Mourning
A Victorian Woman Moves On15 total reviews
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
I don't know how true to yourself this story is. I do believe I've gone through this story and came out in the other side. The parts from then until now, you don't want to know. I made it, that's all that matters. I think the wrong was well done. Just please don't apologize for rewriting or reposting. People here can handle reading this and it seems were here to help each other share on progress. I can't imagine who you are writing that part for. Those dynamics don't exist between writers here. Good work! :))
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2023
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I don't know how true to yourself this story is. I do believe I've gone through this story and came out in the other side. The parts from then until now, you don't want to know. I made it, that's all that matters. I think the wrong was well done. Just please don't apologize for rewriting or reposting. People here can handle reading this and it seems were here to help each other share on progress. I can't imagine who you are writing that part for. Those dynamics don't exist between writers here. Good work! :))
Comment Written 12-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2023
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I don't really know where the idea for it came from in all honesty. I sat down to write a poem about how one side can't see the other's point of view in conflict and the poem is what came out. I hope it was because it was a message someone needed. I always hope that my writing does someone, somewhere, some good.
I did have an experience in a relationship once that very much went South. Fortunately, I survived, got away, and held my ground. There are so many factors why this can be so hard for a lot of women in troubled or abusive relationships.
When I finished editing the first time, I posted it and then quickly realized I'd posted the wrong version. The final was gone though. I hadn't saved it I guess. So, I took my draft and reworked it. Of course, this time it was quite different from the first time. But, I got to the point I was satisfied and hoped it would be well received.
Thanks so much for your review and kind words. I'm glad you made it to the other side. No one ever has the right to harm you in any way even though they may think they do. Stay strong and don't let others make you feel like less. If they are worth being in your world they should be an asset and not a liability!
Tara
Comment from Eternal Muse
This is a very deep poem, and I only wish I had a six. First of all, let me compliment you on the terrific presentation. That artwork is priceless.
You depict a nice woman who is being abused and terrorized by her husband. She feels that she has suffered enough humiliation and abuse and makes a brave decision to leave. That was especially hard in those Victorian times, but she must have had it, and nothing matters anymore.
I hope that she finds peace and harmony and the happiness she deserves.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2023
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This is a very deep poem, and I only wish I had a six. First of all, let me compliment you on the terrific presentation. That artwork is priceless.
You depict a nice woman who is being abused and terrorized by her husband. She feels that she has suffered enough humiliation and abuse and makes a brave decision to leave. That was especially hard in those Victorian times, but she must have had it, and nothing matters anymore.
I hope that she finds peace and harmony and the happiness she deserves.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2023
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Thank you so much for your kind words! This poem really had it rough for a minute, but it finally came around. I'm just relieved it did. I don't really know where this one came from, but I'm quite sure that everything worked out for our heroine. She just had some adjusting to do. ;) thanks again!
Comment from Douglas Goff
Very good indeed. This poem lays out a mini document-drama in great sweeping detail.
My favorite ray of hope line:
Every mile brings my new future nearer.
Nice writing. Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2023
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Very good indeed. This poem lays out a mini document-drama in great sweeping detail.
My favorite ray of hope line:
Every mile brings my new future nearer.
Nice writing. Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 10-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2023
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Thank you! This poem took a couple of brains in the process due to a version control error on my part. This last iteration worked out pretty well I hope. Thanks again!
Comment from shelley kaye
wow this was a great story about an abused woman being freed and moving on... i like the letter in the middle.
deep and meaningful message with smooth flow and rhyme
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
p.s. try out the basic editor rather than the advanced one - so much easier lol
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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wow this was a great story about an abused woman being freed and moving on... i like the letter in the middle.
deep and meaningful message with smooth flow and rhyme
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
p.s. try out the basic editor rather than the advanced one - so much easier lol
Comment Written 10-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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You know I just can't ever get anything to work right. I write a lot on my phone in docs. That's probably some of the problem.
Thanks for the read and review, Shelley. This poem was written and uploaded. Then I realized it was the wrong version, the right version had vanished, and it took couple of months to get back to it, but I'm glad I did. Thanks again!
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Tara, (what a pretty name, it comes from an Indian goddess)
Never apologize for your poetry. Your poem is beautiful as it is.
There are many battered women in the world. It's important to write about it. I would delete...
"This is the wrong version, please give me a minute to locate and post. Sorry! "
From the top of your post. Also apologies in your author notes. Reviewers will offer their reviews anyway. Hopefully they will be kind. I worked with abused women for two years. I would add a crisis line....
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Hours: 24/7
800-799-7233
I think it's about a battered mistress that leaves him. She took his money? That would be awesome.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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Tara, (what a pretty name, it comes from an Indian goddess)
Never apologize for your poetry. Your poem is beautiful as it is.
There are many battered women in the world. It's important to write about it. I would delete...
"This is the wrong version, please give me a minute to locate and post. Sorry! "
From the top of your post. Also apologies in your author notes. Reviewers will offer their reviews anyway. Hopefully they will be kind. I worked with abused women for two years. I would add a crisis line....
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Hours: 24/7
800-799-7233
I think it's about a battered mistress that leaves him. She took his money? That would be awesome.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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I did add the hotline and I thank you for being so thoughtful! Excellent addition. Unfortunately you had read a draft. I lost the first completed work somehow and just now got back to it again. It's a bit different. Give it another read if you don't care? Thanks again!
Comment from Bill Schott
This poem, Mourning, presented with some AABBCC-rhymed sextets, along with unformatted lines. It seems like the theme may have changed since the initial idea of Mourning. I read an escape from a brutalal, one-sided relationship.
I found this: Where I hide when the (monster) is about...
Happy day.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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This poem, Mourning, presented with some AABBCC-rhymed sextets, along with unformatted lines. It seems like the theme may have changed since the initial idea of Mourning. I read an escape from a brutalal, one-sided relationship.
I found this: Where I hide when the (monster) is about...
Happy day.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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Bill, thanks so much for reading and reviewing. Unfortunately, you had read a draft. I lost the first completed work somehow and just now got back to it again. It's a bit different. Give it another read if you don't care? Thanks again!
Comment from leather
There is so much I like about this poem--the excellent presentation/illustration, the text size, and the sequences of dressing and going to the train where she introduces herself as a widow. However, it seemed hard to determine whether her husband was dead. I mostly felt that until the last line when we are told that her husband will wail and weep once he awakes.
I do wish I understood the poem a little better.
Thanks for writing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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There is so much I like about this poem--the excellent presentation/illustration, the text size, and the sequences of dressing and going to the train where she introduces herself as a widow. However, it seemed hard to determine whether her husband was dead. I mostly felt that until the last line when we are told that her husband will wail and weep once he awakes.
I do wish I understood the poem a little better.
Thanks for writing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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Thank you so much for reading and for your review. Unfortunately you had read a draft. I lost the first completed work somehow and just now got back to it again. It's a bit different. Give it another read if you don't care? I think it will be much clearer now. Thanks again!
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Hi, Tara; I just reread your work from the completed piece, and it has improved so much. You did a great job in clarifying her husband's state of being.
I wish I knew how to give you a higher rating, but I don't. Sorry.
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Hi, Tara; I just reread your work from the completed piece, and it has improved so much. You did a great job in clarifying her husband's state of being.
I wish I knew how to give you a higher rating, but I don't. Sorry.
Comment from Lea Tonin1
Your problem tells a very poignant story a story of major decision making and finally coming to it and the courage takes to follow through. I found your subject matter interesting and impactful that has me hoping she has a good future.
I find your rhyming to be good as well especially your picture selection! My favorite line is "the sun shines but I brush it away" very good! I did notice some flow issues if I may make a suggestion. Ie: "Because it's what he made me hate" to "Because what he's made me hate"...a couple little tweaks like that will make a good poem great! I hope this helps! Thank you for submitting a very enjoyable read!
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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Your problem tells a very poignant story a story of major decision making and finally coming to it and the courage takes to follow through. I found your subject matter interesting and impactful that has me hoping she has a good future.
I find your rhyming to be good as well especially your picture selection! My favorite line is "the sun shines but I brush it away" very good! I did notice some flow issues if I may make a suggestion. Ie: "Because it's what he made me hate" to "Because what he's made me hate"...a couple little tweaks like that will make a good poem great! I hope this helps! Thank you for submitting a very enjoyable read!
Comment Written 21-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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Thank you so much for your kind words and review. Unfortunately you had read a draft. I lost the first completed work somehow and just now got back to it again. It's a bit different. Give it another read if you don't care? Thanks again!
Comment from Julie G1
Well done. A quirky tale, effectively conveyed in verse. The choice of language and imagery was apt. The use of the graphic also worked well. The rhyming technique was well handled, definitely added to the verse. Keep on writing.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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Well done. A quirky tale, effectively conveyed in verse. The choice of language and imagery was apt. The use of the graphic also worked well. The rhyming technique was well handled, definitely added to the verse. Keep on writing.
Comment Written 21-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2023
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Thank you so much for your read and review. Unfortunately you had read a draft. I lost the first completed work somehow and just now got back to it again. It's a bit different. Give it another read if you don't care? It's clearer and more refined now. I was sick over the loss of the first one, but it came around again. Thanks again!
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Shall do. Cheers.
Comment from Mintybee
This is a complete and emotional tale that gets the reader on your character's side. The flow was good. The rhyme scheme is unsteady in places. There are times you switch from aabbcc to abab or aaa. It could use some more polish to fix that. The detail you use paints a clear picture of your character and her journey, and her emotional state.
Mintybee
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2023
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This is a complete and emotional tale that gets the reader on your character's side. The flow was good. The rhyme scheme is unsteady in places. There are times you switch from aabbcc to abab or aaa. It could use some more polish to fix that. The detail you use paints a clear picture of your character and her journey, and her emotional state.
Mintybee
Comment Written 21-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2023
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Thank you. After publishing I realized I'd used the wrong version. I appreciate your commentary very much and am trying to get the revised version uploaded.
