Post Truth World
Forced to Rhyme10 total reviews
Comment from patcelaw
I like this, and I wish you the very best in the contest. The truth is I am very tired today. The truth is I didn't sleep well last night. The truth is if I don't get some rest soon I think I will have to quit writing.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2024
  |
I like this, and I wish you the very best in the contest. The truth is I am very tired today. The truth is I didn't sleep well last night. The truth is if I don't get some rest soon I think I will have to quit writing.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2024
-
Love it! It works so well as a format. Thank you
Comment from Ric Myworld
As I've often said, when it comes to poetry, I wouldn't know a sonnet from sorbet. And although I don't read a lot of poetry, you've certainly said a mouth full with your poem. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2024
|
As I've often said, when it comes to poetry, I wouldn't know a sonnet from sorbet. And although I don't read a lot of poetry, you've certainly said a mouth full with your poem. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2024
-
Thank you.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Thank you for explaining 'fag packet'. I remember 60 years ago we used to call cigarettes fags, but I'd forgotten.
I'm afraid that I am a bit more than ambivalent - and therefore, if I value potential reviewers, need to at least try to keep some of my beliefs to myself. I'm glad for others to express themselves, though. (smiley face here)
'overfed'= fat, but I guess you needed the syllables (smiley face here)
Thank you for your timely post.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
|
Thank you for explaining 'fag packet'. I remember 60 years ago we used to call cigarettes fags, but I'd forgotten.
I'm afraid that I am a bit more than ambivalent - and therefore, if I value potential reviewers, need to at least try to keep some of my beliefs to myself. I'm glad for others to express themselves, though. (smiley face here)
'overfed'= fat, but I guess you needed the syllables (smiley face here)
Thank you for your timely post.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
-
Thank you and yes I that might become my catch phrase "blame it on the syllables.
Comment from RFL
There is "a lot" about your perspective of truth in your poem, and I appreciate where you are coming from -- at least, I think I know where you are coming from. Of course, I could be totally wrong.
You have a lot good work here. Since this a review, dare I make a couple of comments, which might get you to that sixth star? Here goes. I am a writer as you probably are too. As such, I am so into grammatical construction. Therefore, I suggest enhancement for some lines as follows:
Instead of "The truth is I don't know where I put it," may I suggest: The truth is lost; where did I put it.
"The truth is this is not what I voted for". Perhaps you didn't realize that "is this" should not be in this line?
Just a couple of suggestions. Good luck to you.
Best,
RFL
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
|
There is "a lot" about your perspective of truth in your poem, and I appreciate where you are coming from -- at least, I think I know where you are coming from. Of course, I could be totally wrong.
You have a lot good work here. Since this a review, dare I make a couple of comments, which might get you to that sixth star? Here goes. I am a writer as you probably are too. As such, I am so into grammatical construction. Therefore, I suggest enhancement for some lines as follows:
Instead of "The truth is I don't know where I put it," may I suggest: The truth is lost; where did I put it.
"The truth is this is not what I voted for". Perhaps you didn't realize that "is this" should not be in this line?
Just a couple of suggestions. Good luck to you.
Best,
RFL
Comment Written 27-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
-
Many thanks for your review it is appreciated, I am afraid your suggestion do not work for me. I will try to explain why.
This was written as a spoken word piece as I run an open mike poetry session each week. When I read it I tend to say the words the truths is trailing off as though I am think about and making up the next words as I speak them. I am unsure how to pass this message on in a poem using punctuation. Instead I tried to use as little punctuation as possible limiting myself just to a few commas.
The poem is written to be a stream of conscientiousness.
The first stanza is all about the truth which is written on a fag packet, the next line refers to that fag packet as does the third. The forth line brings the existence of the fag packet into question, So changing the line as you suggest would not work as it is not the truth that is lost but the packet.
The other suggest you made would also change the meaning of the line. I wrote: The truth is this is not what I voted for. Meaning I did not vote for this. Hope this clarifies things a little.
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
You can close to a six. Brilliant thinking. But, some of your rhymes are iffy. And, you have no picture. Don't go getting you panties in a wad. When I started writing in August, I was four square against it. "My work should speak for itself , and all that." But, I found that a picture can enhance the story and reshape it somewhat as well. You can find free pictures on Bing, Google, and Pinterest to start, they are the biggies. Just write in your authors notes where you got it from, and it is free. Good work. Karen
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
|
You can close to a six. Brilliant thinking. But, some of your rhymes are iffy. And, you have no picture. Don't go getting you panties in a wad. When I started writing in August, I was four square against it. "My work should speak for itself , and all that." But, I found that a picture can enhance the story and reshape it somewhat as well. You can find free pictures on Bing, Google, and Pinterest to start, they are the biggies. Just write in your authors notes where you got it from, and it is free. Good work. Karen
Comment Written 27-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
-
Thanks for you time, much appreciated. I did try to put a picture in this but it was in bedded; because the competition is for prose or poetry. The in bedded picture did not work at all for poetry ad the first Stanza was squished up and ruined. I would say in my accent most of the rhyming works the only iffy one is facts and scraps which doesn't look like it works but in my Northern English accent it comes out sound a like fax an scraps. Thanks for your review, a five is great by me.
-
I have another English friend who reminds me that our pronunciations are different. I am a Texan, and we are Southern. We can drawl out syllables like nobody's business. I am prepared for the next time I see your work.
And your 5 was earned dear boy. Karen
-
We pronunciation is very blunt, many letters or rendered silent. I recorded myself recently for a radio show, I hated the sound of my own voice. lol.
Comment from jessizero
You might want to include a note about "fag packet." I know it means cigarette package to some people, but it has a completely different connotation here. Feel free to ignore this, though. I admired your poem and your rhymes. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
|
You might want to include a note about "fag packet." I know it means cigarette package to some people, but it has a completely different connotation here. Feel free to ignore this, though. I admired your poem and your rhymes. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
-
Thank you, I'll add a note.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
It sounds like there is no truth here, only lies and I enjoyed this inventive post, especially the bit about the empty fag packet and an ashtray with a burning cigarette when the truth is you gave up smoking . . . . . a clever post for the contest, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
|
It sounds like there is no truth here, only lies and I enjoyed this inventive post, especially the bit about the empty fag packet and an ashtray with a burning cigarette when the truth is you gave up smoking . . . . . a clever post for the contest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 26-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
-
Thank you Dolly.
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
This is an interesting poem, for the challenge. It is well written and has an important timely message. I like how you use imagery and colorful descriptions to explain you4r meaning and emotion. I enjoyed reviewing this. Thank you for sharing it.
Best wishes,
Alex
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
 |
This is an interesting poem, for the challenge. It is well written and has an important timely message. I like how you use imagery and colorful descriptions to explain you4r meaning and emotion. I enjoyed reviewing this. Thank you for sharing it.
Best wishes,
Alex
Comment Written 26-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
-
Thank you.
Comment from royowen
The narrative looke like several streams of consciousness, much like someone very disturbed, obviously bothered, it appears like a mental breakdown, somebody trying to come to grips with he condition, opinions have many sources, but the have the same things in common, little truth bind them together, lots of supposition. Beautifully written, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
|
The narrative looke like several streams of consciousness, much like someone very disturbed, obviously bothered, it appears like a mental breakdown, somebody trying to come to grips with he condition, opinions have many sources, but the have the same things in common, little truth bind them together, lots of supposition. Beautifully written, blessings Roy
Comment Written 26-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
-
Thank you. In my mind it is argued between two people. One offer narration. No wrongs and right and I thank you for your insights.
-
Well done
-
In the interests of fairness I am informing you that I have totally rewritten the poem you reviewed. As it did not fit the brief, I have changed it. So I would invite you to reread and adjust your grade accordingly.
-
In the interests of fairness I am informing you that I have totally rewritten the poem you reviewed. As it did not fit the brief, I have changed it. So I would invite you to reread and adjust your grade accordingly.
-
OK
Comment from Barry Penfold
I found the formatting and concept quite engaging. I think it works well despite the rhyming issue. Blue is fine and really does sit along the formatting and concept. A bit different.
Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
|
I found the formatting and concept quite engaging. I think it works well despite the rhyming issue. Blue is fine and really does sit along the formatting and concept. A bit different.
Take care and have a wonderful day.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
-
Thank you.
-
In the interests of fairness I am informing you that I have totally rewritten the poem you reviewed. As it did not fit the brief, I have changed it. So I would invite you to reread and adjust your grade accordingly.
