Sleep Tight - part four
Don't let the...16 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Thanks for the update for those, like me, who've missed the first few chapters. Sean sounds like he has got some interesting times ahead. Great storytelling and, as always, no wasted words. Enjoyed it,
cheers.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2021
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Thanks for the update for those, like me, who've missed the first few chapters. Sean sounds like he has got some interesting times ahead. Great storytelling and, as always, no wasted words. Enjoyed it,
cheers.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2021
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Many thanks for checking this instalment out. G
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
You tease us with your short installment. I want to read more... There are so many questions left out here to us, and we beg to learn more.
Your writing is engaging and the story interesting. I truly can't wait for the next part of your story,
Take care,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2021
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You tease us with your short installment. I want to read more... There are so many questions left out here to us, and we beg to learn more.
Your writing is engaging and the story interesting. I truly can't wait for the next part of your story,
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment Written 20-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2021
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I'm not sure this is the right venue for this story. readership has tailed away off whereas I have it on another writing site and it's going down really well. i fear my time here may be coming to an end. lol
Comment from dmt1967
This is another great chapter. I am starting to get a feel for the main character. He is a hothead but loves his kids. I'm thinking, what made him like that? Did he go to jail for a crime he didn't commit? Maybe, David committed the crime and framed him so he could have the wife. Maybe... As I said, great chapter. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2021
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This is another great chapter. I am starting to get a feel for the main character. He is a hothead but loves his kids. I'm thinking, what made him like that? Did he go to jail for a crime he didn't commit? Maybe, David committed the crime and framed him so he could have the wife. Maybe... As I said, great chapter. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2021
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Many thanks for your thoughts on this one. All the best G
Comment from w.j.debi
Great job keeping the suspense going. Sean seems determined to get back on track with his kids so he hopes David will listen for five minutes. Looks like he will get a chance. But what is going on back at his own digs? WhT is with the bed, or is it just the mattress? Hmmmm.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2021
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Great job keeping the suspense going. Sean seems determined to get back on track with his kids so he hopes David will listen for five minutes. Looks like he will get a chance. But what is going on back at his own digs? WhT is with the bed, or is it just the mattress? Hmmmm.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2021
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I just make this stuff up as I go along... or do I. lol G
Comment from Ric Myworld
This is the kind of story that will hit home for many, making them want to avoid the mirror that shows every flaw bigger than on a movie screen. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2021
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This is the kind of story that will hit home for many, making them want to avoid the mirror that shows every flaw bigger than on a movie screen. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2021
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Much appreciated, Ric. G
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Poor Sean, but I have to say that something good may come of it. He is thinking about his future and his children and wants to make amends. But still I want to know what is biting him. Well done as always sir,
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2021
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Poor Sean, but I have to say that something good may come of it. He is thinking about his future and his children and wants to make amends. But still I want to know what is biting him. Well done as always sir,
Comment Written 14-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2021
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Much appreciated, as always. G
Comment from Jay Squires
It's good to get back with your writing, Gareth. I had a little problem below, nothing major.
when he awoke later that morning his neck was stiff, and the ceiling was still there. [I like that.]
I'm having a little trouble with scene-placement. He's outside a building, hoping to see David whom he hopes to intercept on his way to the coffee shop. David arrives and is going to allow him 5 minutes to see the kids. He says, "Come on," but are they walking in the rain to Sean's former home? It leaves me in sort of a fog. I think you need a little more feeling of setting. Then again, if might just be me, since I'm getting in on this in the middle.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2021
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It's good to get back with your writing, Gareth. I had a little problem below, nothing major.
when he awoke later that morning his neck was stiff, and the ceiling was still there. [I like that.]
I'm having a little trouble with scene-placement. He's outside a building, hoping to see David whom he hopes to intercept on his way to the coffee shop. David arrives and is going to allow him 5 minutes to see the kids. He says, "Come on," but are they walking in the rain to Sean's former home? It leaves me in sort of a fog. I think you need a little more feeling of setting. Then again, if might just be me, since I'm getting in on this in the middle.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2021
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They're just going to discuss it during David's lunch break. Many thanks Jay. G
Comment from royowen
I know how Shaun, I adore my girls, I could not stand to be alienated from them, but kids are drawn to their biological parents, and can be forgiven, whereas stepfathers/mother have to earn affection. Well done G, great episode, blessings Roy
Typo : rekindle his relationship with his daughter(')s. 2 and
(Shaum)became...Shaun.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2021
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I know how Shaun, I adore my girls, I could not stand to be alienated from them, but kids are drawn to their biological parents, and can be forgiven, whereas stepfathers/mother have to earn affection. Well done G, great episode, blessings Roy
Typo : rekindle his relationship with his daughter(')s. 2 and
(Shaum)became...Shaun.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2021
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Much appreciated, Roy, especially for the catch. G
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Welcome
Comment from kmoss
I enjoyed part four. I like how you kept it all "normal." No strange events but Sean's still wondering WTF.
How many parts do you plan on having for this story? It's such a tease, good idea to keep people interested!
Shouldn't this be installment?: end of previous instalment -
Typo here: For a moment or two, nothing happened, and Seam became dimly aware
Shouldn't this be ridiculousness? of the ridiculous of his situation
If his eyes were closed, he couldn't be staring at the ceiling also: Leaving the light on, he closed his eyes and stared at the ceiling.
I really like this line: Following a shower in tepid water, accompanied by the banging pipe orchestra,
I don't understand this:the high street? The high street teemed with life as Sean lent against a lamppost
Typo: especially with the restraining order.. Thankfully, the order
I had to Google usurped, a word I wasn't familiar with.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2021
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I enjoyed part four. I like how you kept it all "normal." No strange events but Sean's still wondering WTF.
How many parts do you plan on having for this story? It's such a tease, good idea to keep people interested!
Shouldn't this be installment?: end of previous instalment -
Typo here: For a moment or two, nothing happened, and Seam became dimly aware
Shouldn't this be ridiculousness? of the ridiculous of his situation
If his eyes were closed, he couldn't be staring at the ceiling also: Leaving the light on, he closed his eyes and stared at the ceiling.
I really like this line: Following a shower in tepid water, accompanied by the banging pipe orchestra,
I don't understand this:the high street? The high street teemed with life as Sean lent against a lamppost
Typo: especially with the restraining order.. Thankfully, the order
I had to Google usurped, a word I wasn't familiar with.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2021
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I'm not entirely sure how many parts there are. I'd have to check. lol
I write a lot of my pieces in a serialised way, many ending with the hook/cliff hanger. Like the old tv serials.
Instalment is spelt with only one 'l'.
The high street in the UK would probably be the equivalent of Main Street in US? I'm guessing here. it's the road where most of the shops/businesses would be.
Many thanks
G
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I still see installment as being with two L?s. Lol
Ok, so we wouldn?t say the Main Street over here, we would just say Main Street.
Hurry up with the next part! Lol
Comment from amada
A very sorrowful and convulated character, this Sean person. The story is very good, just sometimes it feels strange, or maybe too close. Great details that helped this reader.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2021
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A very sorrowful and convulated character, this Sean person. The story is very good, just sometimes it feels strange, or maybe too close. Great details that helped this reader.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2021
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Many thanks. G
