to do. You owe her no further respect, and it's time to set the record straight.
My heart goes out to you, and I wish you the best with what you decide to do, but doing nothing is not the answer at this point. Time to take some positive action. Above all, though, let your daughters know how much you love them and how important it is to you to have them in your life.
Good luck, friend. - Jim
Comment Written 11-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2024
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Thanks, Jim. There is always a fear when you put your heart out there like this that someone will stomp on it. Fanstorians have been nothing but helpful and warm. It truly is a blessing.
This paragraph resonated with me:
Your ex no longer deserves any kind of consideration for what she is attempting to do. You owe her no further respect, and it's time to set the record straight.
Thank you.
Douglas
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Yeah, it just seems like you've bent over backwards to try to make the situation as painless for your daughters as you could, but your ex has not reciprocated. She has done just the opposite by stirring up their feelings and creating undeserved resentment towards you. She is turning them into angry, bitter people, and she should not be allowed to continue doing that.
I hope you can get this turned around quickly.
