The Chaos Within
Viewing comments for Prologue "Introduction"Follow the main character in her journey.
3 total reviews
Comment from kahpot
very well done, you have described the character and her why's wonderfully, and intrigued the reader into wanting more, very well written, I am waiting for the next installment****kahpot
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2023
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very well done, you have described the character and her why's wonderfully, and intrigued the reader into wanting more, very well written, I am waiting for the next installment****kahpot
Comment Written 30-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 31-Jul-2023
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Thank you!!
Comment from lancellot
The writing itself is good, but for a prologue there isn't much given to HOOK the reader. No excitement, deep mystery, stirring action. We don't even know much about this person, not age, appearance, time, location, or name. The reader will need more to be invested in her besides a vague addiction to chaos, that we don't see.
Now when I looked into the mirror all I {was} met with {was} a dull copy of the girl I once was.
- change to (because of the now):
Now when I look into a mirror all I am met with is a dull copy of the girl I once was.
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2023
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The writing itself is good, but for a prologue there isn't much given to HOOK the reader. No excitement, deep mystery, stirring action. We don't even know much about this person, not age, appearance, time, location, or name. The reader will need more to be invested in her besides a vague addiction to chaos, that we don't see.
Now when I looked into the mirror all I {was} met with {was} a dull copy of the girl I once was.
- change to (because of the now):
Now when I look into a mirror all I am met with is a dull copy of the girl I once was.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2023
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Thanks for the feedback.
Comment from royowen
Oh yes, I can understand substance abuse, I can also sympathise with the need to get the dog that is life's circumstance to get off one's back, when one feels inadequate because one sees oneself as being unfit, but the truth is we all need acceptance and forgiveness, beautifully written, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2023
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Oh yes, I can understand substance abuse, I can also sympathise with the need to get the dog that is life's circumstance to get off one's back, when one feels inadequate because one sees oneself as being unfit, but the truth is we all need acceptance and forgiveness, beautifully written, blessings Roy
Comment Written 30-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2023
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Thank you for you're lovely review 🥰🥰🥰
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Most welcome
