Love's Perfection
Caring Hearts Abound2 total reviews
Comment from Frank Malley
This love poem seeks to do something quite difficult: it attempts to capture in words what is presented as perfect love. The author chooses many words that capture writers' eyes and ears - elated, everlasting, blissful, uniquely, destiny, envisioned, crystal are examples - and therefore become too much an evidence of a vocabulary that wishes to impress, while unfortunately overlooking aspects of language usage that reveal too little concern for basic correctness. There are forms of correctness even dialect and slang usage, and failing to honor these examples of accepted sound and sense will almost always harm a poem. Of course, vocabulary is an important tool, but syntax - the sense of statements - depends on rules that must be honored, or stretched more carefully.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2022
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This love poem seeks to do something quite difficult: it attempts to capture in words what is presented as perfect love. The author chooses many words that capture writers' eyes and ears - elated, everlasting, blissful, uniquely, destiny, envisioned, crystal are examples - and therefore become too much an evidence of a vocabulary that wishes to impress, while unfortunately overlooking aspects of language usage that reveal too little concern for basic correctness. There are forms of correctness even dialect and slang usage, and failing to honor these examples of accepted sound and sense will almost always harm a poem. Of course, vocabulary is an important tool, but syntax - the sense of statements - depends on rules that must be honored, or stretched more carefully.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2022
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Thanks for your amazing critique
JD
Comment from HarryT
This is a fine effort but it becomes muddled because there is a switch from singluar (your everlasting smile) to plural in the last line (friendships). The first three lines are in third person singular, the last line switches to plural. Nice pic to fit with crystal clear.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2022
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This is a fine effort but it becomes muddled because there is a switch from singluar (your everlasting smile) to plural in the last line (friendships). The first three lines are in third person singular, the last line switches to plural. Nice pic to fit with crystal clear.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2022
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Thanks for your kind words
JD
