Hard-Boiled Times
laying it straight26 total reviews
Comment from Begin Again
Wow, this looks like a Bogart movie script grabbed right out of the early 50's. Steve fit the part well and of course, the sauciness of Miss Vanessa von Cooednutfinkovakoolname. It wouldn't have been right without her.
Nicely done! Good luck in the contest. Smiles to you!
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2021
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Wow, this looks like a Bogart movie script grabbed right out of the early 50's. Steve fit the part well and of course, the sauciness of Miss Vanessa von Cooednutfinkovakoolname. It wouldn't have been right without her.
Nicely done! Good luck in the contest. Smiles to you!
Comment Written 09-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2021
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Much appreciated. GMG
Comment from amada
Your story kept me wondering in what will be next, and at the same time laughing...especially about those photos "up there..." This is the best parody to those PI investigators, so predictable, with the dames with long legs and all. This is quality writing, I will bookmark it.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2021
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Your story kept me wondering in what will be next, and at the same time laughing...especially about those photos "up there..." This is the best parody to those PI investigators, so predictable, with the dames with long legs and all. This is quality writing, I will bookmark it.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2021
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Many thanks. GMG
Comment from phill doran
Hello to you
I can see why this is so very highly regarded. It is a great take on the passing of an age, and a genre, and you have an excellent sketch loaded with fresh expressions and material.
And great wit : "...He briefly wondered how many Cooednutfinkovakoolname's there were in the city..." / "...He pushed open the door and was hit by a wave of clean, smoke-free air..."
You could so readily expand upon this, and I encourage you to think upon those lines if you have not already: it is a great set up, Marlowe in the age of Instagram...
A great read - thanks.
I wish you well
cheers
phill
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Hello to you
I can see why this is so very highly regarded. It is a great take on the passing of an age, and a genre, and you have an excellent sketch loaded with fresh expressions and material.
And great wit : "...He briefly wondered how many Cooednutfinkovakoolname's there were in the city..." / "...He pushed open the door and was hit by a wave of clean, smoke-free air..."
You could so readily expand upon this, and I encourage you to think upon those lines if you have not already: it is a great set up, Marlowe in the age of Instagram...
A great read - thanks.
I wish you well
cheers
phill
Comment Written 12-Dec-2020
Comment from humpwhistle
Ah, poor Kestrel--the ultimate fish-eater out of water. Love the dichotomy of the classic PI faced with the digital age. Clearly, you had a lot of fun playing with the stereotypes at both ends. Well done.
Peace, Lee
"Mr Kestrel?" The voice was husky, like she'd spent all day barking and chasing cars.--nice
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Ah, poor Kestrel--the ultimate fish-eater out of water. Love the dichotomy of the classic PI faced with the digital age. Clearly, you had a lot of fun playing with the stereotypes at both ends. Well done.
Peace, Lee
"Mr Kestrel?" The voice was husky, like she'd spent all day barking and chasing cars.--nice
Comment Written 03-Nov-2020
Comment from Scarbrems
Great to read your stuff again, Gman. Had to admit, I had to read, 'cooednutfinkovacoolname' a few times before I truly got it...must be getting old. Great read, loved the bit about nobody having photos these days. Great parody. Don't we all love those old hardboiled PIs? One has to wonder if they ever really existed outside of the movies and novels.
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Great to read your stuff again, Gman. Had to admit, I had to read, 'cooednutfinkovacoolname' a few times before I truly got it...must be getting old. Great read, loved the bit about nobody having photos these days. Great parody. Don't we all love those old hardboiled PIs? One has to wonder if they ever really existed outside of the movies and novels.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2020
Comment from Cynthia Adams1
Your story kept my interest throughout. I grew up on, and still like, the old detective movies, especially Bogart. It's easier to get that old-style across in the movies than in books I think but you did good job.
I particuarly liked the parts when there was dialogue between two characters, especially Kestrel and Jasper. My favorite part of the story was when Jasper started his monologue about "Not identifying as..." It was funny. My second favorite part was the ending and Kestrel considering disco.
I think the beginning could be a little stronger, perhaps if it started with Kestrel on the phone. I think the story flowed best when he was interacting with someone else. I think that is generally true in movies too, that two character scenes are stronger than monologues. Good job.
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Your story kept my interest throughout. I grew up on, and still like, the old detective movies, especially Bogart. It's easier to get that old-style across in the movies than in books I think but you did good job.
I particuarly liked the parts when there was dialogue between two characters, especially Kestrel and Jasper. My favorite part of the story was when Jasper started his monologue about "Not identifying as..." It was funny. My second favorite part was the ending and Kestrel considering disco.
I think the beginning could be a little stronger, perhaps if it started with Kestrel on the phone. I think the story flowed best when he was interacting with someone else. I think that is generally true in movies too, that two character scenes are stronger than monologues. Good job.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2020
Comment from dmt1967
'It (fit) with the image even if it made for a strange juxtaposition for a cliched noir PI in the modern world.' (fitted)
This story made me giggle and, I thought, was very entertaining. Thank you for sharing and take care.
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'It (fit) with the image even if it made for a strange juxtaposition for a cliched noir PI in the modern world.' (fitted)
This story made me giggle and, I thought, was very entertaining. Thank you for sharing and take care.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2020
Comment from equestrik
Awe, I like this guy, Kestral. I can identify with how it feels like we become more and more irrelevant the older we get. it takes work to keep up with the technology etc. Good writing.
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Awe, I like this guy, Kestral. I can identify with how it feels like we become more and more irrelevant the older we get. it takes work to keep up with the technology etc. Good writing.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2020
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Hey there, G - missed that pen of yours! Especially the one laced with all the sarcasm (and do I detect a bit of wistfulness woven in there?) this one holds for those 'older folks' out here... but, you know, I'm not sure what would be worse: disco or the thrash metal or even the EDM some of them 'do' today - lol! ;) Poor Steve -- guess it's inevitable we all get there at some point... wink, wink! Thanx for popping in, sir -- good to hear from you! ;) Yvette
Be sure to pop back in there and correct that title tag line (laying)... ;)
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Hey there, G - missed that pen of yours! Especially the one laced with all the sarcasm (and do I detect a bit of wistfulness woven in there?) this one holds for those 'older folks' out here... but, you know, I'm not sure what would be worse: disco or the thrash metal or even the EDM some of them 'do' today - lol! ;) Poor Steve -- guess it's inevitable we all get there at some point... wink, wink! Thanx for popping in, sir -- good to hear from you! ;) Yvette
Be sure to pop back in there and correct that title tag line (laying)... ;)
Comment Written 28-Oct-2020
Comment from Father Flaps
Excellent writing here, Gareth! Actually, as I read along, it reminded me of Mastery's (Bob's) PI, Cleve Hawkins. I've been reading his new novel-in-process. You have some terrific descriptions throughout, one of Bob's specialties...
"The rain pitter-pattered off the dusty windowpane of his ground floor window, sending him in its direction."
and,
"Outside, the city was grey and dirty, like a particularly unhygienic elephant's arse."
and,
"The fingernails were painted red and long enough to spear fish."
and,
"Her smile could have sunk the Titanic."
and,
"Steve turned his back on her to gather his thoughts but mainly to hide the protuberance in his trousers."
and,
"Jasper stuck out worse than a square at a sock-hop."
and,
"Vanessa had been gone by the time he returned, like a fart in the wind."
I wondered about Steve heading across the street without any discussion of a fee. Lucky for him, Jasper wasn't a karate expert.
I enjoyed this short fiction. You could easily keep it going. Turn it into a novel.
Cheers,
Kimbob
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Excellent writing here, Gareth! Actually, as I read along, it reminded me of Mastery's (Bob's) PI, Cleve Hawkins. I've been reading his new novel-in-process. You have some terrific descriptions throughout, one of Bob's specialties...
"The rain pitter-pattered off the dusty windowpane of his ground floor window, sending him in its direction."
and,
"Outside, the city was grey and dirty, like a particularly unhygienic elephant's arse."
and,
"The fingernails were painted red and long enough to spear fish."
and,
"Her smile could have sunk the Titanic."
and,
"Steve turned his back on her to gather his thoughts but mainly to hide the protuberance in his trousers."
and,
"Jasper stuck out worse than a square at a sock-hop."
and,
"Vanessa had been gone by the time he returned, like a fart in the wind."
I wondered about Steve heading across the street without any discussion of a fee. Lucky for him, Jasper wasn't a karate expert.
I enjoyed this short fiction. You could easily keep it going. Turn it into a novel.
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 27-Oct-2020
