Comment from Lynn27

Excellent

This is a well-written poem you have here. Your words captured and painted the scene as I read. The photo is a perfect match too.

Happy Writing,

Lynn

 Comment Written 28-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Thanks, Lynn - glad you enjoyed.

Steve

Comment from enitsalemap

Excellent

This paints a beautiful picture. The Haiku is a wonderful way to bring an image into focus. You have used your words to do just that. I love "Toil's glittering prize." All that work and sparkling beauty built just to catch flies. Spider webs are a little miracle.

 Comment Written 28-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Thanks, Pam.

That's how I feel, too.

Steve

Comment from mountainwriter49

Excellent

Hello Steve,

I enjoyed reading your haiku this evening. The first two lines are grammatically connected and form a concrete image in the mind of the reader. The satori line is apt.

I do have a couple of comments. What is the kigo? Also, while there are no rules against it, Alvin always cautioned us on over using 'ing' words. You've two in this short poem.

Good luck to you in the contest.

Ray

 Comment Written 28-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Thanks again, Ray. I've never formally learnt the art of the haiku, so I depend on reviewers like you to point me in the right direction. The kigo is the spider (indirectly since I only mention the web). I have checked this - it's a summer kigo, certainly acceptable for English language haiku. I've since made a note to the poem.

One other reviewer (another student of Alvin's?) has mentioned the -ing words. I will go back and see if there's any effective way to replace one or both of them.

Thanks for the good luck wishes.

Steve

Comment from foxangie123

Excellent

Wow-ah this is most creative poem you have here. This would of been perfect for that one with the picture of the web that a group had. Way to go.

 Comment Written 28-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Thanks, Angie.

Steve

Comment from Angel Lights

Excellent

Fantastic word choice, so much said in a few words.
I enjoyed the "fresh spangled webs", and glittering prize.
I've taken photos of webs after rain has clung to them, and your poem reminded me of that. I also like the image of splintering sunlight. It was quite vivid.

 Comment Written 28-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Thanks, Angel. What I really love is a whole field sparkling with thousands of little webs....

Steve

Comment from Marykelly

Excellent

The spider webs with a bit of moisture on them and the sun shining through them are beautiful in their glowing splendor. You capture that concept in your haiku with the phrase splintering sunlight, and the emotional content is the wonder the finished product creates in those lucky enough to see it.

 Comment Written 28-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Thanks, Mary - that's exactly what I wanted to convey.

Steve

Comment from Taffspride

Excellent

I think this is a great entry for the contest Steve. I really love the first line 'splintering sunlight' what an image those few words create.

And your satori is so well thought out. There is something magical about a dew covered web sparkling in the sunlight.

Great job, good luck in the contest.

Iechyd da

Ann

 Comment Written 28-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Thanks, Ann - I agree. How they ever achieve it is some sort of miracle.

Steve

Comment from humpwhistle

Exceptional

It's funny how the delicate web can still find the spotlight.
The only more engaging effect than that of the splintering sunlight when the web is dew-covered,
is when the splintering sunlight reflecting off a frost-encrusted web.

Strong alliteration, and a careful attention to word choices.

Best of luck.

Peace, Lee

 Comment Written 28-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Thanks, Lee.

The experts tell me too much alliteration is a no-no, but this is just the way it came out....

Steve

Comment from sage17611

Excellent

Nice theme for a Haiku poem. The sunlight indeed illuminates the catch in the spider's web. The poem flows nicely, and the picture displays the words nicely. Good job, good luck with the contest.

 Comment Written 28-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Thank you for the very kind words.

Steve

Comment from heyjude

Excellent

What a great entry for the haiku poetry contest. Yes,
that sunlight will make that prize of the web stand out
and glitter for all to see. Poor victim of the web.

 Comment Written 28-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Thanks, Jude. Glad you enjoyed.

Steve