The Gate
Young man finds the truth.20 total reviews
Comment from Madeleine Mardis
Gunner Lil, you got skills!!! Very beautiful, sublime, elevated! Holy Schnikes, haha, so descriptive, and the music playing, of course, other-wordly, heavenly! Maddy
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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Gunner Lil, you got skills!!! Very beautiful, sublime, elevated! Holy Schnikes, haha, so descriptive, and the music playing, of course, other-wordly, heavenly! Maddy
Comment Written 03-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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Thank you for the exceptional rating!!
Comment from jessizero
This was a lovely piece. You managed to use many descriptions in very few words, which is impressive. I liked the ending, as well. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2024
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This was a lovely piece. You managed to use many descriptions in very few words, which is impressive. I liked the ending, as well. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2024
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Thank you for taking the time to read it!!
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Must have been one gigantic and powerful blast to "picked me up and threw me across a dirt road." Possibly a bomb in a combat scenario.
Do you realize you used the conjunction "and" three times in the sentence "I blinked..."?
This lengthy sentence would read better if you considered making it two sentences instead by ending the first one with "my back."
Then, making the second sentence "{I} checked my body parts and found them to be intact."
Seems the jest of this posting is a tribute to the Marines as indicated by "Marines do guard Heaven's pearly gates."
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2024
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Must have been one gigantic and powerful blast to "picked me up and threw me across a dirt road." Possibly a bomb in a combat scenario.
Do you realize you used the conjunction "and" three times in the sentence "I blinked..."?
This lengthy sentence would read better if you considered making it two sentences instead by ending the first one with "my back."
Then, making the second sentence "{I} checked my body parts and found them to be intact."
Seems the jest of this posting is a tribute to the Marines as indicated by "Marines do guard Heaven's pearly gates."
Comment Written 28-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2024
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Thank you for the critique. No, I did not realize I used "and" three times in one of the sentences. Yes, bombs, line mines and weapons of mass destruction can lift men off the ground and propel them far.
Have witnessed it a number of times.
USMC 1961 to 1994 Semper Fi.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
If anyone knows who makes the best guards, God would know it would be the Marines. I, myself, was a squid on the Presidential Command ship in '67, and I really could see myself in their spit-shined shoes. I also played golf with Jarhead aviators for twenty years and grew even fonder of the risk they took. Semper Fidelis!
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2024
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If anyone knows who makes the best guards, God would know it would be the Marines. I, myself, was a squid on the Presidential Command ship in '67, and I really could see myself in their spit-shined shoes. I also played golf with Jarhead aviators for twenty years and grew even fonder of the risk they took. Semper Fidelis!
Comment Written 26-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2024
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Thank you!!
Comment from Elise H
The ending of this story was great. You did a lot to establish your character and setting in a short amount of time, and there was no point where I felt lost or confused. The only feedback I have it that I don't think you need both deep and authoritative to describe the voice. I think authoritative is implied alright with how he reacts to the voice. Thanks again for sharing!
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2024
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The ending of this story was great. You did a lot to establish your character and setting in a short amount of time, and there was no point where I felt lost or confused. The only feedback I have it that I don't think you need both deep and authoritative to describe the voice. I think authoritative is implied alright with how he reacts to the voice. Thanks again for sharing!
Comment Written 24-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2024
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Thank you for the suggestion!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this wonderful short story with us. I am positive the Marines do guard heaven's doors. My only suggestion for this post is you have a few spacing issues where a line needs to be moved up closer to the previous line.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2024
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Thank you for sharing this wonderful short story with us. I am positive the Marines do guard heaven's doors. My only suggestion for this post is you have a few spacing issues where a line needs to be moved up closer to the previous line.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2024
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Thank you!
Comment from tfawcus
It sounds as though I should change my end of life requests to say, dust down my old uniform and make sure I'm wearing it when the Last Post is sounded - and don't forget the blanco, brasso, and boot polish. I need to look my best when I enter the heavenly barracks. Jeez! I hope my old sergeant doesn't make it. No, he'll be making that other place a living hell.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2024
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It sounds as though I should change my end of life requests to say, dust down my old uniform and make sure I'm wearing it when the Last Post is sounded - and don't forget the blanco, brasso, and boot polish. I need to look my best when I enter the heavenly barracks. Jeez! I hope my old sergeant doesn't make it. No, he'll be making that other place a living hell.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2024
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Thank you!
Comment from Mia Twysted
I love how you brought a sense of honor to those who guard the gates of heaven. Those in the service would love this. Your descriptions build a firm picture int he head of the reader.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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I love how you brought a sense of honor to those who guard the gates of heaven. Those in the service would love this. Your descriptions build a firm picture int he head of the reader.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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Thank you!
Comment from LateBloomer
Hi Gunner, this story is sweet. Marines not only guard the Pearly Gate, they guard all in their journey to the Pearly Gates. Unfortunately, like war, some don't make it. Well written, and I liked the twist at the end of the story. This story made me smile. Margaret ~ LateBloomer
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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Hi Gunner, this story is sweet. Marines not only guard the Pearly Gate, they guard all in their journey to the Pearly Gates. Unfortunately, like war, some don't make it. Well written, and I liked the twist at the end of the story. This story made me smile. Margaret ~ LateBloomer
Comment Written 20-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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Thank you!
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Were it so. Were it only so.
Well done. Nicely written.
From the halls of Montezuma, to the shores of Tripoli.
Would that politicians and jealous Joint Chiefs of Staff allowed Marines to be Marines.
Semper Fi
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2024
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Were it so. Were it only so.
Well done. Nicely written.
From the halls of Montezuma, to the shores of Tripoli.
Would that politicians and jealous Joint Chiefs of Staff allowed Marines to be Marines.
Semper Fi
Comment Written 19-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2024
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Thank you!
