Comment from patcelaw

Excellent

This is a well written work for the contest, and I wish you the very best in the contest. May you have a wonderful day and a wonderful week. Patricia .

 Comment Written 26-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 26-Feb-2024

Thanks for your read and your feedback. Appreciated.

Comment from Michael Ludwinder

Excellent

This is well written. I like how you show how Abigail becomes a bridge between the living and the departed. Your writing is strong and you show us how she can help those in need. This is very interesting. I don't know if it is true but you do a wonderful job of sharing the story.

 Comment Written 25-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 25-Feb-2024

Only the part about Abigail Williams and Salem 1692 is true, the rest is fantasy. Thanks for the read and the feedback. Appreciated.

Comment from cupa tea

Excellent

I really enjoyed that tale. It flowed along nicely. Was easy to follow and I enjoyed the telling of the story if it was in fact a true story. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 24-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 25-Feb-2024

Thank you for taking the time to read and provide feedback.

Comment from Elise H

Good

Thanks for sharing this story. I like the historical tie in and the clear voice in your writing.

One minor mistake I saw was in this paragraph:

The woman replied, "I'm Amelia," and I am tethered here, unable to move on."

You just have an extra set of quotation marks.

Thanks again for sharing!

 Comment Written 24-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2024

I will edit. Thanks. What do you think needed to be added to earn five stars?

reply by Elise H on 24-Feb-2024

For me, the biggest part of this story that holds it back is how distant we feel from the action of the story, especially towards the end. I feel like the climax of the story, where Lily is found, is told almost through summary. I think that part of that is a lack of stakes here. I don't get a sense that the protagonist could ever fail, which lessens the excitement that I feel when she succeeds.

reply by the author on 25-Feb-2024

Thanks so much for the response. I will work on making some changes.

Comment from Julie Helms

Excellent

This is a perfect entry for the contest. Your heroine is a compassionate character trying to help others.

"She believed that both her and Abigail Williams possessed the same gift as her." (Is this correct? Who is the second her?)

After Lily war able to remember (was)

Best of luck!
Julie

 Comment Written 24-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2024

Thanks for the help. Did some editing.