2024 Japanese Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Why Am I Unlovable?"x
7 total reviews
Comment from Jumbo J
Oh no MariVal,
third time's a charm!
So here I am once again with yet... will be its very own version of #one's and#two's review. I'm sure I can nail this one:))
The highlight to the first verse is the painful passion melded with an insatiable itch that seems to hang in the air within the echo of loss for yourself and your love.
A smooth transition to the second verse allows the senses to actuate feelings of such disregard and the richness within your beautiful word choice of 'ambivalence' really drives home the intent behind the emptiness of being frozen out of the respect for any consideration... that hurts so deep!
Your third and final verse takes me behind the veil of consciousness still suffering the fluctuations of uncertainty with yet another beautiful word choice in 'vacillate'... left in suspended animation still questioning... why am I not worthy of love.
Such a beautiful, sad and passionate write MariVal... as I say. If a writer's goal is to be great at their craft, one must bleed onto the page with their heart and words... you dear Marival, may be in need of a blood transfusion:))
With our thoughts we create...
the resistance of our futility.
"Love never dies naturally. It dies in an attempt at replenishing at its source. It dies of blindness, disrespect, errors and betrayals.
It dies in affliction and abrasive lesions.
It dies of exhaustion, of contempt, of loss of luster.- Author JJ.
Warmest regards,
James.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2024
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Oh no MariVal,
third time's a charm!
So here I am once again with yet... will be its very own version of #one's and#two's review. I'm sure I can nail this one:))
The highlight to the first verse is the painful passion melded with an insatiable itch that seems to hang in the air within the echo of loss for yourself and your love.
A smooth transition to the second verse allows the senses to actuate feelings of such disregard and the richness within your beautiful word choice of 'ambivalence' really drives home the intent behind the emptiness of being frozen out of the respect for any consideration... that hurts so deep!
Your third and final verse takes me behind the veil of consciousness still suffering the fluctuations of uncertainty with yet another beautiful word choice in 'vacillate'... left in suspended animation still questioning... why am I not worthy of love.
Such a beautiful, sad and passionate write MariVal... as I say. If a writer's goal is to be great at their craft, one must bleed onto the page with their heart and words... you dear Marival, may be in need of a blood transfusion:))
With our thoughts we create...
the resistance of our futility.
"Love never dies naturally. It dies in an attempt at replenishing at its source. It dies of blindness, disrespect, errors and betrayals.
It dies in affliction and abrasive lesions.
It dies of exhaustion, of contempt, of loss of luster.- Author JJ.
Warmest regards,
James.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2024
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Thank you very much for tackling the 3 times review. I have had my problems with the site too. I understand how frustrating that is.
Also, thank you for being so understanding and intuitive with the origin of my poem.
I have a recurring nightmare where someone I love is aloof and ambivalent about loving me. The man in the dream changes but I always have the same feeling that he can't stay with me, like a forbidden love.... like I am not deserving of love. I guess, until I change that belief, I won't feel love worthy.
Yes, I do pour my blood and soul on the page. I'm glad it comes through.
I hope you are well, James.
Con cariņo,
Marival
"We have a lamp of mindfulness, which we can light anytime. The oil of that lamp is our breathing, our steps, and our peaceful smile." -Thich Nhat Hanh
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this wonderfully emotional poem with us. I found the use of the word ambivalence very interesting. It causes one to pause and think. Perfect word here. Wonderful presentation.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
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Thank you for sharing this wonderfully emotional poem with us. I found the use of the word ambivalence very interesting. It causes one to pause and think. Perfect word here. Wonderful presentation.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
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Thank you very much for your excellent review and kind words.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Gorgeous images that make the poetic words seem wonderful, and meaningful.
I like the great images in every poem you write. Where do you find these images, are they for anyone to use?
A well-written poem.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
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Gorgeous images that make the poetic words seem wonderful, and meaningful.
I like the great images in every poem you write. Where do you find these images, are they for anyone to use?
A well-written poem.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
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Most of my images are from pinterest. It all depends on how you search. Once in a while I use Google search.
Thank you very much for your excellent review and kind words.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from royowen
I've actually had friends like this, they are very flaky, can't seem to make up their mind, and even if they, you'll find that they'll change their mind even when they do, this is beautifully written, well done,blessings Roy
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
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I've actually had friends like this, they are very flaky, can't seem to make up their mind, and even if they, you'll find that they'll change their mind even when they do, this is beautifully written, well done,blessings Roy
Comment Written 06-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
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Thank you very much for your excellent review and kind words.
Gypsy hugs
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Well done
Comment from lyenochka
I like how you say that the narrator finds the one whom she loves vacillates in his devotion to her even in her dreams. So subconsciously she knows he's not the one but still she loves him despite his cold ambivalence. I like that you chose "ambivalence" because that's worse than hate which has more passion.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
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I like how you say that the narrator finds the one whom she loves vacillates in his devotion to her even in her dreams. So subconsciously she knows he's not the one but still she loves him despite his cold ambivalence. I like that you chose "ambivalence" because that's worse than hate which has more passion.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2024
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Yes, you are right. Ambivalence is worse than hate because I don't know where we stand what is real or not. It's confusing. True love is not like that.
Thank you for understanding, big sister. I appreciate your insightful and kind review.
Love
Marival
Comment from shelley kaye
aw this was so sad...
and i feel her pain...
great imagery
and smooth flow of words...
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
......................................
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2024
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aw this was so sad...
and i feel her pain...
great imagery
and smooth flow of words...
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
......................................
Comment Written 05-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2024
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Thank you, Shelley
gypsy hugs
Comment from patcelaw
It is a terrible thing in life when we feel that we are unlovable. But I am sure there are many of us who have gone through that very thing. I enjoyed your poetry very much and it flows well when read aloud. patricia.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2024
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It is a terrible thing in life when we feel that we are unlovable. But I am sure there are many of us who have gone through that very thing. I enjoyed your poetry very much and it flows well when read aloud. patricia.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2024
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Thank you, Patricia
gypsy hugs