The Unwilling Heir
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Unwilling Heir - 3"A Mysterious Inheritance and Murders
15 total reviews
Comment from prettybluebirds
Getting better and better with each chapter. You have me hooked on this story. I'm definitely looking forward to the next addition to the story. Keep writing, and I will keep reading.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2024
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Getting better and better with each chapter. You have me hooked on this story. I'm definitely looking forward to the next addition to the story. Keep writing, and I will keep reading.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2024
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It seems that I got a better feel for the story as time went on in my writing. i am glad that it has triggered your interest.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from LJbutterfly
Please do not shelve this story. It has a different and interesting plot. There are many people, or I should say ghosts, depending on Sandra to figure out what happened to them. That is why she received the letter saying she inherited the mansion. They want her to become involved with the mansion and solve the mysteries. This is intriguing, and can go in all sorts of directions. Only you could think this up and pull it off. I look forward to the next chapters.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2024
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Please do not shelve this story. It has a different and interesting plot. There are many people, or I should say ghosts, depending on Sandra to figure out what happened to them. That is why she received the letter saying she inherited the mansion. They want her to become involved with the mansion and solve the mysteries. This is intriguing, and can go in all sorts of directions. Only you could think this up and pull it off. I look forward to the next chapters.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2024
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You know exactly what to say to pick up my spirits and urge me to continue. I really appreciate it. My granddaughters are taking up my time at the moment but I will try to keep the chapters coming.
Happy Easter to you, Lorraine.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I don't think it's hard to follow, I think it is a mystery murder, and they are never straight forward. You leave little crumbs of clues which we pick up and examine, then file them away until it connects with more clues. This is great writing, my friend. Once Sandra knows the Judge she spoke to at the funeral, is the ghost of the man she has just discovered is dead, then she will get all the help she needs. I off to read the next one now!! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2024
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I don't think it's hard to follow, I think it is a mystery murder, and they are never straight forward. You leave little crumbs of clues which we pick up and examine, then file them away until it connects with more clues. This is great writing, my friend. Once Sandra knows the Judge she spoke to at the funeral, is the ghost of the man she has just discovered is dead, then she will get all the help she needs. I off to read the next one now!! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 28-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2024
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Thanks so much, Sandra. Your reviews always make me feel so much better about my writing. Speaking of...the contest ends in 2 days...fingers crossed.
Smiles, Carol
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I wish you the very best of luck, my friend. I'll be surprised if it doesn't win. I haven't seen any other contest entries. Have you? 🥰🥰xx
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I was told that Doug Goff might have one, but I don't know him. I'm sure there would be more. It was fun to do thought in the beginning I thought it would be difficult.
Thanks so much, Sandra for always rooting for me.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Esther Brown
I thought it was great except the creak of the bookcase grabbed me and I was wondering why it would creak when she didn't touch it. Made me think she was going to be attacked but didn't happen. Maybe some other way to lead into her noticing the hidden panel? Please don't scrap it yet. I have not had trouble following it so far and I am waiting for the ending. Esther
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2024
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I thought it was great except the creak of the bookcase grabbed me and I was wondering why it would creak when she didn't touch it. Made me think she was going to be attacked but didn't happen. Maybe some other way to lead into her noticing the hidden panel? Please don't scrap it yet. I have not had trouble following it so far and I am waiting for the ending. Esther
Comment Written 27-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2024
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Thanks for the four stars and your thoughts on the chapter. I'll see about changing the door squeaking ...guess I never gave it a thought. Thanks for the review.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Sally Law
I check up on you from time to time to make sure you're doing okay. You've got a unique story here with a little bit of everything. Crime/Fiction with a supernatural twist. Very well written and illustrated too. It doesn't feel hard to follow at all.
A word of wisdom I have acquired over time: Do what you feel in your heart to do. Write what you want to write. Be your own authentic self. At the end of the day, there's nothing more satisfying.
My novel, The Aspen Grove Murders, was similar to this and had angels and demons as characters. Many said it was my best book; a few didn't like it.
I never have much of an outline, I just sit down and write what comes to me. Unusual, I know; however that's me.
Anyway, I thought I would weigh in because I noticed a reviewer gave you a low score. I felt it undeserved and over-reaching.
Sending along my very best,
Sal Xos
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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I check up on you from time to time to make sure you're doing okay. You've got a unique story here with a little bit of everything. Crime/Fiction with a supernatural twist. Very well written and illustrated too. It doesn't feel hard to follow at all.
A word of wisdom I have acquired over time: Do what you feel in your heart to do. Write what you want to write. Be your own authentic self. At the end of the day, there's nothing more satisfying.
My novel, The Aspen Grove Murders, was similar to this and had angels and demons as characters. Many said it was my best book; a few didn't like it.
I never have much of an outline, I just sit down and write what comes to me. Unusual, I know; however that's me.
Anyway, I thought I would weigh in because I noticed a reviewer gave you a low score. I felt it undeserved and over-reaching.
Sending along my very best,
Sal Xos
Comment Written 27-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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Thanks so much for chiming in Sally. I've been very unsettled about this story.
I too write a I go and let the story own me...That's always been my style. Funny how much we write the same...a good funny! I love your stories too!
Appreciate your thoughts and comments. Makes me feel better. Catching a plane for some beach time with my great granddaughters in a few hours. Much needed rest!
Smiles and hugs, Carol
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Most welcome. I hope it helps. When my confidence wanes, so does my writing and my joy. If I lose those, it seems empty.
Have a great trip and restful time.
Sal Xos
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I so agree with you...Thanks!
Smiles and hugs, Carol
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:)))
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
I think it is going well and I also think she would have taken that book she found. It certainly seems like a good story but "you deserve a break today." Come back to it next month or the one after, although I hate to wait that long for another of your great stories.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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I think it is going well and I also think she would have taken that book she found. It certainly seems like a good story but "you deserve a break today." Come back to it next month or the one after, although I hate to wait that long for another of your great stories.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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Thanks, Carol...I have a few more chapters written which I might post....one today and then maybe while I am gone...??? Catching that plane to N.C. in five hours and the beach is calling me. Take care!
Smiles, Carol
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Have a great time at the beach!
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, for me, this story certainly isn't hard to follow and three chapters is enough that you have me hooked and wanting more. Anyway, I guess I'll just have to wait until you are satisfied yourself. :-) It's always a pleasure, my dear. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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Well, for me, this story certainly isn't hard to follow and three chapters is enough that you have me hooked and wanting more. Anyway, I guess I'll just have to wait until you are satisfied yourself. :-) It's always a pleasure, my dear. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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Someone suggested I do the same thing as I did in Life's Twisted Road and have them talking to St. Peter at the beginning... only thing Isabella wasn't a true ghost in the reader's minds and I've already done that. I'm catching a plane in five hours for N.C. and the beach.... Thank you for liking the story... I'll figure this out as long as you keep me smiling. LOL Take care -
Smiles, Carol
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It's still too cold for the beach in North Carolina. But have a great trip and a good time!
Comment from royowen
No this is much better Carol. I can remember reading books that were hard to read for a few chapters, but pressing on, I found them really interesting, you're a good writer, just a minor hiccup Carol, I've read much, much worse, I if you write, I will read, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
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No this is much better Carol. I can remember reading books that were hard to read for a few chapters, but pressing on, I found them really interesting, you're a good writer, just a minor hiccup Carol, I've read much, much worse, I if you write, I will read, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 26-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
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Thanks so much Roy. I guess I just didn't know how to get the story rolling since technically I was trying to hide the idea of the ghosts. Hope it goes better from here. Thank you so much!
Smiles and hugs, Carol
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Bless you
Comment from karenina
There you are! This chapter has much better pacing, delightful details deftly delivered, and concentrating on basically one character provides some insight as to what the frenetic first chapters were leading to. You're no quitter. Nor should you be! You're trying out an entirely new (multi-layered) genre and it's going to take a minute to figure it out. Chapter three is full of that frisson of anticipation you're so adept at. I hope you continue... I suspect as you progress, you'll find a way to rework chapters one and two in a way that will become clearer for you.
Karenina
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
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There you are! This chapter has much better pacing, delightful details deftly delivered, and concentrating on basically one character provides some insight as to what the frenetic first chapters were leading to. You're no quitter. Nor should you be! You're trying out an entirely new (multi-layered) genre and it's going to take a minute to figure it out. Chapter three is full of that frisson of anticipation you're so adept at. I hope you continue... I suspect as you progress, you'll find a way to rework chapters one and two in a way that will become clearer for you.
Karenina
Comment Written 26-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
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Tears! I am such a sap! Thank you so much for kicking me in the butt and getting my head back on straight. You're good for me even when I don't like it. LOL
Love ya, Carol
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We're all protective of our "babies" ...LOL. I SO get it!
Looks like the train is on the right track and I've punched my ticket for the whole journey!
:)
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I just want to get out of here tomorrow morning and leave some people far behind. Things were going so smoothly and I wasn't prepared ...my fault. I shouldn't have let my guard down. But I'm good... well as good as I can at the moment. Always know that you had the right and should always tell me what you think...how else would I know.
Thanks! Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Send it to me in email I will look over what you have and send you ideas. I think you are just wiped out from the novel. Write some poems or jokes or a children's story. flash fiction. I will send you my story I did not like the ending of and you can tell me what you think.people wanted me to make it a novel.
Take it easy . I bet you win. Karen
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reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
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Send it to me in email I will look over what you have and send you ideas. I think you are just wiped out from the novel. Write some poems or jokes or a children's story. flash fiction. I will send you my story I did not like the ending of and you can tell me what you think.people wanted me to make it a novel.
Take it easy . I bet you win. Karen
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
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Mark down! Oh my, you really must not like the third chapter and I thought that was the best of the three. Sorry about that! What would you change about it?
Smiles, Carol
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If you want me to truly go over it email me the story. It doesn't even seem written by you. Or, it seems like a story from when you were first beginning. You said to critique you honestly.This is a horror story. So it needs a slow build, It feels you started writing at chapter six. You are a very good writer, but there are basic rules to any type of story. A foundation must first be built. In a horror story, The heroines back story is all important. It is the first hurdle. Here we know nothing. Then, we are introduced to her best friend or mentor. So, we know what kind of support system she has. Etc. Karen :-)
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Sorry...I am leaving on vacation so I won't be redoing the story until I get back. Thank you. It actually is a mystery with some humorous ghosts...no horror. I appreciate your thoughts and time.
See you later.
Carol
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Be careful out there. Get your well deserved rest. Karen
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thank you
