Remember...
Pride won't hold you up...106 total reviews
Comment from Irish Rain
Ahhh....what a beautifully WISE poem....I needed this this morning. Love your notes too, the Statue of Liberty inscription has always touched my soul...I've often wondered, 'what happened?' When exactly did we become so selfish, when did we start shutting the door on everyone? Whatever happened to compassion? I would rather save 10,000 refuges, taking the chance that one is a terrorist, who may kill 100, than turn my back and see 10,000 die. Great poem....blessings....
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
Ahhh....what a beautifully WISE poem....I needed this this morning. Love your notes too, the Statue of Liberty inscription has always touched my soul...I've often wondered, 'what happened?' When exactly did we become so selfish, when did we start shutting the door on everyone? Whatever happened to compassion? I would rather save 10,000 refuges, taking the chance that one is a terrorist, who may kill 100, than turn my back and see 10,000 die. Great poem....blessings....
Comment Written 28-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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And a very wise review, exactly my sentiments, and your courage shines out, these qualities are what made your country great in the first place, why would anybody surrender them for the sake of shivering in one's boots, the terrorists have won if that's the case. Thanks for super review, blessings back, Roy
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Loved your poem! Have a great day!
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Most welcome
Comment from nancy_e_davis
When you're running down my county Roy, you're walking on the fightin' side of me. LOL The words to a song Roy, but you did raise my hackles a bit. It's not just the U.S. It's worldwide I fear. Sex and violence is bombarding our youth 24/7 via the media and we are letting it happen. Morals are down the tubes in all the civilized countries. Here they are trying to convince us that Aliens were our Gods. The U.S. still has many devout citizens and when push comes to shove they will show up. I guess we are safe now because for the last eight years I have not been that proud of my country due to it's leadership. I hope that will change soon. xx Nancy
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
When you're running down my county Roy, you're walking on the fightin' side of me. LOL The words to a song Roy, but you did raise my hackles a bit. It's not just the U.S. It's worldwide I fear. Sex and violence is bombarding our youth 24/7 via the media and we are letting it happen. Morals are down the tubes in all the civilized countries. Here they are trying to convince us that Aliens were our Gods. The U.S. still has many devout citizens and when push comes to shove they will show up. I guess we are safe now because for the last eight years I have not been that proud of my country due to it's leadership. I hope that will change soon. xx Nancy
Comment Written 28-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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It was never meant to offend, Nancy, America is the reigning world power, the very principles that made US great appear to have been forsaken, I love my country, but I'm not proud of some of its principles, my hope and country is Heaven I will stand only for those principles, if they are also my country's! , I'm not comparing either. You're right, the rest of the world stinks , Thanks for the great review, Nancy, blessings, Roy
Comment from L.lora
I had to read this a couple of
times to catch the meter, (my prob-LOL)
which is good and your rhymes do
work well. Your words speak a truth
that few like to hear, however--what
you speak is what it is and you did
it so well. Kudos...Lora
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
I had to read this a couple of
times to catch the meter, (my prob-LOL)
which is good and your rhymes do
work well. Your words speak a truth
that few like to hear, however--what
you speak is what it is and you did
it so well. Kudos...Lora
Comment Written 28-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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Thanks Lora, for these insightful words and great review I appreciate it, thank you I've corrected the glitch! blessings, Roy
Comment from rama devi
Second review
Most of the choppiness has to do with inserting punctuation where it is no grammatically required and not using it where it is.
Example: NO COMMA AFTER MIGHT:
yes, history proves that faith in might, will lead you to time's test.
Spag suggestions in example edit (as mentioned in reply):
Remember, God can build you up but also tear you down;
and(,) if your pride has been misplaced, you'll wear a tarnished crown.
So many erstwhile empires past(no ,) have lasted many years,
but then their pride became too rich, and laughter turned to tears.
The Mongols conquered many lands(;) for many years they ruled--
and yet were fin'lly driven back, their ardour quickly cooled.
For centuries(,) Great Britain reigned -- held lands throughout the world,
the Romans vanquished many foes,(.) i(I)n time(,) their ends unfurled.
Remember this if you wear pride,(no ,) and think your nation's best,(. or ;)
yes, history proves that faith in might,(no ,) will lead you to time's test.
The Bible says walk humbly with,(no ,) your God 'cause He promotes-
and you will find(,) if you wear pride, you'll wear waste's tattered coat.
First review
Hi dear Roy. I love the way you think. :)
Wonderful message and delivered with conviction, fine phonetics in phrasing and decent flow. The flow would be highly improved if you punctuate according to accurate prose punctuation rules. I could offer you lots of suggestions along those lines, but I'll wait to hear from you if you wish me to. Poetic license permits using punctuation however you like, but I do not think your choices serve the poem well in many lines.
Making up for the choppiness and stumbles on spag levels are:
the consistent resonance of theme and tone
the superb musicality of phonetics (like the consonance and alliteration of P in the first stanza and of C-Q-K an also F & R consonance in the second, etc.
Favorite lines:
Remember, God can build you up but also tear you down;
and if your pride has been misplaced, you'll wear a tarnished crown.
Let me know if you want feedback on spag.
Will try to revisit the site this evening...
Warmest Wishes and Blessings,
rd
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
Second review
Most of the choppiness has to do with inserting punctuation where it is no grammatically required and not using it where it is.
Example: NO COMMA AFTER MIGHT:
yes, history proves that faith in might, will lead you to time's test.
Spag suggestions in example edit (as mentioned in reply):
Remember, God can build you up but also tear you down;
and(,) if your pride has been misplaced, you'll wear a tarnished crown.
So many erstwhile empires past(no ,) have lasted many years,
but then their pride became too rich, and laughter turned to tears.
The Mongols conquered many lands(;) for many years they ruled--
and yet were fin'lly driven back, their ardour quickly cooled.
For centuries(,) Great Britain reigned -- held lands throughout the world,
the Romans vanquished many foes,(.) i(I)n time(,) their ends unfurled.
Remember this if you wear pride,(no ,) and think your nation's best,(. or ;)
yes, history proves that faith in might,(no ,) will lead you to time's test.
The Bible says walk humbly with,(no ,) your God 'cause He promotes-
and you will find(,) if you wear pride, you'll wear waste's tattered coat.
First review
Hi dear Roy. I love the way you think. :)
Wonderful message and delivered with conviction, fine phonetics in phrasing and decent flow. The flow would be highly improved if you punctuate according to accurate prose punctuation rules. I could offer you lots of suggestions along those lines, but I'll wait to hear from you if you wish me to. Poetic license permits using punctuation however you like, but I do not think your choices serve the poem well in many lines.
Making up for the choppiness and stumbles on spag levels are:
the consistent resonance of theme and tone
the superb musicality of phonetics (like the consonance and alliteration of P in the first stanza and of C-Q-K an also F & R consonance in the second, etc.
Favorite lines:
Remember, God can build you up but also tear you down;
and if your pride has been misplaced, you'll wear a tarnished crown.
Let me know if you want feedback on spag.
Will try to revisit the site this evening...
Warmest Wishes and Blessings,
rd
Comment Written 28-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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I probably need instruction in this particular case, it was originally in 8686 meter, my reading gave it flow, but then...thanks for the gracious words dear friend, and great wrap. some great critics of meter thought it OK, not complaining, just puzzled, your a person who is always constructive RD, blessings, Roy
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Ah yes, the choppiness is not about meter but punctuation. I'll make a second review so you can consider the suggestions. I'm a bit rushed today, so I'll just make a sample edit rather than explain each change. Then, if you have a question, please feel free to let me know...okay?
Blessings, rd
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Dear friend, thank you again for your concern, you are a doll, and very gracious. I've often thought of leaving out punctuation as some do, but I think it detracts from the poem, don't you? Thank you, RD, for your kindness, you're an example to us all! Your friend, Roy
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Thanks, dear Roy. I appreciate your graciousness as well! I think using or not using punctuation are both great options for different poems, for different reasons...and that includes minimal punctuation as well.
In this case, I think using it is the best option, but using it according to normal prose rules would be optimal.
In some cases, breaking those rules also serves artistic purpose and I am not against it. But, like any great master musician, it's mandatory to fully learn the rules before one can break them masterfully.
Love and Blessings, rd
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Heh heh I don't believe I'm either, but one can hope dear friend...sigh.
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:-)))
Comment from MizKat
Hi Roy,
Your poem is great as usual. Also you have found a nice picture to go with your words. I also like the what Proverbs and Jeremiah had to say. This is another wonderful piece of work from you.
Kat
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
Hi Roy,
Your poem is great as usual. Also you have found a nice picture to go with your words. I also like the what Proverbs and Jeremiah had to say. This is another wonderful piece of work from you.
Kat
Comment Written 28-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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Thanks Kat, for these insightful words and great review I appreciate it, thank you, ! blessings, Roy
Comment from jusylee72
thank you so much for your warning. I think we are in a very hard time. Especially with the United States choice for president. It is so confusing and scary.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
thank you so much for your warning. I think we are in a very hard time. Especially with the United States choice for president. It is so confusing and scary.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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Thanks for these insightful words and great review I appreciate it, thank you I've corrected the glitch! blessings, Roy
Comment from robina1978
A good photo that complements your poem perfectly. You are so right that most nations have oppressed other people. You mention some. This complements my story in a way.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
A good photo that complements your poem perfectly. You are so right that most nations have oppressed other people. You mention some. This complements my story in a way.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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Thanks Ine, for these insightful words and great review I appreciate it, thank you I've corrected the glitch! blessings, Roy
Comment from l.raven
HI Roy, I think you are right about God...He helps those who help themselves...in a good moral way...those who are humble in His eye's...not over powering...don't they to walk over God....walk with Him...so very well written my friend...xxoo Linda
I want to say thank you so much Roy for your wonderful gifts to help keep my poem up so more will see it and pray for Ian...I know Sandra and Ian are so grateful for our prayers...thank you xxoo Linda
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
HI Roy, I think you are right about God...He helps those who help themselves...in a good moral way...those who are humble in His eye's...not over powering...don't they to walk over God....walk with Him...so very well written my friend...xxoo Linda
I want to say thank you so much Roy for your wonderful gifts to help keep my poem up so more will see it and pray for Ian...I know Sandra and Ian are so grateful for our prayers...thank you xxoo Linda
Comment Written 28-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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Thanks for these insightful words and great review I appreciate it, thank you for letting me know about Sandra and Ian, ! blessings, Roy
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you are so welcome Roy...xxoo Linda
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Hello Roy,
Even before I read your author notes, my mind went to some of the speeches I've been watching on TV with respect to Trump vs Clinton for president. I believe that what you say is most true ... the U.S. isn't being faithful to its original creed. Great power can crumble as you have well conveyed to your reader via this poem.
Excellent imagery is created for your reader with the good examples you give of fallen empires. My favourite line is: "yes, history proves that faith in might, will lead you to time's test". Also loved "waste's tattered coat".
I enjoyed reading your poem, Roy!
Connie
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
Hello Roy,
Even before I read your author notes, my mind went to some of the speeches I've been watching on TV with respect to Trump vs Clinton for president. I believe that what you say is most true ... the U.S. isn't being faithful to its original creed. Great power can crumble as you have well conveyed to your reader via this poem.
Excellent imagery is created for your reader with the good examples you give of fallen empires. My favourite line is: "yes, history proves that faith in might, will lead you to time's test". Also loved "waste's tattered coat".
I enjoyed reading your poem, Roy!
Connie
Comment Written 28-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2016
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Thanks Connie, for these insightful words and great review I appreciate it, blessings, Roy
Comment from Mark Valentine
A well-written, and well-timed, reminder of our need for humility - personally and as a nation. I love the image of a "tarnished crown" - economic and military might are morally neutral. Nobody should be chanting U-S-A! only on the basis of that kind of power. It's only when that kind of powere is used in the service of love that it becomes praiseworthy.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
A well-written, and well-timed, reminder of our need for humility - personally and as a nation. I love the image of a "tarnished crown" - economic and military might are morally neutral. Nobody should be chanting U-S-A! only on the basis of that kind of power. It's only when that kind of powere is used in the service of love that it becomes praiseworthy.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
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Thanks Mark, for these insightful words and great review I appreciate it, blessings, Roy