haiku (storm drowns desert)
a storm in the desert125 total reviews
Comment from Ekim777
A neat observation of a protective Mother Nature. Something we would all like to relate to. We have the cold, indifferent aspect of her too. A fine Haiku in the tradition of things. There is a hint of some alliteration.
-Ekim777
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014
A neat observation of a protective Mother Nature. Something we would all like to relate to. We have the cold, indifferent aspect of her too. A fine Haiku in the tradition of things. There is a hint of some alliteration.
-Ekim777
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014
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Thank you. Glad you liked it.
Comment from Hareem.S
This is a very good haiku about how a tortoise protects himself in a storm. You have made good use of alliteration in "shelters in shell". It was a pleasure to read this.
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014
This is a very good haiku about how a tortoise protects himself in a storm. You have made good use of alliteration in "shelters in shell". It was a pleasure to read this.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014
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Thank you, Hareem. Glad you liked it.
Comment from Domino 2
Very clever entry, mystery writer.
Top 's' alliteration and sounds throughout.
Very clever last line, and he doesn't have to pay rent either. :-)
Best wishes, Ray
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014
Very clever entry, mystery writer.
Top 's' alliteration and sounds throughout.
Very clever last line, and he doesn't have to pay rent either. :-)
Best wishes, Ray
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014
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Thanks, Ray. You'll have to check the prompt after the contest to see who I am.
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I will if I remember. :-)
Good luck.
Comment from Nosha17
Those beautiful creatures definitely have a built-in security system. Cute poem, with well chosen words and imagery. Enjoyable read, good luck in the contest. Faye
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014
Those beautiful creatures definitely have a built-in security system. Cute poem, with well chosen words and imagery. Enjoyable read, good luck in the contest. Faye
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014
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Thanks for reading, I appreciate it.
Comment from playinaround
Nicely done. I love the visual of the turtle all safe and warm in his shell while weathering the storm. Thank you so much for sharing this creative haiku!
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014
Nicely done. I love the visual of the turtle all safe and warm in his shell while weathering the storm. Thank you so much for sharing this creative haiku!
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014
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Glad you liked it. It's the first time I tried one.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi,
I like how you reference the turtles own safe house, on matter the pelting of the rain during the storm in the desert.
Good luck in the contest.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*-*)
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014
Hi,
I like how you reference the turtles own safe house, on matter the pelting of the rain during the storm in the desert.
Good luck in the contest.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*-*)
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014
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Thanks, Jax. I appreciate your comments and review.
Comment from lalajovanoski
"haiku (storm drowns desert as)" storm drowns desert as wise tortoise shelters in shell nature's own safe house
Haiku - Storm writing prompt entry
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014
"haiku (storm drowns desert as)" storm drowns desert as wise tortoise shelters in shell nature's own safe house
Haiku - Storm writing prompt entry
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014
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Thanks.
Comment from Liisa
Lovely haiku, thank you. Very exotic too, as here where I live we can only imagine great storms, deserts and tortoises. But what I love about writing is that one can easily write about things he hasn't seen if he has enough imagination. Liisa
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014
Lovely haiku, thank you. Very exotic too, as here where I live we can only imagine great storms, deserts and tortoises. But what I love about writing is that one can easily write about things he hasn't seen if he has enough imagination. Liisa
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014
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Just as I can only imagine snow... Although we do get it every few years. Thanks, Liisa. Appreciate your comments and review.
Comment from OLA THOMAS
This is a good thought about desert storms. Very good imagery in "storm drowns desert" and a good work in simile with the tortoise and its shell.
ola thomas
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014
This is a good thought about desert storms. Very good imagery in "storm drowns desert" and a good work in simile with the tortoise and its shell.
ola thomas
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014
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Thanks, Ola. My first haiku.
Comment from kiwisteveh
Or he could turn it upside down and use if for a boat if it really flooded! :O)
I'm always a bit surprised by enjambment like this in a haiku - is it the done thing or not? I have no idea.
In any case your poem presents a vivid image and a good satori line.
Good luck.
Steve
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014
Or he could turn it upside down and use if for a boat if it really flooded! :O)
I'm always a bit surprised by enjambment like this in a haiku - is it the done thing or not? I have no idea.
In any case your poem presents a vivid image and a good satori line.
Good luck.
Steve
Comment Written 02-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2014
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You got me, Steve. This is my first haiku. A couple of people said "take off 'as' at the end of that line" so I did. Then, someone else said, "add 'as' so the lines flow into one another", so I put it back.