doubt-gulls
Free verse83 total reviews
Comment from barleygirl
Excellent treatment, the way you tell this story with great imagery & feeling, then at the end, we understand the gulls are picking your own bones. Great originality & alliteration: "beaks bayonet unblinking eyes" . . . & many more turns of phrase like this. The action is conveyed well, too. Thanks for sharing & good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Excellent treatment, the way you tell this story with great imagery & feeling, then at the end, we understand the gulls are picking your own bones. Great originality & alliteration: "beaks bayonet unblinking eyes" . . . & many more turns of phrase like this. The action is conveyed well, too. Thanks for sharing & good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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BG, thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from c_lucas
The ending of your well written poem came as a surprise to me. Your poem is well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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The ending of your well written poem came as a surprise to me. Your poem is well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Charlie.
Yes, the ending was supposed to shock and make the reader re-consider the whole piece.
Steve
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You're welcome, Steve. Charlie
Comment from mumsyone
I assume you're putting yourself in the place of a fish (thrashing its last) being fought over and devoured by gulls? They can be vicious when they're hunting for food. Good job with the poem and presentation.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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I assume you're putting yourself in the place of a fish (thrashing its last) being fought over and devoured by gulls? They can be vicious when they're hunting for food. Good job with the poem and presentation.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Mumsy,
There is a little more to the metaphor than this - I thought I'd given a big clue in the title....
Steve
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Sorry I didn't catch your clue. Still not sure. All I can think of is someone being in their last days and the family squabbling over who is going to get what.
Comment from Emeka13
Your ending is to me the most interesting in this gory story. The silvery prize must have been half conscious to witness the squabble over its entrails - a bit like a patient whose anaesthetic has worn off watching the doctors still cutting him up. Good description. Well written. Emeka
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Your ending is to me the most interesting in this gory story. The silvery prize must have been half conscious to witness the squabble over its entrails - a bit like a patient whose anaesthetic has worn off watching the doctors still cutting him up. Good description. Well written. Emeka
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Emeka, thanks for the kind words and the six stars.
Yes, the ending is intended to shock and make the reader re-consider the whole piece.
Steve
Comment from tony bronk
A well done self-styled free verse poem with no rhyme scheme and a perplexing theme/story which I didn't quite
follow.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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A well done self-styled free verse poem with no rhyme scheme and a perplexing theme/story which I didn't quite
follow.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Tony, thanks for the review and for being honest enough to say you didn't get it - that happens to me all the time - sometimes it's my own fault for being dense and sometimes the fault of the poet for being overly cryptic.
Here I thought I had given a strong clue in the title but many readers were confused. The gulls represent self-doubt which tears at your self-confidence, eventually destroying you and eating you alive.
Steve
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Don't ever tell me that you are dense, again. Okay?
Comment from Laiba Naz
You have written a nice little poem which is describing your topic well but by adding some more beauty to it you can make it more interesting.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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You have written a nice little poem which is describing your topic well but by adding some more beauty to it you can make it more interesting.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Thank you.
Not everything important and 'poem-worthy' is beautiful...
Steve
Comment from BLACKDYKE
Ghostly and appealing at the same
time kiwi' There is a rhythm there
somewhere and I find it quite
easily. I think I like the presentation
yet feel it would benefit from some
tidying. Even so I like the work.
And I too will give it a sixer. Eric
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Ghostly and appealing at the same
time kiwi' There is a rhythm there
somewhere and I find it quite
easily. I think I like the presentation
yet feel it would benefit from some
tidying. Even so I like the work.
And I too will give it a sixer. Eric
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Eric, thanks for the kind words and the sixer. I know the presentation is not everyone's cup of tea and it's not usually mine either, but I was experimenting with the free verse and at the same time trying to give the appearance of gulls...
Steve
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You made a good job of it. My pleasure
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
A good free verse, written as personification of the fish. Nice description of the seagulls swooping down to 'the silvery prize' - the writer tells the story but it is only at the end that we detect the personification of the fish. It is not personified until the very end - up till then you write in the third person. Nevertheless a lovely descriptive piece. Good luck in the contest. Regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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A good free verse, written as personification of the fish. Nice description of the seagulls swooping down to 'the silvery prize' - the writer tells the story but it is only at the end that we detect the personification of the fish. It is not personified until the very end - up till then you write in the third person. Nevertheless a lovely descriptive piece. Good luck in the contest. Regards Dorothy
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Dorothy.
yes, the ending is intended to shock the reader and make her re-consider the whole poem - perhaps to see that the metaphor is more than just a personification of a fish. Here, the gulls, as hinted at in the title, represent doubts that destroy someone's confidence and eat him alive.
Steve
Comment from michaelcahill
Wow. Spectacular metaphor for doubt. Love the structure of this and the amazing word choice as the gulls descend to their prey laid out helpless and unable to move just as we are when guilt paralyzes us. And finally we suffer as it eats away at us and horror of horrors, we witness it because we aren't dead. I didn't even know you wrote free verse, but I do now!! mikey
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Wow. Spectacular metaphor for doubt. Love the structure of this and the amazing word choice as the gulls descend to their prey laid out helpless and unable to move just as we are when guilt paralyzes us. And finally we suffer as it eats away at us and horror of horrors, we witness it because we aren't dead. I didn't even know you wrote free verse, but I do now!! mikey
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Mikey, thanks for the great review and the six stars.
Also for getting the poem! Put yourself in the top of the class with the one in ten who actually noticed the title!
You are right, I seldom venture into free verse and when I do I usually suck - maybe I'm getting better...
Steve
Comment from royowen
I don't think i've had the privilege of reading a poem quite as starkly graphic as this one! I'm trying to work out how the victim could still hear the gulls squabbling over his/her entrails! But seriously a very well written piece, the narrative flows well off the pen and the the descriptive language is outstanding. Well done. Roy.
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reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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I don't think i've had the privilege of reading a poem quite as starkly graphic as this one! I'm trying to work out how the victim could still hear the gulls squabbling over his/her entrails! But seriously a very well written piece, the narrative flows well off the pen and the the descriptive language is outstanding. Well done. Roy.
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Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Roy.
I think the answer to your question is to not take this too literally.
Here the gulls represent self-doubt which can eat someone alive...
Steve
