Pipe Dreams
Gravitational Pulls On An Unwanted Waif16 total reviews
Comment from BethShelby
This is great story. I read all your post leading up to the adoption and although remember the incident, I'm sorry I didn't get to this version while it was still active. I always enjoy these kind of stories.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
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This is great story. I read all your post leading up to the adoption and although remember the incident, I'm sorry I didn't get to this version while it was still active. I always enjoy these kind of stories.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
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Appreciate your comments and the review.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was really sad, Brett. I never got to read your story, but would very much like to. So two questions.
1) Did you publish it? I'd like to buy it.
2) If not, why not?
I'm sure I had another question, but at my age they disappear very fast. This story really caught me out. We never really know what the people we get to know on here have gone through in their lifetimes, and I must admit, I never considered you to have gone through so much pain. It goes to show that most of us show a different side to the one that we put out on here. This was a really good entry into the contest, and I hope you win. Well done, and I really would like to read your whole story. Is it on here still? :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2024
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That was really sad, Brett. I never got to read your story, but would very much like to. So two questions.
1) Did you publish it? I'd like to buy it.
2) If not, why not?
I'm sure I had another question, but at my age they disappear very fast. This story really caught me out. We never really know what the people we get to know on here have gone through in their lifetimes, and I must admit, I never considered you to have gone through so much pain. It goes to show that most of us show a different side to the one that we put out on here. This was a really good entry into the contest, and I hope you win. Well done, and I really would like to read your whole story. Is it on here still? :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 31-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2024
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Have had a couple requests to repost Unwanted Dog in its entirety. Will probably do so. Appreciate your comments and the review.
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I hope you do. xx
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
If I had a six left, you would have received it. This was heartbreaking. I felt the flop-sweat terror of it.
I was there with you. You wrote this well. You are brave to do so. Karen
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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If I had a six left, you would have received it. This was heartbreaking. I felt the flop-sweat terror of it.
I was there with you. You wrote this well. You are brave to do so. Karen
Comment Written 30-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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Appreciate the review and your comments.
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:-)
Comment from John Ciarmello
This story is an interesting read, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. A twelve year old on the streets is frightening to think about no matter how street wise he or she is.
There's a lot to absorb here in an enjoyable way.
Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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This story is an interesting read, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. A twelve year old on the streets is frightening to think about no matter how street wise he or she is.
There's a lot to absorb here in an enjoyable way.
Best, JohnC
Comment Written 30-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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In Stanza One he appears to want things both ways, "repose beside the devil" and "dwell with God." Unfortunately, it does not work like that.
Rhyme scheme broken in Stanza Two as "by" and "crucified" do not rhyme.
Seems as depicted in Stanza Three he lives a "life of yin and yang" floating between good and evil all the time.
Appears he prefers "Satan's maze" over the house of prayer" as he constantly battles to see where he will prevail.
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You seem to have missed the point of this piece, and I understand.
However, I wasn't looking for you to review my work, so I'll take your review with a grain of salt you left me. Thank you for reviewing, and I will consider your critique.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
I've got a six left - yeah!
This was such a creative piece - great imagery - the internal dialogue was exceptional. It tugged at my heart. I loved your descriptions of some of the Walmart shoppers; yup, that pretty much describes many of them. And the cashiers are about the same. I haven't been in a Walmart in 10 years, but I understand nothing has changed.
You are a very "smart" writer, Brett. Reading this reminded me a lot of Phill Doran's work, and I think he's the best on this site.
I'm glad I read this - the image is what drew me in.
Good luck in the contest.
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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I've got a six left - yeah!
This was such a creative piece - great imagery - the internal dialogue was exceptional. It tugged at my heart. I loved your descriptions of some of the Walmart shoppers; yup, that pretty much describes many of them. And the cashiers are about the same. I haven't been in a Walmart in 10 years, but I understand nothing has changed.
You are a very "smart" writer, Brett. Reading this reminded me a lot of Phill Doran's work, and I think he's the best on this site.
I'm glad I read this - the image is what drew me in.
Good luck in the contest.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 29-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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Appreciate the comment about being a "smart" writer and the review.
Comment from T B Botts
Hello Brett,
this is worthy of a six, but it's Thursday, and I'm all out. You've described the emotions you experienced very well. I can't imagine being as young as you were, having been treated the way you were and for the first time experiencing compassion from a stranger. I'm sure it was overwhelming. Thanks so much for sharing this. I hope all is well with you.
Have a blessed day.
Tom
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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Hello Brett,
this is worthy of a six, but it's Thursday, and I'm all out. You've described the emotions you experienced very well. I can't imagine being as young as you were, having been treated the way you were and for the first time experiencing compassion from a stranger. I'm sure it was overwhelming. Thanks so much for sharing this. I hope all is well with you.
Have a blessed day.
Tom
Comment Written 28-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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Appreciate your comments and the review..
Comment from Ric Myworld
I used to wonder why there seemed to be a special connection between us and our writing. I mean, we'd never met, and other than reviewing each other's posts, there wasn't much communication. Of course, over time that's changed, and our similar experiences explain our shared views and opinions, and why we feel the ways we do about some things. Thanks for sharing. I hope all is going as well as can be expected and you'll have some good news to share soon. :-)
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
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I used to wonder why there seemed to be a special connection between us and our writing. I mean, we'd never met, and other than reviewing each other's posts, there wasn't much communication. Of course, over time that's changed, and our similar experiences explain our shared views and opinions, and why we feel the ways we do about some things. Thanks for sharing. I hope all is going as well as can be expected and you'll have some good news to share soon. :-)
Comment Written 28-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
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Always most appreciate your comments and reviews. Now write something new so we can all read and enjoy what you present.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Was his worst fear returning to Hermitage, or losing an adoptive father?
...the SuperCab caught my attention first as I recall. - Could use a comma after 'first'.
Fortunate for me as it turned out, ... - Could use a comma after 'me'.
I must confess. For a mere instant the thought entered my mind. - These two sentences would read better with a comma instead of a period after 'confess'.
Big words unnecessarily implemented are one thing, but as in first person of a twelve-year-old they fall flat. (sorry)
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
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Was his worst fear returning to Hermitage, or losing an adoptive father?
...the SuperCab caught my attention first as I recall. - Could use a comma after 'first'.
Fortunate for me as it turned out, ... - Could use a comma after 'me'.
I must confess. For a mere instant the thought entered my mind. - These two sentences would read better with a comma instead of a period after 'confess'.
Big words unnecessarily implemented are one thing, but as in first person of a twelve-year-old they fall flat. (sorry)
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
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Appreciate the comma recommendations and the review.
Comment from Wendy G
I remember your story of the unwanted Dog, and I am just as moved by reading this one as I was then reading your autobiography. Of course this would be your greatest fear, losing a man who had been kind to you, when you had never experienced any such kindness previously. My heart aches for what you had to go through. The writing is a bit rough and tough - but that's exactly as it should be, written from the point of view of one who had a very rough and harsh life. It makes it all the more authentic. Best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
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I remember your story of the unwanted Dog, and I am just as moved by reading this one as I was then reading your autobiography. Of course this would be your greatest fear, losing a man who had been kind to you, when you had never experienced any such kindness previously. My heart aches for what you had to go through. The writing is a bit rough and tough - but that's exactly as it should be, written from the point of view of one who had a very rough and harsh life. It makes it all the more authentic. Best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 28-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2024
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Glad you enjoyed this posting. Appreciate the review and your comments.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a sad/happy story as it all turned out for the best. You still use $10 words when most people are happier with $5 words. I wrote like you when I began writing and was kicked to the gutter by too many editors. Most of them seemed to think $2 words worked best.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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This is a sad/happy story as it all turned out for the best. You still use $10 words when most people are happier with $5 words. I wrote like you when I began writing and was kicked to the gutter by too many editors. Most of them seemed to think $2 words worked best.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
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Appreciate your comments and the review.
