Flippant Grudge
Acrostic Poem4 total reviews
Comment from Saki the Artist
This has a great message, and I can relate. I, too, was raised Christian, became Atheist, and found faith in another way later in life.
The rhymes are good. I like the ambition of this poem. It's not easy to find 8 things that rhyme, one for each line. Good job with the loose rhymes/assonance ("scars" blends right in with "lost" and "thoughts").
I'm giving a four star because there is room for improvement. The word "thoughts" was used twice as a rhyming word (Lines 4 & 7). It's my personal opinion, but I think it would be a stronger poem without recycled rhymes.
The other thing is proofreading. The word "divine" was spelled "devine" here.
Something that made this poem BETTER than average was the alliterative phrases throughout, which emphasized the featured letter (F-undamentally f-flawed, L-ament what's l-ost, P-aid the P-rice, etc.)
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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This has a great message, and I can relate. I, too, was raised Christian, became Atheist, and found faith in another way later in life.
The rhymes are good. I like the ambition of this poem. It's not easy to find 8 things that rhyme, one for each line. Good job with the loose rhymes/assonance ("scars" blends right in with "lost" and "thoughts").
I'm giving a four star because there is room for improvement. The word "thoughts" was used twice as a rhyming word (Lines 4 & 7). It's my personal opinion, but I think it would be a stronger poem without recycled rhymes.
The other thing is proofreading. The word "divine" was spelled "devine" here.
Something that made this poem BETTER than average was the alliterative phrases throughout, which emphasized the featured letter (F-undamentally f-flawed, L-ament what's l-ost, P-aid the P-rice, etc.)
Comment Written 17-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Hi Saki. Thank you for your review. I agree with you. I think I'll make a few changes. The writing prompts on FanStory have served to get the creative juices flowing and my ultimate desire is to be open to growth and change.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
An excellent and very relatable approach to faith! I enjoyed your rhyme pattern and regular flow which so often gets forgotten in acrostic verses. My favourite is the second stanza that is particularly notable for using original and well-expressed sentiments to portray your return journey. Well done and good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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An excellent and very relatable approach to faith! I enjoyed your rhyme pattern and regular flow which so often gets forgotten in acrostic verses. My favourite is the second stanza that is particularly notable for using original and well-expressed sentiments to portray your return journey. Well done and good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 16-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Thank you Debbie
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A spiritual write for the Easter celebration here and I enjoyed your subtle acrostic for the contest and wish you luck with it. An inventive post, love Dolly x x x x
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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A spiritual write for the Easter celebration here and I enjoyed your subtle acrostic for the contest and wish you luck with it. An inventive post, love Dolly x x x x
Comment Written 15-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Thank you Dolly
Comment from Julie Helms
Pretty impressive testimony of your faith, there and back again, with an acrostic poem!
One comment:
Devine light holds more appeal (Divine...)
Nicely done! Julie :-)
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Pretty impressive testimony of your faith, there and back again, with an acrostic poem!
One comment:
Devine light holds more appeal (Divine...)
Nicely done! Julie :-)
Comment Written 15-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Thanks Julie. Yes, Devine!! Oops... :) I appreciate you
