Cheezel the Weasel
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Cheezelardo da Vinci"The adventures of a rascally former pirate
19 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi Steve,
This is a fun poem full of end rhyme, internal rhyme and alliteration. It uses painting terms and famous painters to tell the story of a painter who just paints for himself.
The only artists I haven't heard of are Kahlo and Banksy. It was like a visit to an art museum
Congrats on placing second in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Have a great day.
Joan
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2023
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Hi Steve,
This is a fun poem full of end rhyme, internal rhyme and alliteration. It uses painting terms and famous painters to tell the story of a painter who just paints for himself.
The only artists I haven't heard of are Kahlo and Banksy. It was like a visit to an art museum
Congrats on placing second in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Have a great day.
Joan
Comment Written 13-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2023
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Thanks, Joan.
FYI Banksy is a very famous street artist from England. His flashy and sometimes political artwork pops up on walls and buildings around England (and occasionally overseas) and no one know his true identity which adds to the mystique. Famously, one of his paintings went up for auction and was sold for a huge amount, but as the deal was closed the painting self-destructed!
Frida Kahlo was a Mexican painter known for her many portraits, self-portraits, and works inspired by the nature and artifacts of Mexico. She was almost as famous for her monobrow (dark eyebrows that met in the middle) as she was for her painting and lifestyle.
You have a great day too!
Steve
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You're welcome, Steve.
Thanks for the background of the artists. How did the painting know to self-destruct and the buyer must have been angry to get nothing for his money.
Joan
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Long story about the self-destructing painting and I didn't know most of the details myself until you made me go and look it up! Here's a link to an article that will help. And yes, not only was the buyer not angry, they later made a huge profit!
https://magazine.artland.com/banksy-shredded-painting/#:~:text=In%202018%2C%20a%202006%20framed,the%20bottom%20of%20the%20frame.
Sorry that's a long URL but if you copy it carefully and paste it into your address bar, it should take you to the article from Artland Magazine.
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Thanks, Steve. I will check it out later.
Joan
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This was a delightful read. I will have to look for other Cheezel stories. This was the kind of poem that should appeal to children and teens and grown-ups in a broad way. I had to look up what a skerrick was. Very fun poem.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2023
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This was a delightful read. I will have to look for other Cheezel stories. This was the kind of poem that should appeal to children and teens and grown-ups in a broad way. I had to look up what a skerrick was. Very fun poem.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2023
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Thanks, Crystie. Glad you enjoyed.
T find the other Cheezel poems, just go back to this one and use the blue navigation arrows to back up through the chapters.
Steve
Comment from Paul Manton
Well, finally I got here, Steve. I just wrote a thousand words to someone I know well, who asked for specific information - I promise I won't bore you for that long!
And yes, I said I would read the former exploits of your modern hero - so I did, and spent a merry half hour admiring your very fine skills as a rhymer.
I think though, although Cheeselardo was my first experience, it is the poem I most admire, not only because I majored (if I may come out of my own vernacular) in Art Education and subsequently worked with primary and autistic children, not only for Art, but also English and Math/s.
So I do know all the names which Cheezel reels off - and yes, I do forgive you (wincingly) for Edvard Munch!
What can I say to such FS Royalty? Well clearly (mostly) iambic tetrameter - but with some superb changes of rhythm - and a few 'cheats' eg v.3 line 4 needs to lose a syllable at that speed. When gouaches is 3 syllables, [when it comes] has to be a musical triplet and that sounds rushed!
v.9 needs special attention at 'smears/pinks on his beret . . ' since you have to give 'smears' two syllables room to land on 'pinks' at the right time.
But these seem carping criticism when I can find ten times more to praise than a run of the mill FS poem: You do internal rhyme (sometimes triples - which I love to stick in limericks) better than anyone on this site - and your use of assonance, consonance and alliteration is so smooth, that I can read your poem at breakneck speed without serious damage to my limbs. Your use of enjambment is perfect - and the cadences - its all there, Steve - as in any good professional writer's arsenal.
And what a rich choice of vocabulary! I know that it takes one divergent writer to recognize another, but I was open-mouthed at times, assessing the choice of words - off the scale of FanStory.
I am so glad you brought Cheezel back to us EXCEPT
I am a great lover of rabbits - not in a pie! So on seeing Cheezel's particular penchant, I had to lie down in a darkened room for some time.
Alas, Cheezel, I love you on the page, but come near my yellow rabbit, Bunanas, and I will definitely set Charlie, my equally gifted feline (holder of so many accolades you couldn't credit it!) to chase you away!
Happy with the ending? It goes out a bit like a candle - and although that works, Cheezel seems to me, the sort of weasel who might prefer to go out with a bang.
Well, of course its a six.
Paul
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2023
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Well, finally I got here, Steve. I just wrote a thousand words to someone I know well, who asked for specific information - I promise I won't bore you for that long!
And yes, I said I would read the former exploits of your modern hero - so I did, and spent a merry half hour admiring your very fine skills as a rhymer.
I think though, although Cheeselardo was my first experience, it is the poem I most admire, not only because I majored (if I may come out of my own vernacular) in Art Education and subsequently worked with primary and autistic children, not only for Art, but also English and Math/s.
So I do know all the names which Cheezel reels off - and yes, I do forgive you (wincingly) for Edvard Munch!
What can I say to such FS Royalty? Well clearly (mostly) iambic tetrameter - but with some superb changes of rhythm - and a few 'cheats' eg v.3 line 4 needs to lose a syllable at that speed. When gouaches is 3 syllables, [when it comes] has to be a musical triplet and that sounds rushed!
v.9 needs special attention at 'smears/pinks on his beret . . ' since you have to give 'smears' two syllables room to land on 'pinks' at the right time.
But these seem carping criticism when I can find ten times more to praise than a run of the mill FS poem: You do internal rhyme (sometimes triples - which I love to stick in limericks) better than anyone on this site - and your use of assonance, consonance and alliteration is so smooth, that I can read your poem at breakneck speed without serious damage to my limbs. Your use of enjambment is perfect - and the cadences - its all there, Steve - as in any good professional writer's arsenal.
And what a rich choice of vocabulary! I know that it takes one divergent writer to recognize another, but I was open-mouthed at times, assessing the choice of words - off the scale of FanStory.
I am so glad you brought Cheezel back to us EXCEPT
I am a great lover of rabbits - not in a pie! So on seeing Cheezel's particular penchant, I had to lie down in a darkened room for some time.
Alas, Cheezel, I love you on the page, but come near my yellow rabbit, Bunanas, and I will definitely set Charlie, my equally gifted feline (holder of so many accolades you couldn't credit it!) to chase you away!
Happy with the ending? It goes out a bit like a candle - and although that works, Cheezel seems to me, the sort of weasel who might prefer to go out with a bang.
Well, of course its a six.
Paul
Comment Written 10-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2023
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Paul, many thanks for that wonderful review. Six stars for that would be appropriate too, but you will have to be content with a thumb!
Like you I am a teacher, mainly English, but I've taught a bit of everything along the way - except Art!- New Zealand, Singapore, Australia and back to New Zealand. I still do a bit of relieving.
Thanks for the compliments on word choice. Always been a words person and fortunately rhyme and meter come fairly easily. I remember when I first joined FanStory and realised that there were some people who just couldn't do meter, no matter how much you tried to help them. You might think it was something to do with a musical ear, but I am hopeless at music too.
As for the rhythm here, I am firmly of the opinion that if the underlying rhythm is strong enough, then a few variations don't matter one bit. Any half decent reader can smooth those out in their own head, as you obviously have done.
Sorry about the rabbit thing. It's partly why I would hesitate to try to market this as a book for kids. It just sort of sprang from that very first piece of Cheezel silliness when I didn't even dream it would end up as a series. Apologies to Bunanas!
The ending... sometimes I get a bit stuck and just have to put it to bed - literally. Now that I think of it, most of the Cheezel poems end with a whimper (or snore) not a bang. I briefly considered sending him off to an exhibition of his work at the national Gallery where he could have been the toast of the painterly community... not to be.
So thank you once again. Such detailed and insightful reviews are rare here. If you have the good fortune to be reviewed by Rama Devi, you may be in luck, but she's not here so often these days.
Final thought - if you enjoyed Cheezel for wordplay and fun, you would probably also like my Gobbledegooks poems. If you can work out how to visit another member's portfolio and then search (click on the magnifying glass and then use Ctrl-F to do a Windows searchfor Gobbledegooks) you'll find them.
Cheers.
Steve
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Rama and I are buddies already, Steve - thank you too for your great response - please visit Charlie in his Autumn sonnet - and the other few I've posted in the last 7 weeks. Hopefully today is the day to launch my first non-fiction on an unsuspecting FS. They may never be the same again! ie 'When Passover Goes Horribly Wrong'.
Till then good luck in all your new writing - agree about ALL you said about meter. Charlie says 'Miaow!' to Cheezel; Lucky Boy says 'Woof!' but Bunanas is still hiding in her hutch.
Paul
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
OMG! Besides holding a Masters degree in Literacy, I am also a fine artist from birth, and through higher ed. I want the next thing I write to have clout. ;)
Your poem should have people bidding on who will be allow to pay the biggest bucks, to take it home. It is a masterpiece on so many levels You also got to all of my favorite artists, each time I literally breathed a sigh of relief and each word went right into my catchers mit as if I knew what to expect fr a perfect everlasting work of art and it was all there. If I had the inspiration I would like to believe I could have done something similar but no this work is innate it was part of you that came out to grace us. No one could have created this but youm
Glad to meet you.
If it's a voter will vote and I will share it with others before any vote if that's the case because this poem and entire presentation is worth than could ever be won or received here by praise. I am a fan of this poem and will be, through all of my days.
Get it? lol
Best wishes Best luck Much gratitude and I'll fan you too. Peace!
Alexandra :))
ps Your Author's Notes are masterpiece too. :))
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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OMG! Besides holding a Masters degree in Literacy, I am also a fine artist from birth, and through higher ed. I want the next thing I write to have clout. ;)
Your poem should have people bidding on who will be allow to pay the biggest bucks, to take it home. It is a masterpiece on so many levels You also got to all of my favorite artists, each time I literally breathed a sigh of relief and each word went right into my catchers mit as if I knew what to expect fr a perfect everlasting work of art and it was all there. If I had the inspiration I would like to believe I could have done something similar but no this work is innate it was part of you that came out to grace us. No one could have created this but youm
Glad to meet you.
If it's a voter will vote and I will share it with others before any vote if that's the case because this poem and entire presentation is worth than could ever be won or received here by praise. I am a fan of this poem and will be, through all of my days.
Get it? lol
Best wishes Best luck Much gratitude and I'll fan you too. Peace!
Alexandra :))
ps Your Author's Notes are masterpiece too. :))
Comment Written 09-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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Whoa! Steady on, girl, any more props to my ego and my big head may just explode!
Sincere thanks for the enthusiastic, shall we say rapturous, acclaim for Cheezel and his foray into the fine arts. No, it's not a voting contest - it will be in the hands of the judging committee who will no doubt have a selection of excellent pieces to gaze upon. Fingers crossed will do!
I seem to have hit the mark with the combination of a fun piece and the art you love. I enjoyed fitting in the names of all those masters. I'm not an artist and I got a giggle out of one reviewer accusing me of showing off my university knowledge - I thought everybody at least knew the names of these 'Greats.'
Anyway, I'm glad you got a kick out of this, just as I got a kick out iof your exuberant review. Have a wonderful day. Here in NZ it looks like we finally get sunshine today after an unusually long period of rain and gloom. I'd get out in the garden except I'd probably sink to my ankles in mud.
Steve
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lol They assume just enough to justify being upset. Enjoy your outdoors, mud muddy or not. I hope you win!
Comment from Gloria ....
I had to stop by and read this most entertaining story about a famed artist.
Your metre is spot on, and the rhymes both internal and external make it a delightful read about a spunky, and determined weasel.
Wishing you great luck with the Contest Committee. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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I had to stop by and read this most entertaining story about a famed artist.
Your metre is spot on, and the rhymes both internal and external make it a delightful read about a spunky, and determined weasel.
Wishing you great luck with the Contest Committee. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 09-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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Gloria, thanks for the kind words. Cheezel is a rascal, although not so bad this time, but he always brings a smile to my face. Appreciate the sixth star.
Steve
Comment from humpwhistle
I'm guessing you left out Klee merely because it is too easy to rhyme. Our fair weasel would never the easy route--except as concerns Munch. No I know what the screamer of The Scream is screaming about. Lunch? Your poetic license should be suspended! Writing while under the influence, no doubt.
As always, Steve, your Cheezel is a delight.
I don't know if this particular cracker is marketed in NZ, but if it is, Cheezel and the Cheez-Its might lend itself to an episode.
Best of luck, Steve.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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I'm guessing you left out Klee merely because it is too easy to rhyme. Our fair weasel would never the easy route--except as concerns Munch. No I know what the screamer of The Scream is screaming about. Lunch? Your poetic license should be suspended! Writing while under the influence, no doubt.
As always, Steve, your Cheezel is a delight.
I don't know if this particular cracker is marketed in NZ, but if it is, Cheezel and the Cheez-Its might lend itself to an episode.
Best of luck, Steve.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 09-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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Many thanks, Lee. I have a soft spot for Cheezel. Not shared by the government or conservationists here - weasels are on their hit list as dreadfully harmful to our wildlife and in particular to our flightless birds. You may not know that we have no native mammals at all, apart from one small bat. Hence our birds are not well adapted to combat predators.
I have considered turning Cheezel into a book. Two problems with that - finding a decent illustrator and reconciling a children's book character who likes to kill and eat cute little bunnies!
As for Klee, I guess I could have fitted him in, but then you'd have only been screaming for Kandinsky the abstracty pinsky.
Steve
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello, Steve!
What a hoot!
An exceptionally well-crafted story in a poem that I found to be both incredibly creative as well as a rollicking good time to read and savor!
What a character!
I so enjoyed reading the litany of famous artists and your poetic aplomb in bringing them to this reader's attention in rhyme. Had to smile at your reference to Jackson Pollock as my husband often contends that my clothing is a walking testimony to his artistry! :)
Thoroughly enjoyed.
Best Wishes!
Thank you for sharing!
diane
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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Hello, Steve!
What a hoot!
An exceptionally well-crafted story in a poem that I found to be both incredibly creative as well as a rollicking good time to read and savor!
What a character!
I so enjoyed reading the litany of famous artists and your poetic aplomb in bringing them to this reader's attention in rhyme. Had to smile at your reference to Jackson Pollock as my husband often contends that my clothing is a walking testimony to his artistry! :)
Thoroughly enjoyed.
Best Wishes!
Thank you for sharing!
diane
Comment Written 09-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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Diane, huge thanks for the lovely review. I was a little disappointed with a slowish response when I first posted, but I woke this morning to four new reviews, all of them sixes!
I mainly have Pollock on my mind because he cropped up once when I was auditioning for a quiz show and the Jack the Dripper reference tripped me up. I'm much older, and I like to think wiser, now!
Picturing you in your Pollock-inspired clothes - a sign of a bright personality, I'm sure.
Steve
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Absolutely brilliant and if I had a 6* and your post would allow you'd have one! Your imagination and humour are sublime! I love Cheezel and I would buy many of his masterpieces to read to my grandchildren. You've had enormous fun doing this and it's infectious! You've even got internal rhyme in there which is always impressive! Well done! Debbie
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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Absolutely brilliant and if I had a 6* and your post would allow you'd have one! Your imagination and humour are sublime! I love Cheezel and I would buy many of his masterpieces to read to my grandchildren. You've had enormous fun doing this and it's infectious! You've even got internal rhyme in there which is always impressive! Well done! Debbie
Comment Written 08-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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Debbie, many thanks for your kind and enthusiastic words and the virtual six. You are right, I have lots of fun whenever I pen a new Cheezel poem and he dates back to 2012!
My wife wants me to turn his exploits into a book and the main obstacle is finding a talented artist who could do justice to the required artwork. There's also a slight hesitation about Cheezel's habit of killing rabbits - not every parent is going to go for that!
Thanks again - have a great day.
Steve
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Could he just be a bit ham-fisted and they always get away...?
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Nope. He eats them!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this story/poem contest entry with us. It's extremely creative and fun to read. They rhythm and rhymes are perfect. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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Thank you for sharing this story/poem contest entry with us. It's extremely creative and fun to read. They rhythm and rhymes are perfect. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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Thanks, Barbara.
I always have fun with this kind of poem.
Steve
Comment from JSD
Superb. Beautifully cheesy rhyme. There are now so many entries in this contest that I've read - it's going to be a tough one to judge. Your rhyme and rhythm seem so effortless and they are so effective. This is fun and funny. Well done!
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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Superb. Beautifully cheesy rhyme. There are now so many entries in this contest that I've read - it's going to be a tough one to judge. Your rhyme and rhythm seem so effortless and they are so effective. This is fun and funny. Well done!
Comment Written 08-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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Thank you so much for the kind words and the extra shiny star. This kind of poem seems to come easily to me and I always have fun with the outrageous stuff!
Steve
