Rise from the Fall
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "The Long Night"From one life to another
4 total reviews
Comment from Kaiku
Hi, this is the first chapter I have read of this work. I enjoyed your writing. Since I don`t know anything of the story other than what I read here, I have two questions: `finally submitting the sleep` a line toward the end, should it read `finally submitting to sleep`
Early on you have `running to the window at full speed I pull her back, bear hugging her in my lap` I see him sitting and having an awful long reach to grab a woman running at full speed. For me, it`s an awkward description. Unless he chases after her and then pulls her close to his lap as he sits down.
I`ll have to catch up on the other chapters. Thanks.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2023
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Hi, this is the first chapter I have read of this work. I enjoyed your writing. Since I don`t know anything of the story other than what I read here, I have two questions: `finally submitting the sleep` a line toward the end, should it read `finally submitting to sleep`
Early on you have `running to the window at full speed I pull her back, bear hugging her in my lap` I see him sitting and having an awful long reach to grab a woman running at full speed. For me, it`s an awkward description. Unless he chases after her and then pulls her close to his lap as he sits down.
I`ll have to catch up on the other chapters. Thanks.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2023
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Thanks, Kaiku. I'm glad you enjoyed my work.
Comment from Jim Wile
Hey, I liked this. Your writing is very good! This is the first chapter I've read of your story, and the two characters are very interesting. Colton seems like a good guy, and it looks like he will probably win over Becka's trust.
I like how you intersperse dialog with thoughts about how it is affecting the conversants ("Why would you do that?" Those emerald eyes cut me, "What are you trying to pull?" Her guard is up, and the walls grow by the second. I meant what I said, but I hope it doesn't come to that.) It's very well done.
There were a few typos: A misplaced ?" in the sentence: ...my head meets the desk?"
Another misplaced ?" in the sentence: ...sends waves of pain up my arm?"
Should be "submitting to sleep" instead of "submitting the sleep" in the final paragraph.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2023
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Hey, I liked this. Your writing is very good! This is the first chapter I've read of your story, and the two characters are very interesting. Colton seems like a good guy, and it looks like he will probably win over Becka's trust.
I like how you intersperse dialog with thoughts about how it is affecting the conversants ("Why would you do that?" Those emerald eyes cut me, "What are you trying to pull?" Her guard is up, and the walls grow by the second. I meant what I said, but I hope it doesn't come to that.) It's very well done.
There were a few typos: A misplaced ?" in the sentence: ...my head meets the desk?"
Another misplaced ?" in the sentence: ...sends waves of pain up my arm?"
Should be "submitting to sleep" instead of "submitting the sleep" in the final paragraph.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2023
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Thank you Jim Wile I'm glad you enjoyed my work.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
You start right off with a perfect simile. Not many use similes for fear of sounding cliche. I know I am going to enjoy this. This is a good sensory imagery: "Their metallic steps hid whispered words of guests." I love the plethora of metaphorical sensory images. You appeal to many senses each time:
"We gaze at the ceiling, tracing the canyons formed from disrepair. " I cannot find anything that needs adjusting.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
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You start right off with a perfect simile. Not many use similes for fear of sounding cliche. I know I am going to enjoy this. This is a good sensory imagery: "Their metallic steps hid whispered words of guests." I love the plethora of metaphorical sensory images. You appeal to many senses each time:
"We gaze at the ceiling, tracing the canyons formed from disrepair. " I cannot find anything that needs adjusting.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
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Thank you Liz O'Neil. I'm glad you enjoyed my work.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This War and History Fiction, a chapter in the book Rise from the Fall, speaks about the long night, Colton must now deal with Becka; well said, well done, thanks 4 sharing this and nice reviewing this legible post on white background, post more, fast, time is limited, precious, rare (good) gift, I, DR, wrote 114 books, R 123300/N21. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
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This War and History Fiction, a chapter in the book Rise from the Fall, speaks about the long night, Colton must now deal with Becka; well said, well done, thanks 4 sharing this and nice reviewing this legible post on white background, post more, fast, time is limited, precious, rare (good) gift, I, DR, wrote 114 books, R 123300/N21. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 23-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
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Thank you Alcreator Litt Dear.
