Attention Shoppers
Guy goes to Walmart for some ink.32 total reviews
Comment from Ginda Simpson
I remember those announcements and the blue light specials. I still miss Kmart. You have written an engaging story and it was fun to read. I like the last line that brings us to "what's for supper?"
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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I remember those announcements and the blue light specials. I still miss Kmart. You have written an engaging story and it was fun to read. I like the last line that brings us to "what's for supper?"
Comment Written 23-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Thank you!
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Now you're making me miss Kmart and they're copying the blue light special deal. Oh, it's the K-Mart manager...fun. We heard that kmart was buying. Sears and then we heard Sears was buying Kmart and now I went online just to check it out what did I learn well let's see. Sears CEO. buys Sears & K-Mart. Whoa, wouldn't it be beautiful if Kmart came back Grand Union has come back after since around 1964. I hadn't gone into the convent yet and my mother used to have us running to Grand Union a couple of times a day. I actually still have the old Grand Union card. I wonder what they would say if I brought it to use. They might want me to get evaluated. lol
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Now you're making me miss Kmart and they're copying the blue light special deal. Oh, it's the K-Mart manager...fun. We heard that kmart was buying. Sears and then we heard Sears was buying Kmart and now I went online just to check it out what did I learn well let's see. Sears CEO. buys Sears & K-Mart. Whoa, wouldn't it be beautiful if Kmart came back Grand Union has come back after since around 1964. I hadn't gone into the convent yet and my mother used to have us running to Grand Union a couple of times a day. I actually still have the old Grand Union card. I wonder what they would say if I brought it to use. They might want me to get evaluated. lol
Comment Written 23-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Thank!!
Comment from Elise H
Hello! Thanks for sharing your story here. I think my line was the "disorganized fire drill," because I can picture that exactly.
One piece of constructive feedback I have is to trust the reader just a little bit more. What I mean is, this piece repeats some of the information a few times when I think it doesn't need to. For example, in that same line I mentioned before you state that they looked confused: "they looked confused and it looked like a disorganized fire drill." I feel like the strongest way to show this confusion is just to jump in with the simile rather than explicitly state that they are confused. It certainly is the more striking image.
I hope that feedback is useful to you, and thank you again for sharing this.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Hello! Thanks for sharing your story here. I think my line was the "disorganized fire drill," because I can picture that exactly.
One piece of constructive feedback I have is to trust the reader just a little bit more. What I mean is, this piece repeats some of the information a few times when I think it doesn't need to. For example, in that same line I mentioned before you state that they looked confused: "they looked confused and it looked like a disorganized fire drill." I feel like the strongest way to show this confusion is just to jump in with the simile rather than explicitly state that they are confused. It certainly is the more striking image.
I hope that feedback is useful to you, and thank you again for sharing this.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Thank you!
Comment from Teri7
This is a very cute and interesting story you have penned for this contest. You used very good descriptive words and very good dialogue. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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This is a very cute and interesting story you have penned for this contest. You used very good descriptive words and very good dialogue. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
Comment Written 22-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Thank you!
Comment from jmdg1954
Excellent entry to the Walmart shoppers contest.
I was writing one myself but never concluded it.
This was fun to read. Typical women's reaction!
Best of luck in the contest.
John
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Excellent entry to the Walmart shoppers contest.
I was writing one myself but never concluded it.
This was fun to read. Typical women's reaction!
Best of luck in the contest.
John
Comment Written 22-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Thank you!
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This is an interesting contest entry. I thought you did a good job with the idea of a mysterious voice and the blue light special. It sounds like someone was still stuck in a pattern of an old job. I have only one suggestion, and that is to add a little line at the end about the peas and green beans. Maybe you could say. "They were on sale at Wal-Mart."
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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This is an interesting contest entry. I thought you did a good job with the idea of a mysterious voice and the blue light special. It sounds like someone was still stuck in a pattern of an old job. I have only one suggestion, and that is to add a little line at the end about the peas and green beans. Maybe you could say. "They were on sale at Wal-Mart."
Comment Written 22-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2024
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Thank you!
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
I did not realize that K-Mart went out of business because of??. Is this fact true? I remember those blue lights special in stores years ago. We waited for the blue light to go on so we could purchase an item. But no one was playing a joke then.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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I did not realize that K-Mart went out of business because of??. Is this fact true? I remember those blue lights special in stores years ago. We waited for the blue light to go on so we could purchase an item. But no one was playing a joke then.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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Thank you. K-Mart may have a few stores outside of the USA.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Now this really is amusing. I was expecting to read about the reflection of a police car because of the blue lights, but this is much better in my opinion. kay
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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Now this really is amusing. I was expecting to read about the reflection of a police car because of the blue lights, but this is much better in my opinion. kay
Comment Written 22-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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Thank you for taking the time to read and enjoy!
Comment from lancellot
This story is structurally and technically sound. You've done a good job with the editing too. Now, what you have complies with what the contest is looking for. I'm not sure how strong the concept is, but I wish you luck.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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This story is structurally and technically sound. You've done a good job with the editing too. Now, what you have complies with what the contest is looking for. I'm not sure how strong the concept is, but I wish you luck.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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Thank you!
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I thought it was an enjoyable story. You did a great job of stringing out the story until the very end. I had a smile on my face as I read it. Excellent use of dialogue to drive the story. Well written.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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I thought it was an enjoyable story. You did a great job of stringing out the story until the very end. I had a smile on my face as I read it. Excellent use of dialogue to drive the story. Well written.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2024
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Thank you! Vote if you like!
