The Jagged Edge
monsters return!22 total reviews
Comment from Esther Brown
Jagged Edge caught my attention. Reminded me of the B movies about monsters my husband loves.
I got lost with the word "hovering" in the bunker....made my thoughts wander to levitation?
I liked the quick back and forward story. Looked back at the picture and realized it was a "she" and she wasn't wearing scuba gear. Hiccupped a bit but would like to hear the next chapter about how we caregivers of the earth are screwing up God's world. You sucked me in to the slow motion video of impending death. Good job.
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Jagged Edge caught my attention. Reminded me of the B movies about monsters my husband loves.
I got lost with the word "hovering" in the bunker....made my thoughts wander to levitation?
I liked the quick back and forward story. Looked back at the picture and realized it was a "she" and she wasn't wearing scuba gear. Hiccupped a bit but would like to hear the next chapter about how we caregivers of the earth are screwing up God's world. You sucked me in to the slow motion video of impending death. Good job.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2024
Comment from Frank Malley
this story has similarities to "Godzilla," and other stories in which man's greedy exploitation of nature and science leads to disaster. The shifts in scene were a little awkward. A little more credible phony science would've helped. Great pictures! Who could resist a poster with a busty, pretty woman being clutched by some grim and ugly creature!
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this story has similarities to "Godzilla," and other stories in which man's greedy exploitation of nature and science leads to disaster. The shifts in scene were a little awkward. A little more credible phony science would've helped. Great pictures! Who could resist a poster with a busty, pretty woman being clutched by some grim and ugly creature!
Comment Written 02-Mar-2024
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Jim,
This is right out of the 1960s, a sci-fi horror movie where everyone gets killed by a man-made monster. The only thing missing was King Kong himself.
I hope I haven't been too picky. See what you think with my ideas, and toss any aside that don't help.
"The creature's mandibles cut towards me, like sharp scissors on thin paper, while its two bulging eyes tore into the jagged edge of my soul." ... (I suggest,
The creature's mandibles cut towards me, like sharp scissors on thin paper, while its two bulging eyes bore into the jagged edge of my soul.)
"Funny how, when you know the end is coming, your mind freezes in slow motion and every little detail becomes (so) clear and played out." ... (I suggest deleting "so". It's a weak word, a filler. Same for this sentence,
"I was part of the scientific team studying effects of radiation on desert flora and fauna when Hurricane Michael hit (so) unexpectedly." )
"It veered off its plotted course, proving The Lord had more knowledge than his (oh-so)-confident creation." ... ( I suggest,
It veered off its plotted course, proving the Lord had more knowledge than his overconfident creation. )
"The radioactivity not only caused the mollusks to grow (into) gigantic proportions, (but) to (protrude) huge, flesh-tearing mandibles!" ... ( I suggest,
The radioactivity not only caused the mollusks to grow to gigantic proportions, but also to extend huge, flesh-tearing mandibles!" )
"Yeh! I remember!" I shouted. "I saw it years ago! What was it...(")The...The Monster...?" ... (I suggest,
"Yeah! I remember!" I shouted. "I saw it years ago! What was it? ...The Monster..."
"You're joshin'us!" laughed Rice. (space,
"You're joshin' us!" laughed Rice. )
"I wished I had brought long a spear gun, anything to use in my defense."...(I suggest,
(I wished I had brought a spear gun along, anything to use in my defense.)
"Doc filled us in back in the lab." ... ( I suggest,
Back in the lab, Doc filled us in.)
"Back in the lab, we plotted the situation." ... ( I suggest,
We headed back to the lab to figure out what to do.)
"We need to know where exactly these creatures are, and if there are any recent, unhatched eggs." ... ( I suggest,
"We need to know exactly where these creatures are, and if there are any recent, unhatched eggs." )
"As long as man plays with fire, he is certain to get burnt." ...( I suggest,
As long as man plays with fire, he is certain to get burned.)
"We stand on the jagged edge of a frightening future." ... (You used "jagged edge" in your very first paragraph. Bad spot to use it again, in these final lines. I suggest,
We stand on the fringe of a frightening future.)
Good Luck in the contest!
Cheers,
Kimbob
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Hi Jim,
This is right out of the 1960s, a sci-fi horror movie where everyone gets killed by a man-made monster. The only thing missing was King Kong himself.
I hope I haven't been too picky. See what you think with my ideas, and toss any aside that don't help.
"The creature's mandibles cut towards me, like sharp scissors on thin paper, while its two bulging eyes tore into the jagged edge of my soul." ... (I suggest,
The creature's mandibles cut towards me, like sharp scissors on thin paper, while its two bulging eyes bore into the jagged edge of my soul.)
"Funny how, when you know the end is coming, your mind freezes in slow motion and every little detail becomes (so) clear and played out." ... (I suggest deleting "so". It's a weak word, a filler. Same for this sentence,
"I was part of the scientific team studying effects of radiation on desert flora and fauna when Hurricane Michael hit (so) unexpectedly." )
"It veered off its plotted course, proving The Lord had more knowledge than his (oh-so)-confident creation." ... ( I suggest,
It veered off its plotted course, proving the Lord had more knowledge than his overconfident creation. )
"The radioactivity not only caused the mollusks to grow (into) gigantic proportions, (but) to (protrude) huge, flesh-tearing mandibles!" ... ( I suggest,
The radioactivity not only caused the mollusks to grow to gigantic proportions, but also to extend huge, flesh-tearing mandibles!" )
"Yeh! I remember!" I shouted. "I saw it years ago! What was it...(")The...The Monster...?" ... (I suggest,
"Yeah! I remember!" I shouted. "I saw it years ago! What was it? ...The Monster..."
"You're joshin'us!" laughed Rice. (space,
"You're joshin' us!" laughed Rice. )
"I wished I had brought long a spear gun, anything to use in my defense."...(I suggest,
(I wished I had brought a spear gun along, anything to use in my defense.)
"Doc filled us in back in the lab." ... ( I suggest,
Back in the lab, Doc filled us in.)
"Back in the lab, we plotted the situation." ... ( I suggest,
We headed back to the lab to figure out what to do.)
"We need to know where exactly these creatures are, and if there are any recent, unhatched eggs." ... ( I suggest,
"We need to know exactly where these creatures are, and if there are any recent, unhatched eggs." )
"As long as man plays with fire, he is certain to get burnt." ...( I suggest,
As long as man plays with fire, he is certain to get burned.)
"We stand on the jagged edge of a frightening future." ... (You used "jagged edge" in your very first paragraph. Bad spot to use it again, in these final lines. I suggest,
We stand on the fringe of a frightening future.)
Good Luck in the contest!
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 01-Mar-2024
Comment from Baltimore Born
This story starts off strong. The new lake formed from Hurricane Michael was very dramatic. The story was full of continuous drama. These creatures, the "cannibal snails" are horrific. The story progresses to the death of the main characters with a message to humanity at the end. Overall, a captivating well-written story.
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This story starts off strong. The new lake formed from Hurricane Michael was very dramatic. The story was full of continuous drama. These creatures, the "cannibal snails" are horrific. The story progresses to the death of the main characters with a message to humanity at the end. Overall, a captivating well-written story.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2024
Comment from Teri7
Jim, This is a very well written fiction story you have penned. I really don't like any kind of monster - fake or real. Great dialogue also. Blessings, Teri
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Jim, This is a very well written fiction story you have penned. I really don't like any kind of monster - fake or real. Great dialogue also. Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 01-Mar-2024
Comment from Neil Samways
An interesting story about man's appetite for messing with stuff that should be left alone. A good read and an interesting concept, I'm always intrigued about what unknown creatures lie beneath the surface of the world.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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An interesting story about man's appetite for messing with stuff that should be left alone. A good read and an interesting concept, I'm always intrigued about what unknown creatures lie beneath the surface of the world.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2024
Comment from derek campbell
Wow such an amazing writer you are I love everything about it your really good I Can't wait to see more of your amazing skills but next time try and express your feeling a bit more deeper on certain areas but other then that really good stuff can't wait to read more of your magic keep it up
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Wow such an amazing writer you are I love everything about it your really good I Can't wait to see more of your amazing skills but next time try and express your feeling a bit more deeper on certain areas but other then that really good stuff can't wait to read more of your magic keep it up
Comment Written 01-Mar-2024
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a fun story with a dire warning that takes the fun out of it. Messing with Mother Nature has never been 100 percent successful, and radioactivity is the match set to the dry wood.
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This is a fun story with a dire warning that takes the fun out of it. Messing with Mother Nature has never been 100 percent successful, and radioactivity is the match set to the dry wood.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2024
Comment from Barry Penfold
Well I will not go near the water for awhile. I trust that there will be someone left to destroy these evil creatures. Yes, this has me on the edge of my seat so I will be looking for more. Take care and have a wonderful day.Thanks for the videos as well.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
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Well I will not go near the water for awhile. I trust that there will be someone left to destroy these evil creatures. Yes, this has me on the edge of my seat so I will be looking for more. Take care and have a wonderful day.Thanks for the videos as well.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment Written 29-Feb-2024
Comment from Mintybee
This had an old horror feel to it, like The Day the Earth Stood Still - part horror, part commentary. There were creepy moments along the way, and it ends on a sobering hook. The only people who knew about the monsters are dead. This means the horror will continue. I think that the unfinished ending added to the mood nicely.
Mintybee
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This had an old horror feel to it, like The Day the Earth Stood Still - part horror, part commentary. There were creepy moments along the way, and it ends on a sobering hook. The only people who knew about the monsters are dead. This means the horror will continue. I think that the unfinished ending added to the mood nicely.
Mintybee
Comment Written 29-Feb-2024
