A Ring of Truth
Short story for the empty house contest9 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi June,
I like this story of time travel and the way the universe gives people there due in the end. It is some coincidence, or is it, that she returned the ring the same day the gardener's relatives came to claim it. Now they will know their grandfather is a murderer.
Congrats on placing third in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Enjoy the rest of your week.
Joan
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2023
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Hi June,
I like this story of time travel and the way the universe gives people there due in the end. It is some coincidence, or is it, that she returned the ring the same day the gardener's relatives came to claim it. Now they will know their grandfather is a murderer.
Congrats on placing third in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Enjoy the rest of your week.
Joan
Comment Written 27-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2023
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Thank you for stopping by to read my story! Have only recently ventured into the land of prose, I am glad you enjoyed the read. Your support and feedback are much appreciated.
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You're most kindly welcome, June. You did well on one of your first forays into prose.
Joan
Comment from Julie Lau
Oh wow! That's a spooky story and a very well-told one. It kept my interest more than any other story I have read on this site to date, hence the 6 stars. You deserve to win the contest - I will certainly vote for you.
All the best, Julie Lau
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Oh wow! That's a spooky story and a very well-told one. It kept my interest more than any other story I have read on this site to date, hence the 6 stars. You deserve to win the contest - I will certainly vote for you.
All the best, Julie Lau
Comment Written 27-Mar-2023
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This write has more questions than answers and I feel there are a few loose ends that are left to our imagination here June, a fine post for the prompt, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2023
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This write has more questions than answers and I feel there are a few loose ends that are left to our imagination here June, a fine post for the prompt, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 27-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2023
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Yes. I purposely left a few things up to the reader?s imagination. Thanks for dropping by to read and review. Much appreciated.
Comment from Mary Shifman
This is excellent. You did a great job telling a complete story that includes descriptive passages and a well developed character. Well done. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2022
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This is excellent. You did a great job telling a complete story that includes descriptive passages and a well developed character. Well done. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2022
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts and positive feedback! Much appreciated.
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You are welcome.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your contest entry read well, June. Great job with the prompt.
I could easily follow the events in the story. The picture was a
good pairing with your well-chosen words. The central woman
character had announced she was pregnant. So, she had that
baby after she adopted the one she named Penelope?
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest, Jan
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Your contest entry read well, June. Great job with the prompt.
I could easily follow the events in the story. The picture was a
good pairing with your well-chosen words. The central woman
character had announced she was pregnant. So, she had that
baby after she adopted the one she named Penelope?
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest, Jan
Comment Written 04-Nov-2022
Comment from Olivanne Marsh
Good luck in the contest. The picture seemed perfect for the story, I loved the bougainvilleas blooming around the "stone cold" exterior. It was a creative touch. Despite a fitting picture, I think you could have done a little more description of the house...but perhaps you are constricted by a word count for the contest. I think a little dialogue between George and the narrator might give the reader a better picture of his character. Lindsay seems rather sociopathic for a college student; did you intend this? Actually, both her and George seem pretty cold...makes one wonder how they could be passionate enough about each other to kill another person who is getting in their way. That is one thing the narrative seems a little weak on, a strong motivation for murder.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2022
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Good luck in the contest. The picture seemed perfect for the story, I loved the bougainvilleas blooming around the "stone cold" exterior. It was a creative touch. Despite a fitting picture, I think you could have done a little more description of the house...but perhaps you are constricted by a word count for the contest. I think a little dialogue between George and the narrator might give the reader a better picture of his character. Lindsay seems rather sociopathic for a college student; did you intend this? Actually, both her and George seem pretty cold...makes one wonder how they could be passionate enough about each other to kill another person who is getting in their way. That is one thing the narrative seems a little weak on, a strong motivation for murder.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2022
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feedback on this story! I took into consideration your suggestions and have fleshed out the characters with a little more dialogue. I've been posting poetry on this site for awhile, and only recently ventured into the land of prose. I appreciate any help I can get. Thanks again.
Comment from Teri7
This is a very well written short story you have penned for the Sentence Starts the Story. You used very good descriptive words and great dialogue and very neat imagery from the art work. Best wishes in the contest. love and blessings, Teri
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This is a very well written short story you have penned for the Sentence Starts the Story. You used very good descriptive words and great dialogue and very neat imagery from the art work. Best wishes in the contest. love and blessings, Teri
Comment Written 03-Nov-2022
Comment from BethShelby
This is excellent writing. You should write more stories. I love your poems and haikus but those aren't all that you are good at writing. This one is a good entry for the sentence starts the story contest. Good luck.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2022
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This is excellent writing. You should write more stories. I love your poems and haikus but those aren't all that you are good at writing. This one is a good entry for the sentence starts the story contest. Good luck.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2022
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Thank you for sharing your positive feedback! I took a risk writing a murder mystery - but I actually enjoyed it. Might try more stories in the future. Spreading my rings a bit?
Comment from Mrs. KT
Whew, June!
Now that's a story - and one that is closer to truth than fiction - the unfaithfulness of her partner and murder part, that is. Of course, I loved the fact that your protagonist discover the plan and took action. And your ending was divine.
One small edit needed:
"Get rid of her once and for all - or I will report you to the board. Im (I'm) pregnant."
Thank you for sharing!
Best wishes!
diane
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2022
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Whew, June!
Now that's a story - and one that is closer to truth than fiction - the unfaithfulness of her partner and murder part, that is. Of course, I loved the fact that your protagonist discover the plan and took action. And your ending was divine.
One small edit needed:
"Get rid of her once and for all - or I will report you to the board. Im (I'm) pregnant."
Thank you for sharing!
Best wishes!
diane
Comment Written 03-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2022
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Thank you for taking the time to read and share your thoughts. And for alerting me to the typo. I didn?t really want to delve too deeply into the mind of a killer. lol So I wrote from the standpoint of the victim becoming her own savior, as well as the baby?s - from the sins of her father. Thanks again!
