Steve's Story-Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Brief History of the Old Testament"A collection of my poems
90 total reviews
Comment from WilliamDeen
Very nice work. You got a lot in to what is a short piece compared to the original! Might want to use this one in a Sunday school class. It's the Reader's Digest Condensed version.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Very nice work. You got a lot in to what is a short piece compared to the original! Might want to use this one in a Sunday school class. It's the Reader's Digest Condensed version.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Thank you - I believe it's already heading for a Sunday School class!
Comment from Rose Hearth
I read this to some local kids. They said basically "This makes more sense than Miss Christy (the Sunday school teacher)!" I hope I didn't get us both in trouble! It was just so 'to the point' and in a language that is easy to understand. Also, rhymes have been proven to be most useful to get children to remember things. Adults too. Good job.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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I read this to some local kids. They said basically "This makes more sense than Miss Christy (the Sunday school teacher)!" I hope I didn't get us both in trouble! It was just so 'to the point' and in a language that is easy to understand. Also, rhymes have been proven to be most useful to get children to remember things. Adults too. Good job.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Well, I've not received any 'offended' reviews, and I've already had one request to use it in Sunday School, so it's passed some sort of test. Thank you for the trial run - I didn't write it for children, but I can see it being used at that level - with appropriate illustrations it might even make it as a book...
Comment from Chrisfiore
Hey kiwisteveh,
What a cool way to condense Bible history! I liked the way your rhyme scheme maintained throughout and yet did not detract from the simple flow of God's written word. An excellent way to recall key points in mankind's early history. Very well done!
Chrisfiore
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Hey kiwisteveh,
What a cool way to condense Bible history! I liked the way your rhyme scheme maintained throughout and yet did not detract from the simple flow of God's written word. An excellent way to recall key points in mankind's early history. Very well done!
Chrisfiore
Comment Written 20-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Thank you for your kind words - I learnt a lot, and then had to leave most of it out!
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
An excellent synopsis of the story of creation told in a semi-humerous way.
Excellent use of rhythm and rhyme as a memory aid too.
It would work great as a Sunday school teaching aid!
Juliette
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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An excellent synopsis of the story of creation told in a semi-humerous way.
Excellent use of rhythm and rhyme as a memory aid too.
It would work great as a Sunday school teaching aid!
Juliette
Comment Written 20-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Thank you for your kind words - I learnt a lot, and then had to leave most of it out! Yes, a number of people have suggested the Sunday School connection and one lady has already requested permission to use it in her class...
Comment from Alan K Pease
You do so well for the Old Testament putting the sorrows and glories of man into the context of rhyme in time covering the highlights of man and Gods presence on this poorly used planet.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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You do so well for the Old Testament putting the sorrows and glories of man into the context of rhyme in time covering the highlights of man and Gods presence on this poorly used planet.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Thank you for your kind words and the six stars - I learnt a lot, and then had to leave most of it out!
Comment from Kevin C
Great idea and so wonderfully written. You add a touch of humor and still retain the history of the old testament. I think this is a wonderful poem that I enjoyed so much. It certainly didn't offend.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Great idea and so wonderfully written. You add a touch of humor and still retain the history of the old testament. I think this is a wonderful poem that I enjoyed so much. It certainly didn't offend.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Thank you for your kind words - I learnt a lot, and then had to leave most of it out!
Comment from Writingfundimension
This reminds me a little of something Garrison Keillor might come up with. Just a delightful biblical romp, and you easily kept my interest wondering what goofy spin you would put on the 'standards'. I have to admit to liking the stanza about Goliath the best. This was so fun, I hope you'll offer more! Best wishes, Bev
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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This reminds me a little of something Garrison Keillor might come up with. Just a delightful biblical romp, and you easily kept my interest wondering what goofy spin you would put on the 'standards'. I have to admit to liking the stanza about Goliath the best. This was so fun, I hope you'll offer more! Best wishes, Bev
Comment Written 20-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Thank you for your kind words - I learnt a lot, and then had to leave most of it out!
I have to admit to needing to Google Garrison Keillor, so now I've learnt one more thing.
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You might also find him under Lake Woebegone Days. He's a humorist that does a live radio show on NPR. You are most welcome, kiwisteveh!
Comment from missy98writer
Your poem is superbly written with good in imagery. I like your effective use of alliteration and metaphor in your poem. Your poem has great rhythm and flow. I enjoyed the story your poem told from the Bible. I like this stanza: "God's Word I've shortened quite a bit To give you just the gist of it. As you can see, this 'Book' of mine Must span the words of thirty-nine." Thanks for sharing your excellent story poem.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Your poem is superbly written with good in imagery. I like your effective use of alliteration and metaphor in your poem. Your poem has great rhythm and flow. I enjoyed the story your poem told from the Bible. I like this stanza: "God's Word I've shortened quite a bit To give you just the gist of it. As you can see, this 'Book' of mine Must span the words of thirty-nine." Thanks for sharing your excellent story poem.
Melissa.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Thank you for your kind words - I learnt a lot, and then had to leave most of it out!
Comment from MS Writer
Clever rendition of the O.T. Creative and almost whimsical way of presenting the subject. Good rhyme and rhythm. You seem to have included all the highlights. Bravo.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Clever rendition of the O.T. Creative and almost whimsical way of presenting the subject. Good rhyme and rhythm. You seem to have included all the highlights. Bravo.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Thank you for your kind words - I learnt a lot, and then had to leave most of it out!
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
Well, this expertly and clever covers the whole story and shows me you have a real grasp of Bible knowledge and the history of how it's been with the rise and fall (and eventually will be with the rising again) of man. Your rhyming and meter are excellent; you have not used the slight tongue-in-cheek approach as an excuse for sloppy writing. I'm an old church lady from way back, but I see nothing but respect here for the magnificent plan of God. My best to you, Jeanie Mercer
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Well, this expertly and clever covers the whole story and shows me you have a real grasp of Bible knowledge and the history of how it's been with the rise and fall (and eventually will be with the rising again) of man. Your rhyming and meter are excellent; you have not used the slight tongue-in-cheek approach as an excuse for sloppy writing. I'm an old church lady from way back, but I see nothing but respect here for the magnificent plan of God. My best to you, Jeanie Mercer
Comment Written 20-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Thank you for your kind words - I learnt a lot, and then had to leave most of it out!