Comment from Bill Schott

Excellent

Hi Ulla.

I have a lot of feedback for this story, so hold on to your hat.

...sheets getting clammy and (crumpled) under my...

A round thing(,) like a ball(,) kept...

(You used BREATH a lot so I suggest this fix)

"I will suck out your (air) and leave you breathless and weak. I will relish (xx) your agony and sit back in glee when I see you (take) your last inhalation.(")

It is just that you are there (xxx) for my taking.

You were raised to believe that you could conquer and win against any enemy, (weren't) you?"

...looked at the monster hovering next (to) me.

All I do is (xx) look after my family.

I'm guessing this is a person suffering with COVID-19 and dying from the ultimate respiratory failure. If that's so, I think some more clues to that end are needed.

Hope you are safe and well.

 Comment Written 26-Jan-2021

---

reply by the author on 28-Jan-2021

Thanks a lot, Bill, and I so appreciate your input. I have indeed, made the edits. I have otherwise left it as it is as no one else seemed to have difficulty what it was about. Thanks for all your help. Ulla:)))

Comment from Poetic Friend

Excellent

Ulla,

What a marvelous entry for this contest! It definitely has the potential to win.

During this pandemic, most readers would think that monstrous ball, which you written descriptively and creatively, is the COVID virus -- a realistic horror. You keep your reader in suspense.

Thank you for sharing

 Comment Written 24-Jan-2021

---

reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021

Thank you so much. I'm so glad that you liked it. Ulla:)))

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I enjoyed reading your contest entry. I have read a few entries for this contest this morning and there are some tough entries to beat. It'll be hard. I will wish you the best of luck.

 Comment Written 24-Jan-2021

---

reply by the author on 26-Jan-2021

Thanks a lot, Barbara. I'm glad yo liked it. Ulla:)))

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

I believe this person was hallucinating, near the end of life, because of covid-19. You did a good job, Ulla. I like the way you personified it as the monster it is. Thanks for sharing and best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan

 Comment Written 23-Jan-2021

---

reply by the author on 26-Jan-2021

Thanks a lot Jan. I'm so glad you liked it. Much appreciated. Ulla:)))

Comment from estory

Exceptional

This was short, but intense. Probably some of the best writing you have done so far that I've read. The horror of the coronavirus, its insiduous sinister nature, comes through in vivid terms here. I think having it talk and be so ambivilent, so overlooking of suffering, so focused on its own survival, at the expense of ours, really painted not only an accurate picture, but a really horrific one at that. The way it just rolls in, its tentacles extended, reaching for you, is just precious. Its amazing how you made the virus come alive and speak to us, articulating its horrible intent for humanity. I loved the bit about how it sweeps aside courage, morality, dismisses the better angles of our nature. Super job with this little chapter. estory

 Comment Written 23-Jan-2021

---

reply by the author on 26-Jan-2021

Wow, thank you so very much, estory. I'm so glad you liked it. What a lovely surprise. Ulla:)))

Comment from Aaqib Naeem

Excellent

This sounds like Covid to me! The way it doesn't discriminate(you misspelled it in the story)
can happen to a mechanic or literally anyone rich or poor and will leave you breathless and weak at the end of the day, i.e. if it doesn't kill you first.

A really good and creepy horror story and I like the way the enemy is taunting mankind here. Well written and well thought out as well.
Best wishes for the contest!

 Comment Written 23-Jan-2021

---

reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021

Thank you so much, Aagip, and for pointing out my mistake. I've now corrected. Yes, it is the covid, of course. Our big enemy at the moment. Thanks again. Ulla:)))

Comment from RodG

Excellent

This flash fiction follows a classic formula plot of HORROR fiction--the hapless victim being tortured to death by a remorseless alien. You urge our imaginations to visualize the villain.

 Comment Written 23-Jan-2021

---

reply by the author on 28-Jan-2021

Thank you so very much. I so appreciate it. Ulla:)))

Comment from Roxanna Andrews

Excellent

Oh my. This sounds terrible. Though I think I have had it happen to me when I get a ball of phlegm caught in my throat. =] Well done as always my dear. Lots of great description of the suffers agony. They could make a movie from it. Yuck. Hope you do well in the contest. =]

 Comment Written 23-Jan-2021

---

reply by the author on 28-Jan-2021

Thanks a lot, Roxanna. I so appreciate it. Ulla:)))

Comment from nancy_e_davis

Excellent

What a great picture for the story, Ulla.
A story about the virus taking one's breath away.
The virus is indeed the horror of the time.
Well done, my friend and good luck. Nancy:)

 Comment Written 23-Jan-2021

---

reply by the author on 28-Jan-2021

Thank you so much, Nancy. I'm so glad you liked it.Ulla:)))

Comment from Ric Myworld

Excellent

Surrounded at all times by dangerous and even horrific things that we seldom ever see before it's too late. I just read that on average, a person walks past 7 psychopaths a day. Great job! Wish I had a six.

 Comment Written 23-Jan-2021

---

reply by the author on 28-Jan-2021

Thank you so much, Ric. Your virtual six means a lot to me. Ulla:)))