Cheezel the Weasel
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Cheezel's Birthday Party"The adventures of a rascally former pirate
14 total reviews
Comment from Jeff Flaig
I liked the story and the pattern. It flowed nicely from beginning to end. I can't decide whether it should be a children's rhyme or adult, but it read well, and I liked your style.
Good Job.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2022
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I liked the story and the pattern. It flowed nicely from beginning to end. I can't decide whether it should be a children's rhyme or adult, but it read well, and I liked your style.
Good Job.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2022
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Thanks, Jeff. Let's call it a children's story, but the children who are my audience are treated as if they are adults!
Steve
Comment from rspoet
Hello Steve,
Apparently Cheezel made his first appearance long before I came to fanstory,
but I'm glad you resurrected him from the basement of lost humor stories.
Love the rhymes, meter and word play, there' plenty of hearty piratry for all.
Don't think Beatrix Potter would be too happy with Cheezel, but Mr. McGregor would love him, as would all gardeners.
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes.
Robert
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2022
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Hello Steve,
Apparently Cheezel made his first appearance long before I came to fanstory,
but I'm glad you resurrected him from the basement of lost humor stories.
Love the rhymes, meter and word play, there' plenty of hearty piratry for all.
Don't think Beatrix Potter would be too happy with Cheezel, but Mr. McGregor would love him, as would all gardeners.
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes.
Robert
Comment Written 06-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2022
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Many thanks, as always for the great review.
Yes, I have a long history with Cheezel. My favourite is the Pirate Convention one - Chapter 5 I think.
The rabbit-eating might be problematic if I were ever to try to get this published as a children's book.
Steve
Comment from Sally Carter
I don't think I've met Cheezel before, but he's definitely a hero. I love the story in your poem.
I don't know how you'd define the meter of this one, but I'm sure I can hear rousing pirate-y voices throughout.
It would take forever to list all the words and lines in Cheezel which earned you a six; they're there in sackfuls. Alliteration, assonance, humour, imagery. Wonderful!
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2022
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I don't think I've met Cheezel before, but he's definitely a hero. I love the story in your poem.
I don't know how you'd define the meter of this one, but I'm sure I can hear rousing pirate-y voices throughout.
It would take forever to list all the words and lines in Cheezel which earned you a six; they're there in sackfuls. Alliteration, assonance, humour, imagery. Wonderful!
Comment Written 05-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2022
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Thanks, Sally...
Meter... You are right - I can't even pick this one myself. I've used a couple of different meters for the Cheezel poems and partway through this one I was starting to wish I'd chosen a different one, but decided to plough on...
This is the very first Cheezle verse and it is much easier to see anapaestic meter...
Old Cheezel is a weasel and a razzle-dazzle fellow,
For his whiskers they are crimson, while his feathers they are yellow,
And he wears a woolly waistcoat with a pair of bright blue braces
When he waddles off to Ascot just to see the tortoise races.
Alas poor Cheezel has a penchant for killing and eating rabbits which pretty much disqualifies him from ever being successful as a children's story!
Steve
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Is Cheezel available anywhere but on FS? I now have hard copies of your two collections, but would buy more. I also need to start buying some of the collections from the radio poets. Maybe just one at a time....
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I finally threw together a poem incorporating slant rhyme, along with a wish to write something about a little shed I saw with that name above the door. It's nor Wordsworth, but another step to getting back to creating rather than just reading.
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Firstly, thanks for buying my books. Not sure if I told you but because Amazon for some reason doesn't pay electronically to NZ authors, royalties have to reach a certain threshold before they will write me a cheque. Even in my best market (US) I am nowhere near the threshold so they just sit on my money until I die or at least gracefully retire from their services. In UK, despite your purchases, I am unlikely to ever receive my money. This is cause for me spitting nasty words in Amazon's direction (under my breath) If I could ever work out who to write to I would send them a snarling letter!
And no, Cheezel has never been published. Along with my other Children's series, The Gobbledegooks' I am waiting for a miracle in the form of a gifted illustrator to pop into my life,,, I suspect Amazon will become reasonable and pigs will fly before that happens.
Comment from humpwhistle
I always enjoy revisiting your wizened pirate weasel Cheezel. Love the internal rhymes, and the rampaging wordplay. It's fun watching a poet have fun. Too many are too serious.
I know that Bartle's barbecuing rabbits on the flames.--Just wondering if 'rabbits' needs an apostrophe?
Is it 'rabbits' plural, or a contraction of 'rabbit is'?
Best of luck!
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2022
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I always enjoy revisiting your wizened pirate weasel Cheezel. Love the internal rhymes, and the rampaging wordplay. It's fun watching a poet have fun. Too many are too serious.
I know that Bartle's barbecuing rabbits on the flames.--Just wondering if 'rabbits' needs an apostrophe?
Is it 'rabbits' plural, or a contraction of 'rabbit is'?
Best of luck!
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 05-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2022
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Many thank, Lee.
Cheezel has some way to go to catch up on your recurring 'heroes' - which reminds me I must review Peel before he slips away.
Steve
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Ah, Peel'll be around a couple more days.
Comment from Allezw2
Peter, Paul, and Mary would have done this if not for Puff!
Just the thing for a kid's party.
If you're sleeping it off, how do you know Cheezel the pirate party weasel is still standing?
You certainly tweaked the rhymer's runes for this bit of vocabulary practice.
Certainly, more fun than the big rock candy mountain.
Nicely done,
Fantasist
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2022
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Peter, Paul, and Mary would have done this if not for Puff!
Just the thing for a kid's party.
If you're sleeping it off, how do you know Cheezel the pirate party weasel is still standing?
You certainly tweaked the rhymer's runes for this bit of vocabulary practice.
Certainly, more fun than the big rock candy mountain.
Nicely done,
Fantasist
Comment Written 05-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2022
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Yeah, I considered Cheezel the Magic Weasel but couldn't get it to fit into the meter. And kids' parties are out too due to Cheezel's insistence that he be allowed to slaughter and eat cure fluffy bunnies. In his very first appearance he just leaped onto a rabbit and tore him to pieces in front of a crowd. I doubt the conservatives are going to allow this book onto Library shelves. He wasn't naked though - that may be a loophole.
Thanks for the fun review.
Steve
Comment from Heather Burroughs
Your story is cute, clever and well written. I thoroughly enjoyed the lighthearted poem. Thank you for sharing your work. Many blessings to you and your loved ones
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2022
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Your story is cute, clever and well written. I thoroughly enjoyed the lighthearted poem. Thank you for sharing your work. Many blessings to you and your loved ones
Comment Written 04-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2022
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Hi, Heather. Welcome to FanStory - I hope you like it here.
Thanks for the kind words about my Cheezel poem. Did you know that as well as the writing shown on the listings you can easily dip into an author's work from weeks, months or even years before by going to their profile page and clicking on portfolio from the left side menu?
Cheers.
Steve
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Thank you for the warm welcome! I noticed the portfolio but haven't really delved into anything yet. I'm enjoying the site so far. I'm glad I stumbled upon it
Comment from LisaMay
Aaagh, me hearties... that Cheezel weasel sure is a party animal! I have a spare 6 to bestow for the simple fun of this riotous party. I like rum myself (lots of 'tots' sometimes) but luckily I've never gone overboard. It's always a good thing to have a Yo Ho Ho handy.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2022
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Aaagh, me hearties... that Cheezel weasel sure is a party animal! I have a spare 6 to bestow for the simple fun of this riotous party. I like rum myself (lots of 'tots' sometimes) but luckily I've never gone overboard. It's always a good thing to have a Yo Ho Ho handy.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2022
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Thanks, Lisa. Yes sixes are scarce at this time of the week, so glad you had one up your sleeve.
You'd probably enjoy the other Cheezel poems. Chapter 5 The Pirates Convention is my favourite...
Steve
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Loved that one too.Tell me something Diablo, does a pirate go "Arr" or "Aaaagh"?
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Ah, I don't know!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I enjoyed reading your poem/story contest entry. Yes, a story you did tell. I am worried about Black Bob's safety. Was he ever rescued? Anyway, thank you for sharing and I wish you luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2022
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I enjoyed reading your poem/story contest entry. Yes, a story you did tell. I am worried about Black Bob's safety. Was he ever rescued? Anyway, thank you for sharing and I wish you luck with the contest.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2022
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Thanks, Barbara - glad you enjoyed. Rest assured - no pirates were harmed in the riotous assembly!
Steve
Comment from Luke Jarret
This is delightful. It's cute, fun, and it flows really well. Thank you for sharing it, I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!
Not sure if "tots of rum" is simply terminology I'm unfamiliar with, or if it's a typo for "lots of rum" - so I thought I'd point it out just in case!
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2022
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This is delightful. It's cute, fun, and it flows really well. Thank you for sharing it, I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!
Not sure if "tots of rum" is simply terminology I'm unfamiliar with, or if it's a typo for "lots of rum" - so I thought I'd point it out just in case!
Comment Written 04-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2022
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Thanks, Luke and a big welcome to FanStory - I hope you like it here. You can always peek at anyone's work by going to their portfolio - find the link on their profile page.
From Wikipedia"
The rum ration (also called the tot) was a daily amount of rum given to sailors on Royal Navy ships. It was abolished in 1970 after concerns that the intake of strong alcohol would lead to unsteady hands when working machinery.
Here's the rest of the article which makes interesting reading!
The rum ration, or "tot", from 1850 to 1970 consisted of one-eighth of an imperial pint (71 ml) of rum at 95.5 proof (54.6% ABV), given out at midday. Senior ratings (petty officers and above) received their rum neat, whilst for junior ratings it was diluted with two parts of water to make three-eighths of an imperial pint (213 ml) of grog. Rum, due to its highly flammable nature, was stored in large barrels in a special rum store in the bowels of the ship. The rum ration was served from one particular barrel, known as the "Rum Tub", which was ornately decorated and was made of oak and reinforced with brass bands with brass letters saying "The Queen, God Bless Her".
Not all sailors necessarily drew their rum: each had the option to be marked in the ship's books as "G" (for Grog) or "T" (for Temperance). Sailors who opted to be "T" were given threepence (3d) a day instead of the rum ration, although most preferred the rum. Sailors under 20 were not permitted a rum ration, and were marked on the ship's books as "UA" (Under Age).[4]
The time when the rum ration was distributed was called "Up Spirits", which was between 11 am and 12 noon. A common cry from the sailors was "Standfast the Holy Ghost". This was in response to the bosun's call "Up Spirits". Each mess had a "Rum Bosun" who would collect the rum in a metal container called a " fanny " from the Supply rating (Jack Dusty) responsible for measuring out the right number of tots for each mess. The officers did not get a rum ration (but had unrationed access to a range of duty-free commercial spirits).
Tot glasses were kept separate from any other glasses. They were washed on the outside, but never inside, in the belief that residue of past tots would stick to the side of the glass and make the tot even stronger.
Comment from Janice Canerdy
This narrative poem is excellent in every respect--skillfully and creatively written, vividly descriptive in its delivery of an exciting, entertaining plot.
It's like the pirate version of a really rowdy Super Bowl party. :-)
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2022
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This narrative poem is excellent in every respect--skillfully and creatively written, vividly descriptive in its delivery of an exciting, entertaining plot.
It's like the pirate version of a really rowdy Super Bowl party. :-)
Comment Written 04-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2022
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Thanks, Janice. Cheezel is ALWAYS rowdy and rambunctious. You should see what he gets up to at the Pirates' Convention (Chapter 5 in the book.) However he is rather English so he wouldn't know much about the Super Bowl!
Steve
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:-)
