Not like a Band-aid
It's hard29 total reviews
Comment from Ben B.
"I miss you too," I did. Did you mean to say "did"? Other than that this was a heartbreaking flash fiction. Honestly, it a little close to come for me. Guess you had similar experience.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2020
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"I miss you too," I did. Did you mean to say "did"? Other than that this was a heartbreaking flash fiction. Honestly, it a little close to come for me. Guess you had similar experience.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2020
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Joanne Gill-Maddick
Nicely written romance contest entry. Sometimes you have to do what's right for you. No matter how difficult that may be. Salty tears ran across my trembling lips I stared at the familiar silouette in her bedroom window. Reluctantly I started the engine and drove away. Very nicely done.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2020
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Nicely written romance contest entry. Sometimes you have to do what's right for you. No matter how difficult that may be. Salty tears ran across my trembling lips I stared at the familiar silouette in her bedroom window. Reluctantly I started the engine and drove away. Very nicely done.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2020
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Thank you very much.
Comment from estory
You contain all the pain of the ultimate let down in this small space. You have that moment of hope at the beginning, the power of seduction in there, and then the abrupt moment of disappointment when you see the rival lover, through that sharply defined yet still obscure silhouette. I think its sharp and pointed and would make a great opening to a wider story. estory
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2020
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You contain all the pain of the ultimate let down in this small space. You have that moment of hope at the beginning, the power of seduction in there, and then the abrupt moment of disappointment when you see the rival lover, through that sharply defined yet still obscure silhouette. I think its sharp and pointed and would make a great opening to a wider story. estory
Comment Written 09-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2020
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Thank you very much.
Comment from zanya
M-m-m a lot of sentiment and mixed up feelings conveyed here as the couple teeter on the brink of something neither of them is really sure about - well portrayed
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2020
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M-m-m a lot of sentiment and mixed up feelings conveyed here as the couple teeter on the brink of something neither of them is really sure about - well portrayed
Comment Written 08-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2020
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Thank you.
Comment from Cynthia Adams1
Good story and familiar to many of us. The feelings generated from betrayal are some of the most primal there are, I think.
In terms of the story, you have shown the betrayal in an excellent way, with dialogue and then the final decision to leave. Making the decision to leave is hard but life-affirming. My hope is that you found someone later on who was worth your devotion. If not, you will.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2020
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Good story and familiar to many of us. The feelings generated from betrayal are some of the most primal there are, I think.
In terms of the story, you have shown the betrayal in an excellent way, with dialogue and then the final decision to leave. Making the decision to leave is hard but life-affirming. My hope is that you found someone later on who was worth your devotion. If not, you will.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2020
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Mastery
Good flash fiction here, Lance. I like the nuance of the conversation only to ultimately realize this is a conversation underway outside of a house. Clever stuff.
One suggestion, if I may, Lance: Eliminate the "I did" which isn't needed and instead add "I said" or "she said" to the "I love you." part for more clarity. Good luck, my friend. Bob
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2020
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Good flash fiction here, Lance. I like the nuance of the conversation only to ultimately realize this is a conversation underway outside of a house. Clever stuff.
One suggestion, if I may, Lance: Eliminate the "I did" which isn't needed and instead add "I said" or "she said" to the "I love you." part for more clarity. Good luck, my friend. Bob
Comment Written 08-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2020
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Thank you very much.
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:) Bob
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hello Lancellot, this is a good story. You fooled us by leading us along the wrong path. Clever ending in part two - 'Salty tears................... and a brilliant last line - ""Not again." Reluctantly, I started the engine and drove away." - and a true story. Well done - Good Luck in the contest. I like this entry. Regards Dorothy x
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2020
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Hello Lancellot, this is a good story. You fooled us by leading us along the wrong path. Clever ending in part two - 'Salty tears................... and a brilliant last line - ""Not again." Reluctantly, I started the engine and drove away." - and a true story. Well done - Good Luck in the contest. I like this entry. Regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 08-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2020
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You told your personal story well. There is good flow to your well-chosen words. I like the conversation and the intent. The ending was unexpected--which is good. This held my attention throughout. I believe you did the right thing by leaving.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2020
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You told your personal story well. There is good flow to your well-chosen words. I like the conversation and the intent. The ending was unexpected--which is good. This held my attention throughout. I believe you did the right thing by leaving.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 08-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2020
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Thank you very much.
Comment from L. Kalere
Well this was a real heart-tugger, especially when we know it actually happened. It's very well written, so I can't offer any suggestions. Best of luck in the contest
Linda
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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Well this was a real heart-tugger, especially when we know it actually happened. It's very well written, so I can't offer any suggestions. Best of luck in the contest
Linda
Comment Written 07-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Jay Squires
True story, that...? Sorry, friend. You have a lot more guts than I would have. To get right up in front of her house, then drive away. Wow, she had to have really hurt you the first time. Good luck with the contest, Lance.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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True story, that...? Sorry, friend. You have a lot more guts than I would have. To get right up in front of her house, then drive away. Wow, she had to have really hurt you the first time. Good luck with the contest, Lance.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2020
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Thank you. It was long time ago, when I wore a younger man's clothes.
