The Unwilling Heir
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The Unwilling Heir - Chap 2"A Mysterious Inheritance and Murders
16 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
Carol,
Told you I'd be back - just takes me a minute.
Notes:
1.) Don't scare her away unless â?"Well, you know the other alternative."
--> Evil Eddie got you
2.) "But honestly, we were waiting impatiently for you, but the donuts would have been a bonus."
--> 'but' x 2
Thanks - gotta go!
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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Carol,
Told you I'd be back - just takes me a minute.
Notes:
1.) Don't scare her away unless â?"Well, you know the other alternative."
--> Evil Eddie got you
2.) "But honestly, we were waiting impatiently for you, but the donuts would have been a bonus."
--> 'but' x 2
Thanks - gotta go!
Comment Written 03-May-2024
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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i need one of those apps that screams at me when I use repetitive words because my brain certainly doesn't seem to catch them. I shall go immediately and see if I can get it fixed. Thanks for catching another chapter. Hope your day is a good one.
Smiles, Carol
Fixed and thank you as always.
Comment from prettybluebirds
I like this story; you are doing a superb job writing it. I will get caught up tonight and wait for the next addition. You do a marvelous job with the dialogue and building suspense.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2024
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I like this story; you are doing a superb job writing it. I will get caught up tonight and wait for the next addition. You do a marvelous job with the dialogue and building suspense.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2024
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Thanks so much for continuing to follow. Feel free to let me know if things don't seem quite right.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from LJbutterfly
I'm having fun with this story. There are a lot of questions to be answered, but I've noticed you have placed many fun clues along the way. Chapters 1 and 2 introduce your characters. I think the Detective, Judge, Benny and Lorrie are ghosts. I'm not yet sure about James, even though he disappeared from the cemetery with the others.
Benny is unemployed. But these are the things said about Benny.
Chapter 1 - "He pointed his finger at the widow and mimicked the sound of a gun, holding up his finger."
Chapter 2 = "I might have put some of these people six feet under."
Ah ha! Benny is, or was a hit man.
BTW, I love Lorrie's name.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
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I'm having fun with this story. There are a lot of questions to be answered, but I've noticed you have placed many fun clues along the way. Chapters 1 and 2 introduce your characters. I think the Detective, Judge, Benny and Lorrie are ghosts. I'm not yet sure about James, even though he disappeared from the cemetery with the others.
Benny is unemployed. But these are the things said about Benny.
Chapter 1 - "He pointed his finger at the widow and mimicked the sound of a gun, holding up his finger."
Chapter 2 = "I might have put some of these people six feet under."
Ah ha! Benny is, or was a hit man.
BTW, I love Lorrie's name.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
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Hi Lorraine! I thought you might like my Lorrie! I hoped you would. And you are the first person to figure out that Benny was a hitman. Gold star for you! Thanks for reading and enjoying...some have not and a couple have sent me private messages that left me screaming and it wasn't from the ghosts. I've never seen such reaction to the story and the writer. Glas you are enjoying and thanks.
Smiles,
Carol
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Sandra has a hard task in front of her, with more enemies than friends. That horrid wife Madeline, well, we all know she was the murderer, she wanted to get her dirty hands on all her late husband's money. But she obviously didn't think he'd left it to anoher member of the family. Great chapter, my friend. I don't have any sixes left, but I promise this deserves one. Well done! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2024
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Sandra has a hard task in front of her, with more enemies than friends. That horrid wife Madeline, well, we all know she was the murderer, she wanted to get her dirty hands on all her late husband's money. But she obviously didn't think he'd left it to anoher member of the family. Great chapter, my friend. I don't have any sixes left, but I promise this deserves one. Well done! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 28-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2024
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Good morning, Sandra...I am in N.C. now with the grandbabies but they are sleeping in so I thought I would try to return some of the reviews. Glad you are enjoying the story...I was scared to death and the PMs I got where wicked. But as long as my favorite writer thinks it's okay, I'm good with it.
Smiles, hugs and love....Carol
Comment from Esther Brown
I came back to this one and re-read it because you said some people were getting lost. The only thing on here that caused me some confusion was the ear splitting scream that sounded like a hurt animal but turned out to be a dusty scolding plump grandmotherly sort. Maybe that is intended so I really cannot make any suggestions. I picture her as incongruent. Not sure what her place in the story is yet. Esther
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2024
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I came back to this one and re-read it because you said some people were getting lost. The only thing on here that caused me some confusion was the ear splitting scream that sounded like a hurt animal but turned out to be a dusty scolding plump grandmotherly sort. Maybe that is intended so I really cannot make any suggestions. I picture her as incongruent. Not sure what her place in the story is yet. Esther
Comment Written 27-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2024
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Hello, Esther
Sorry I am behind but I was traveling and finally got settled with my great granddaughters. I appreciate that you have continued to read the story. I made a change on the scream...thank you
Smiles, Carol
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I can't wait to get to know her better. I picture her as a mystic maybe, disguised as a housekeeper?
Comment from Gunner Lil
This has the ability to be a fine novel.
A lot of information in this chapter about your characters and the plot of the story.
Good dialogue for the most part.
At the end of Chapter One you had the two men sitting on a cement bench- cement is a product that makes a concrete bench.
Thank you for sharing!
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
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This has the ability to be a fine novel.
A lot of information in this chapter about your characters and the plot of the story.
Good dialogue for the most part.
At the end of Chapter One you had the two men sitting on a cement bench- cement is a product that makes a concrete bench.
Thank you for sharing!
Comment Written 27-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
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Thanks for your thoughts and the review. I appreciate it very much. I did check and according to Lowes the bench can be referred to either way. They are both ingredients to make the bench. Thanks for the suggestions.
Smiles, Carol
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I can't believe that an MFA is working in the lawn department of Lowe's.
I was trying to help you to use the proper terminology that any editor would.
Sorry you didn't like my critique.
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I am sorry I meant only to tell you why I used the cement bench. Not a problem. Have a great day.
Comment from Ric Myworld
I learn things from every thing you write, and with this story, I've learned that unemployment can unmask hidden talents. Like maybe robbing a banks or becoming a dope dealer. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
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I learn things from every thing you write, and with this story, I've learned that unemployment can unmask hidden talents. Like maybe robbing a banks or becoming a dope dealer. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
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Benny's unemployed, thank heavens! But he's not a robber or a dope dealer....but I'm not telling just yet. LOL Thanks for making me smile as always.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Wendy G
Oh, they were supernatural beings? Judging by the last part? So she is basically on her own, inheriting a mansion from a guy who must have known he was about to be murdered, probably by his mercenary wife? Will these characters reappear at intervals to help her solve the crime? Am I on the right track?
Wendy
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
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Oh, they were supernatural beings? Judging by the last part? So she is basically on her own, inheriting a mansion from a guy who must have known he was about to be murdered, probably by his mercenary wife? Will these characters reappear at intervals to help her solve the crime? Am I on the right track?
Wendy
Comment Written 26-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
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You are definitely on track...but I am thinking about shelving the story. People are saying it's moving too fast and hard to keep track...people I value very much. I've written 6 chapters but I don't think I can salvage it. Any suggestions?
Thanks...Carol
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I took a while to realise they may not have been real and alive, but I just read the next chapter, and I think it clarifies this one quite well. If people read the next they too will "get it". I wouldn't shelve it . Your brain carries more than most of ours, so we migth be a bit slow at the beginning. I'll be happy if you continue!
Wendy
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Oh, Wendy...you couldn't have said anything nicer to me at this moment. Thank you so much. I've been up all night trying to decide, and I, too, thought the third chapter might make things clear. That's why I decided to post it.
Thanks again!
Hugs, Carol
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I'm not so sure about the brain though. LOL
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LOL. I am convinced you got a double allocation of brain cells.
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I needed that shot in the arm so much! Thank you!
Comment from karenina
Love you, but thus far the pace is so fast I can't keep up. Humor? Mystery?
Murder? Ghosts? That's a LOT to pull off and I'm having difficulty engaging with the plot(s)...
I'll hang in here, but I miss your prioritized, focused, writing.
(Also Garth...smile)
Karenina
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
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Love you, but thus far the pace is so fast I can't keep up. Humor? Mystery?
Murder? Ghosts? That's a LOT to pull off and I'm having difficulty engaging with the plot(s)...
I'll hang in here, but I miss your prioritized, focused, writing.
(Also Garth...smile)
Karenina
Comment Written 26-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
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I am waving the white flag... and taking a vacation. Sent you a pm.
Thanks for the honest review and the nudge to do what needs to be done.
Love ya, Carol
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Forgive me for being such an idiot...I appreciate your suggestions and help all the time. My emotions got out of hand because of something else and I haven't slept. One should not use the internet at those times.
Hugs, Carol
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Okaaaaaay. Nothing at all critical meant by it. It's my "expectation" of your previous writing that's thrown me off. Sorry!
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Sorry if you're having a bad time. I know what might be the source...and my hand is on your back, as always!
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I know that you will always be there. I just slipped and let things get the best of me.
Dumb blonde! LOL
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My apologies! We are all good! I just need some sleep.
Love ya, Carol
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is quite good and very interesting as they didn't exactly tell her anything except a reason to dislike Madeline, who has already proved she isn't likeable. So you now have a woman trying to convince herself that ghosts don't exist. Looking forward to next chapter.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
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This is quite good and very interesting as they didn't exactly tell her anything except a reason to dislike Madeline, who has already proved she isn't likeable. So you now have a woman trying to convince herself that ghosts don't exist. Looking forward to next chapter.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
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I appreciate all your kindness and the review, but I think too many are struggling with following the story... I need to pause and revamp.
Hugs, Carol
