They Weren't Human
A family fears for their lives, in the darkness of the fores2 total reviews
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi there,
Thank you for sharing your entry in this contest. I'm always amazed at folks' stories when given the first few words. Your passage perfectly described how things that go 'bump' in the night can scare the bejesus out of someone.
Good Luck in the contest,
~MP~
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Hi there,
Thank you for sharing your entry in this contest. I'm always amazed at folks' stories when given the first few words. Your passage perfectly described how things that go 'bump' in the night can scare the bejesus out of someone.
Good Luck in the contest,
~MP~
Comment Written 20-Jan-2024
Comment from lancellot
Well, in reading this, the reader can tell that the author is trying to build a sense of suspense. The author has set certain classic conditions, with location, and time of day. You did a great job with editing, and writing structure.
But, to really build tension other elements are needed. The audience doesn't have a connection with home occupants or know who or anything about them. We don't know why they would be afraid of a knock on the door. A place where one would expect knocking. Or why turn out lamps, after the knock. That would only reenforce that there are occupants inside who heard the knocking.
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Well, in reading this, the reader can tell that the author is trying to build a sense of suspense. The author has set certain classic conditions, with location, and time of day. You did a great job with editing, and writing structure.
But, to really build tension other elements are needed. The audience doesn't have a connection with home occupants or know who or anything about them. We don't know why they would be afraid of a knock on the door. A place where one would expect knocking. Or why turn out lamps, after the knock. That would only reenforce that there are occupants inside who heard the knocking.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2024
