The Pond
Let's go ice skating.31 total reviews
Comment from jmdg1954
I'm not sure how to review this haiku. The water top layer is cold because it froze.
I liked the transition or the mirroring of the first two lines... the subtleness of finding the skates in the attic to enjoy on the frozen pond.
Thanks for sharing.
John
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
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I'm not sure how to review this haiku. The water top layer is cold because it froze.
I liked the transition or the mirroring of the first two lines... the subtleness of finding the skates in the attic to enjoy on the frozen pond.
Thanks for sharing.
John
Comment Written 29-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
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Thank you!
Comment from ImaginosBuzzardoDesdinova
I hope the ice is nice and thick. Isn't there an old saying like "Ice is grey, do not stay"? In any case, this poem was simple and fun. Like childhood back in the day. Keep up the good work
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
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I hope the ice is nice and thick. Isn't there an old saying like "Ice is grey, do not stay"? In any case, this poem was simple and fun. Like childhood back in the day. Keep up the good work
Comment Written 29-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
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Thank you!
Comment from Jeano
We had a pond so I could really relate to this. Many times it froze over enough to skate but there were no skates in our attic. Haikus are tricky, but you seem to have gotten the point across very well with only three lines. Don't try to skate on the pond in the photo, though! LOL
Write on!
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
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We had a pond so I could really relate to this. Many times it froze over enough to skate but there were no skates in our attic. Haikus are tricky, but you seem to have gotten the point across very well with only three lines. Don't try to skate on the pond in the photo, though! LOL
Write on!
Comment Written 28-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
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Thank you! I spent many winter days on 'The Swamp'.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
A lovely story told through your atmospheric haiku! The visual is beautiful and you skilfully reflect both the cold and the excitement of the planned activity of skating on the ice. In short, I enjoyed the layered nature of your excellent verse. Good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
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A lovely story told through your atmospheric haiku! The visual is beautiful and you skilfully reflect both the cold and the excitement of the planned activity of skating on the ice. In short, I enjoyed the layered nature of your excellent verse. Good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 27-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
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Thank you!!
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Very nicely done. The picture tells of the almost-ready freeze. You show how want can sometimes betray you. Safety should be the watchword, not " last to the ice is a drowned rat!" Good clear message, Well done.
Karen
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
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Very nicely done. The picture tells of the almost-ready freeze. You show how want can sometimes betray you. Safety should be the watchword, not " last to the ice is a drowned rat!" Good clear message, Well done.
Karen
Comment Written 27-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
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Thank you!!
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U R Welcome. Karen
Comment from Allieas
Oh wow, you conveyed a lot in this short poem. I don't know if my brain is predisposed to go to a dark place, but I hope that the person made it out of the water!
Good luck on the contest!
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
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Oh wow, you conveyed a lot in this short poem. I don't know if my brain is predisposed to go to a dark place, but I hope that the person made it out of the water!
Good luck on the contest!
Comment Written 27-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
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Thank you! (I did)
Comment from John Ciarmello
Hello, GL!
The message from this is eerie and not particularly in a wrong way.
You either fell in at some point, perhaps as a child, or this is fictional, and the idea struck you.
This piece made me feel something as a reader. One couldn't ask for more.
Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
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Hello, GL!
The message from this is eerie and not particularly in a wrong way.
You either fell in at some point, perhaps as a child, or this is fictional, and the idea struck you.
This piece made me feel something as a reader. One couldn't ask for more.
Best, JohnC
Comment Written 27-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
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Thank you! And yes, I did a number of times.
Comment from Dawn Munro
I'm not sure what is being taught about classic Japanese poetry in this modern era, but this is what I learned from several masters here, on FanStory:
Haiku Defined--
Two grammatically connected, concrete images, based upon nature, with either an implied or stated seasonal reference. (For example, we know tulips bloom in spring, so there would be no need to actually name the season, which is called the kigo, when tulips are one of the images.) The pivot line (also known as the kire) connects the two images. The final line (known as the satori) is somewhat of a summary of what has gone before -- it is an "a-HA!" moment. The poem should be immediate (present tense) and not rhyme, nor use personification. It should be no more than 17 syllables, and follow a short-long-short line format; 5-7-5 is the most common, but not a necessity.
Good luck.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
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I'm not sure what is being taught about classic Japanese poetry in this modern era, but this is what I learned from several masters here, on FanStory:
Haiku Defined--
Two grammatically connected, concrete images, based upon nature, with either an implied or stated seasonal reference. (For example, we know tulips bloom in spring, so there would be no need to actually name the season, which is called the kigo, when tulips are one of the images.) The pivot line (also known as the kire) connects the two images. The final line (known as the satori) is somewhat of a summary of what has gone before -- it is an "a-HA!" moment. The poem should be immediate (present tense) and not rhyme, nor use personification. It should be no more than 17 syllables, and follow a short-long-short line format; 5-7-5 is the most common, but not a necessity.
Good luck.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
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Thank you!!
Comment from Ginda Simpson
The photo you chose is perfect for your Haiku. I love the words you left out of this little scene. The giveaway that the water was cold is very clever.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
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The photo you chose is perfect for your Haiku. I love the words you left out of this little scene. The giveaway that the water was cold is very clever.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
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Thank you!!
Comment from tempeste
Ciao !
Your poem reminded me of my mother who was born in the Hague Holland.
Bikes and skates are part of most Dutch. She would tell me the canals would freeze in Winter and folks would skating on the frozen water.
I tried once and my legs were bow shapes the whole time. (sigh)
The artwork is beautiful.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2024
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Ciao !
Your poem reminded me of my mother who was born in the Hague Holland.
Bikes and skates are part of most Dutch. She would tell me the canals would freeze in Winter and folks would skating on the frozen water.
I tried once and my legs were bow shapes the whole time. (sigh)
The artwork is beautiful.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2024
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Thank you!
