Dark Shadows
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "The Battle Fought"A collection of short stories and flash fiction
4 total reviews
Comment from auspicious76
Is this you? Or have you stepped into the mind of someone who may have walked in those shoes? Either way, I think you managed to grasp the guilt, loss,shame, and utter hopelessness of this person. Good job.
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Is this you? Or have you stepped into the mind of someone who may have walked in those shoes? Either way, I think you managed to grasp the guilt, loss,shame, and utter hopelessness of this person. Good job.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2007
Comment from Adora Bayles
Dear Ricouard: I hope your protagonist is able to drag herself from this mire. She'd better get busy and take hand and do. She seems to have been all faith and no action. God helps those who take action. He works in such mysterious ways that we often don't recognize the answers. I have a few corrections for you:
For try as I might, I cannot explain it to myself,
Might is the past tense of may.
For try as I may, I cannot explain it to myself,
Who see's me with more favor?
Apostrophes are for contractions and possessives.
Who sees me with more favor? (no apostrophe)
It is you who have fostered such thoughts, you who have left me to founder and drown
We always capitalize references to our higher power.
It is You who have fostered such thoughts, You who have left me to founder and drown
as once you played against Jobb?
I don't have my bible handy but I think Job's name had one b.
Adora
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2006
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Dear Ricouard: I hope your protagonist is able to drag herself from this mire. She'd better get busy and take hand and do. She seems to have been all faith and no action. God helps those who take action. He works in such mysterious ways that we often don't recognize the answers. I have a few corrections for you:
For try as I might, I cannot explain it to myself,
Might is the past tense of may.
For try as I may, I cannot explain it to myself,
Who see's me with more favor?
Apostrophes are for contractions and possessives.
Who sees me with more favor? (no apostrophe)
It is you who have fostered such thoughts, you who have left me to founder and drown
We always capitalize references to our higher power.
It is You who have fostered such thoughts, You who have left me to founder and drown
as once you played against Jobb?
I don't have my bible handy but I think Job's name had one b.
Adora
Comment Written 25-Jun-2006
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2006
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Ohhh... she drug herself from the mire.... just took a while. At this point, she is simply trying to live again and refind the faith she lost in her fellow man. It wasn't that she expected God to "fix" it ALL... but faith is a hard thing to hold to when time and time again, no matter how hard you struggle to overcome, even taking ALL of the initiative yourself, that God cannot find the time to step in and HELP a little. Thank you for taking the time to review my work. I will take your suggested corrections and fix my errors.
Comment from Swagman
This breaks my heart, mainly because I've shared these thoughts and these feelings within my own mind, my own struggles and my own heart. I've been through so much that my faith which saved my life when I was 16 has been tested to the absolute limit. The only thing I know for sure right now is that I long to be nothing more than happy and to have happiness in my life, I long to be loved . . . I've read the book of Job many times for comfort, your writing recalls Job's worries for me, it says here's a person who's lost everything, had everything taken away and finally given up hope at the last moment. I believe that's where the real test lies, no normal person could ever endure these woes without having any faith in God.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2006
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This breaks my heart, mainly because I've shared these thoughts and these feelings within my own mind, my own struggles and my own heart. I've been through so much that my faith which saved my life when I was 16 has been tested to the absolute limit. The only thing I know for sure right now is that I long to be nothing more than happy and to have happiness in my life, I long to be loved . . . I've read the book of Job many times for comfort, your writing recalls Job's worries for me, it says here's a person who's lost everything, had everything taken away and finally given up hope at the last moment. I believe that's where the real test lies, no normal person could ever endure these woes without having any faith in God.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2006
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2006
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Yes, it takes much faith to continue going day after day with such things threatening to break you completely. And just as you say, I long each day simply for happiness, love, and a sense that I REALLY mean something to someone. So, you see, you are not alone, and neither am I though, at times, it sure feels that way! Just so you know, I may not have refound my "lost" faith completely yet, but I have refound my hope. With that, perhaps the rest will follow. Thank you for taking the time to read and review my work. Your comments mean a lot.
Comment from Chadster81
Maybe I was too harsh after reading your bio, but from a Stanford graduate I would expect more creativity and also better staccato. I felt like this prayer was a regurgitation and very simple. Never once did it make me question God as felt was it's intention.
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Maybe I was too harsh after reading your bio, but from a Stanford graduate I would expect more creativity and also better staccato. I felt like this prayer was a regurgitation and very simple. Never once did it make me question God as felt was it's intention.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2006
