The Ascent
A Sestina about climbing and nature22 total reviews
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
The Ascent
by JLR
Hello, Jim,
Lovely Sestina about climbing and nature.
Great imagery from the mountain top of the beautiful view and eagle. You used sensory of sound and sight and touch effectively. The imminent danger of our ecosystem is a real threat.
Well done!
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2021
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The Ascent
by JLR
Hello, Jim,
Lovely Sestina about climbing and nature.
Great imagery from the mountain top of the beautiful view and eagle. You used sensory of sound and sight and touch effectively. The imminent danger of our ecosystem is a real threat.
Well done!
Comment Written 21-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2021
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Thank you Gypsy Rose Blue 🌹
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
This poem has made me realise how much I'm missing just sitting here writing. I want to see and feel those things again. And I will before ... my time runs out. There is so much beauty out there, and so much life! We must look after it before it disappears. I really enjoyed reading your poem and it has pushed me into doing something about it. Well done! :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2021
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This poem has made me realise how much I'm missing just sitting here writing. I want to see and feel those things again. And I will before ... my time runs out. There is so much beauty out there, and so much life! We must look after it before it disappears. I really enjoyed reading your poem and it has pushed me into doing something about it. Well done! :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 21-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2021
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Sandra that is so validating, as my achy old body cringes as I awaken each day I do know I must, in my case go swim. I look so forward to warmer days so I can go walk, We live very near Carl Sandburg State park and the trails are so inviting.
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We have the beautiful New Forest, near me, (South of England) and some gorgeous walks in the Test Valley. I'm sure yours are spectacular though, we don't have the mountains. But, there are so many beautiful places to see, and I'm with you on the swimming. With one new knee and the other going fast, my walking distances are that long. :(
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Oh, it sounds just grand! My travels to your country although limited, have always seemed to pull me north and west up toward Wales. Perhaps U might be given one more trip and go south.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Hello Jim,
I enjoyed this poem very much. The images of the views and vistas it conjoured up were very vivid, and the sad reflection on the state of mankind is timely.
As you know, I'm not the expert poet, but as I read I stumbled a few times. Perhaps you might want to know where:
For your consideration:
I fear over time will lose sight > ? grammar problem (but I realize you are hapered by syllable count. Perhaps I'll instead of will?
ignorant to not value > ? word order. Perhaps invert to give not to value
Sprinkles of light rain begins > ? grammar. Sprinkles / begin or Sprinkle
/ begins
All the best Katherine
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2021
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Hello Jim,
I enjoyed this poem very much. The images of the views and vistas it conjoured up were very vivid, and the sad reflection on the state of mankind is timely.
As you know, I'm not the expert poet, but as I read I stumbled a few times. Perhaps you might want to know where:
For your consideration:
I fear over time will lose sight > ? grammar problem (but I realize you are hapered by syllable count. Perhaps I'll instead of will?
ignorant to not value > ? word order. Perhaps invert to give not to value
Sprinkles of light rain begins > ? grammar. Sprinkles / begin or Sprinkle
/ begins
All the best Katherine
Comment Written 20-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2021
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Katherine, you are always a kind Saint in offering just the right amount of positive and correct suggestions to help me attempt to grow in my writing skill. Thank you! 🙏
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
I've never been to the mountains like this. I've driven through some of them for a short time. But I've never breathed them in. It's definitely on my bucket list after reading this. Great job.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2021
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I've never been to the mountains like this. I've driven through some of them for a short time. But I've never breathed them in. It's definitely on my bucket list after reading this. Great job.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2021
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Thank you, that is very cool!
Comment from E. Denison
Wow - this is an excellent introduction into the sestina. Thank you for providing such detailed notes, as this allowed me to appreciate the style and your poem even more. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2021
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Wow - this is an excellent introduction into the sestina. Thank you for providing such detailed notes, as this allowed me to appreciate the style and your poem even more. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2021
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Thank you very much.
Comment from GregoryCody
Uhhh I'm BLOWN AWAY. For one this is a Very tough form. BUT you actually did it so well and unforced, that I didn't even know until the end. Your form I'd flawless from what I can see, and wow your words are Fantastic.
Falling into blissful slumber I dreamt of outings like these.
I want to shout and hear my echo's refrain from fertile mountain top.
Love this.
Elizabeth Emerald sent me ;)
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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Uhhh I'm BLOWN AWAY. For one this is a Very tough form. BUT you actually did it so well and unforced, that I didn't even know until the end. Your form I'd flawless from what I can see, and wow your words are Fantastic.
Falling into blissful slumber I dreamt of outings like these.
I want to shout and hear my echo's refrain from fertile mountain top.
Love this.
Elizabeth Emerald sent me ;)
Comment Written 20-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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Thanks so much! I am very grateful for the validation on this poetic presentation. I stumbled across this form on shadow poetry and it beckoned me give it a try.
Comment from Mastery
Thank you so much for sharing this, Jim. It is an intriguing piece to say the least: It's difficult to pick a favorite part, my friend.
"With mist rising from below,
a break from the glaring sun and a gentle breeze are gifts.
What more could or should one expect that would top these
events that unfold to display any Mother's Natures better day.
As each of us have come at last, in our bond, to breathe in the air,
climbing the pinnacle, the top!"
Bless you, Bob
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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Thank you so much for sharing this, Jim. It is an intriguing piece to say the least: It's difficult to pick a favorite part, my friend.
"With mist rising from below,
a break from the glaring sun and a gentle breeze are gifts.
What more could or should one expect that would top these
events that unfold to display any Mother's Natures better day.
As each of us have come at last, in our bond, to breathe in the air,
climbing the pinnacle, the top!"
Bless you, Bob
Comment Written 20-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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Hi ho my good friend. I hope spring is peeking through up around the great lakes. Jim
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Nope. 2 feet of snow is in the way unfortunately. LOL Bob
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
I think we should not think climbing a mountain should be considered a challenge. It is more of understanding nature. Enjoy the challenge and enjoy the view and fresh air to your heat's content! I don't know the technicalities of writing a poem. There are so many forms. I just enjoyed reading this well-written poem. Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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I think we should not think climbing a mountain should be considered a challenge. It is more of understanding nature. Enjoy the challenge and enjoy the view and fresh air to your heat's content! I don't know the technicalities of writing a poem. There are so many forms. I just enjoyed reading this well-written poem. Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 20-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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I agree fully, it is al about being at One with the Divine's creations and truly seeing it!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I couldn't hear any melody here or see he pattern, but I can see that you have spent sometime on this poem's structure. It reads like a free-write.
I adored the sentiment of going outdoors and enjoying the nature which is free and joyful.
I struggled with this line:
"At times I fear over time will lose sight of all of these."
Maybe:
(I fear over time we will lose sight of all these)
Love Dolly x
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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I couldn't hear any melody here or see he pattern, but I can see that you have spent sometime on this poem's structure. It reads like a free-write.
I adored the sentiment of going outdoors and enjoying the nature which is free and joyful.
I struggled with this line:
"At times I fear over time will lose sight of all of these."
Maybe:
(I fear over time we will lose sight of all these)
Love Dolly x
Comment Written 20-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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Good day Dolly! Thanks for the suggestion on this line. With the poem on shadowpoetry.com that I used as the template. I found no distinguishable meter. I then did approach this as a Free Verse write. I have had some conversation with Mrs. K. T. (Diane) and she has some Sestinas that she wrote sometime back, So I will be looking at hers to see of meter is employed.
Comment from tfawcus
I have tried the Sestina a couple of times and know how fiendishly difficult it can be to keep the flow of sense while adhering to the rigours of the scheme. I applaud this one of yours, for the content is so cohesive that the form becomes secondary and almost imperceptible. True artistry, I think.
Clearly, this is worth a sixth star.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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I have tried the Sestina a couple of times and know how fiendishly difficult it can be to keep the flow of sense while adhering to the rigours of the scheme. I applaud this one of yours, for the content is so cohesive that the form becomes secondary and almost imperceptible. True artistry, I think.
Clearly, this is worth a sixth star.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
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Tony, I am honored for the virtual six, my friend. I stumbled across this on shadowpoetry.com. I read it and was hooked. Since I lean toward free verse it did help. The devil is on developing the first template.
