Betrayal Calls for Action
Half free verse, half rhymed15 total reviews
Comment from karenina
Wow. So many teens harbor sad memories of what people generally think of as great milestone celebrations, such as proms...
I liked your mix of rhyme and free verse -- it did correlate to a more formal event (nice thinking!)
I didn't go to the prom. I always thought I missed something magical.
Hmmm. Maybe I just delayed the "betrayal" for later!
Karenina
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2023
  |
Wow. So many teens harbor sad memories of what people generally think of as great milestone celebrations, such as proms...
I liked your mix of rhyme and free verse -- it did correlate to a more formal event (nice thinking!)
I didn't go to the prom. I always thought I missed something magical.
Hmmm. Maybe I just delayed the "betrayal" for later!
Karenina
Comment Written 01-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2023
-
Thanks for stopping by with your personalized comments!
-
Thanks for writing such interesting and relatable stories!
Comment from patcelaw
You have written a beautiful poem. Even though you say it is not all reversed you have use some rhyming. I consider the poems where you have some roaming and mostly free versus as being free verse anyway. Patricia.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2023
|
You have written a beautiful poem. Even though you say it is not all reversed you have use some rhyming. I consider the poems where you have some roaming and mostly free versus as being free verse anyway. Patricia.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2023
-
Thank you for your nice review.
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Young love, first love can be devastating for a teen or young adult. Your story told us about a betrayal of trust. She thought she knew him, but she didn't after all. That even happens to adults.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
|
Young love, first love can be devastating for a teen or young adult. Your story told us about a betrayal of trust. She thought she knew him, but she didn't after all. That even happens to adults.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
-
Thank you for your very nice review.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job with your contest entry, CC.
It was written with grace despite the overwhelming
heartache Addie endured. You told a great little
story. Your lines were filled with well-chosen words
to convey the feelings she felt only to be betrayed
at the end. The art was a perfect choice.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest, Jan
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
|
You did a great job with your contest entry, CC.
It was written with grace despite the overwhelming
heartache Addie endured. You told a great little
story. Your lines were filled with well-chosen words
to convey the feelings she felt only to be betrayed
at the end. The art was a perfect choice.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest, Jan
Comment Written 18-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
-
Thank you for your very kind review.
Comment from shelley kaye
The dance of all dances.
The chance of all chances.
a dance of all chances.
a chance for all dances.
sad her prom had to end in a heartbreak
but she stood her ground and stood tall
ian is the loser lol
great poem with a great moral
a couple suggestions...
1. maybe play with line and stanza breaks a bit for a smoother flow?
2. maybe try a brown background and a blue font to blend in with the cool pic>
just a couple thoughts for you to kick around
thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest
shelley :)
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
|
The dance of all dances.
The chance of all chances.
a dance of all chances.
a chance for all dances.
sad her prom had to end in a heartbreak
but she stood her ground and stood tall
ian is the loser lol
great poem with a great moral
a couple suggestions...
1. maybe play with line and stanza breaks a bit for a smoother flow?
2. maybe try a brown background and a blue font to blend in with the cool pic>
just a couple thoughts for you to kick around
thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest
shelley :)
Comment Written 18-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
-
Thank you for your super review. I'll have to branch out on colors sometime.
Comment from Mary Shifman
I like this a lot. I feel bad for Addie. Teenagers, indeed, people in general can be so mean sometimes. Kudos to Addie for handing the betrayal so well. Ian was a jerk and so was his gilded beauty. Well done.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
|
I like this a lot. I feel bad for Addie. Teenagers, indeed, people in general can be so mean sometimes. Kudos to Addie for handing the betrayal so well. Ian was a jerk and so was his gilded beauty. Well done.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
-
Thank you for your kind review.
-
You are welcome.
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
Beautiful writing, but anyone who is older knows that terrible time, that she handled so well, could be the best thing that ever happened to her. If Ian could do what he did at the prom, he only would have continued to hurt her the more that she would know him. He is self and u trustworthy so hel did her a big favor by releasing that. In the future she will have a good story to tell her living husband. I believed your characters then read your Authors Note. Good writng! :)) Alex
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
|
Beautiful writing, but anyone who is older knows that terrible time, that she handled so well, could be the best thing that ever happened to her. If Ian could do what he did at the prom, he only would have continued to hurt her the more that she would know him. He is self and u trustworthy so hel did her a big favor by releasing that. In the future she will have a good story to tell her living husband. I believed your characters then read your Authors Note. Good writng! :)) Alex
Comment Written 18-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
-
I agree with you. Thank you for taking the time to do a thoughtful review.
Comment from lyenochka
That's just such a sad story and heartbreaking for a young high school girl. I never went to prom nor did my daughters, nor my husband. I think we geeks avoid things like proms. Lol. I didn't date until college so was spared a lot of grief!
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
|
That's just such a sad story and heartbreaking for a young high school girl. I never went to prom nor did my daughters, nor my husband. I think we geeks avoid things like proms. Lol. I didn't date until college so was spared a lot of grief!
Comment Written 18-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2023
-
Thank you for your personal review!
Comment from royowen
Yes, a lot of kids have suffered the broken, but it leaves a residue of wisdom in its wake. Perception is needed when young, it's usually in short supply at first, I love this poetic essay Crystie, nicely written and expressed, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2023
|
Yes, a lot of kids have suffered the broken, but it leaves a residue of wisdom in its wake. Perception is needed when young, it's usually in short supply at first, I love this poetic essay Crystie, nicely written and expressed, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 17-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2023
-
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful review.
-
Most welcome
Comment from Tom Horonzy
At least she got to go to prom. Not I, but that's wasn't a surprised. I was an owl in the dark to most of my fellow-students who asked WHOOO's He?
I survived. Did quite well, and that sister is all I have to say about prom!
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2023
|
At least she got to go to prom. Not I, but that's wasn't a surprised. I was an owl in the dark to most of my fellow-students who asked WHOOO's He?
I survived. Did quite well, and that sister is all I have to say about prom!
Comment Written 17-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2023
-
An owl in the dark, LOL. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment today!
-
Glad the suggestion was worthwhile. Be swell; You're already well!
