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redacted2 total reviews
Comment from JSD
Maybe needs a bit of trimming? This is very long and the mind wanders a bit. You make important points about relationships and clearly you have a special one; I certainly get that from your words.
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Maybe needs a bit of trimming? This is very long and the mind wanders a bit. You make important points about relationships and clearly you have a special one; I certainly get that from your words.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2023
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
You were definitely smitten with Sara weren't you? There's no disguising that from your detailed account here. You seem to have been determined to do things properly this time and you knew you had to grow within yourself and develop self belief and confidence. I don't know if there was a word count with this brief but, in my opinion, your entry could have been slightly shorter so that your pertinent details carry greater impact rather than get lost at times amid all the background. There are also a few grammatical mistakes so a further read through on your part might help. For example: second para - 'She and I' rather than 'Her and I.' In your last paragraph, you outline all that you like best in a woman which is pretty much the perfect woman in every way. But why not aim for perfection? This is a well considered and entertaining entry and I wish you luck in the contest! Debbie
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You were definitely smitten with Sara weren't you? There's no disguising that from your detailed account here. You seem to have been determined to do things properly this time and you knew you had to grow within yourself and develop self belief and confidence. I don't know if there was a word count with this brief but, in my opinion, your entry could have been slightly shorter so that your pertinent details carry greater impact rather than get lost at times amid all the background. There are also a few grammatical mistakes so a further read through on your part might help. For example: second para - 'She and I' rather than 'Her and I.' In your last paragraph, you outline all that you like best in a woman which is pretty much the perfect woman in every way. But why not aim for perfection? This is a well considered and entertaining entry and I wish you luck in the contest! Debbie
Comment Written 11-Sep-2023
