Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Chapter 4 part two"Can love survive small town gossip?
78 total reviews
Comment from cooljules
I love how you intersperse the female characters' thoughts with the dialogue and actions. Sara's realistic thoughts reveal her insecurities about relationships that we can all relate to. The characters are interesting and have complex backgrounds that makes me want to find out more about them and the story.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2010
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I love how you intersperse the female characters' thoughts with the dialogue and actions. Sara's realistic thoughts reveal her insecurities about relationships that we can all relate to. The characters are interesting and have complex backgrounds that makes me want to find out more about them and the story.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Thesis
I admire Joe. He's a squared away guy. He knows what he wants, can protect her, and give her the love she needs.
The test will be, if he can get Sara to let down her defenses, to let him love her. I like how you're working on that. - John
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2010
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I admire Joe. He's a squared away guy. He knows what he wants, can protect her, and give her the love she needs.
The test will be, if he can get Sara to let down her defenses, to let him love her. I like how you're working on that. - John
Comment Written 04-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and realizing that part of the reason Joe is revealing so much of himself it to help Sara let down her defenses. One of my reviewers was suspicious of his m motives.
Comment from Nicnac
If she is dumb enough to give him walking papers - I'll be there to console him. LOL
Another fabulous chapter, Barbara. I am truly loving this story.
Darn, he knows.<-- cracked me up!
Suggestion:
"Falling in love.(,)" he interrupted.
Well written chapter. I can't wait to read more of this sweet relationship.
I hope you are taking it easy - rest when you can.
Love,
Nic
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2010
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If she is dumb enough to give him walking papers - I'll be there to console him. LOL
Another fabulous chapter, Barbara. I am truly loving this story.
Darn, he knows.<-- cracked me up!
Suggestion:
"Falling in love.(,)" he interrupted.
Well written chapter. I can't wait to read more of this sweet relationship.
I hope you are taking it easy - rest when you can.
Love,
Nic
Comment Written 04-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2010
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I am falling in talking it easy, but trying to learn my lessons. Hey were do I find out what a standard member is? I got a four on this post because she said it doesn't flow, but no suggestions. She is younger than Steven.
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Standard members are people who have not paid to be on the site. They cant post work, but can review. Hmm... There used to be a way to block standard members from reviewing your work - but I can't find it. I'll ask around and see if anyone knows.
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I tried a few things to fix that, but I didn't do i right so I have no idea.
Comment from klrhode2@yahoo.com
I love the characters, I have always thought that the older brother's bestfriend and little sister relationship was interesting and alot of authors use it. I don't feel qualified to give too much criticism, so I won't say much, I just feel that the story doesn't flow as well as it could in this chapter.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2010
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I love the characters, I have always thought that the older brother's bestfriend and little sister relationship was interesting and alot of authors use it. I don't feel qualified to give too much criticism, so I won't say much, I just feel that the story doesn't flow as well as it could in this chapter.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2010
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I am not sure what doesn't flow. Could you give me details, please? I would gladly make the corrects if I knew what to make. This is not your typical romance. I doubt you will read anything like it anywhere else. Thank you for your review.
Comment from GoodieMama
I enjoyed this because I can imagine the characters as I was reading it. The greatest gift of novelist can give to its readers is having the ability to make the reader get lost in the story. You've done that so excellent work.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2010
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I enjoyed this because I can imagine the characters as I was reading it. The greatest gift of novelist can give to its readers is having the ability to make the reader get lost in the story. You've done that so excellent work.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Dave-Aranda-Richards
Thoroughly enjoyed the entire narrative. Only suggestion is to have more conflict besides the small print. I love pieces which do not use superlative words. Mostly I enjoyed the continuing back story incorporated into the narrative. Good job!
Dave
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2010
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Thoroughly enjoyed the entire narrative. Only suggestion is to have more conflict besides the small print. I love pieces which do not use superlative words. Mostly I enjoyed the continuing back story incorporated into the narrative. Good job!
Dave
Comment Written 04-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. This is and the next post are mainly building chapters. There will be plenty of action, but I need to build up to it and make sure there's a decent relationship between Joe and Sara.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Barbara,
You know how much I love this story and this chapter is no exception. Your imagery and descriptions of Sara and Joe are excellent. I always feel as if I am standing beside them when I read your words. Don't try to do too much all at once. I know it must make you tired and none of us want that. Be well, dear-heart. Blessings, chey
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2010
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Hi Barbara,
You know how much I love this story and this chapter is no exception. Your imagery and descriptions of Sara and Joe are excellent. I always feel as if I am standing beside them when I read your words. Don't try to do too much all at once. I know it must make you tired and none of us want that. Be well, dear-heart. Blessings, chey
Comment Written 04-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your well wishes. I have already had some issues with trying to do to much. I appreciate your review and continued support.
Comment from FredCollingwood
You've got me very curious, now. Excellent writing as always. Minor comments:
He's been a perfect gentlemen. > gentleman
I was(;) no sex or alcohol. > A semicolon is used to join independent clauses. Suggest you try something else, depending on how you want it to read.
"You didn't need to share that with me." > I agree. Why would he go into his sexual past? I don't know where you're going with this, but his doing that would throw up a huge red flag.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2010
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You've got me very curious, now. Excellent writing as always. Minor comments:
He's been a perfect gentlemen. > gentleman
I was(;) no sex or alcohol. > A semicolon is used to join independent clauses. Suggest you try something else, depending on how you want it to read.
"You didn't need to share that with me." > I agree. Why would he go into his sexual past? I don't know where you're going with this, but his doing that would throw up a huge red flag.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2010
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I will make the changes. Thank you for your review and your support. I have, I hope, an interesting twist coming in a few chapters.
Comment from jmdg1954
As I mentioned in my last review, I never read a romance novel, yet I look for and look forward to each new post. You have charectorized Joe and Sara exceptionally and the dialogue is authentic, not clouded. I still look for a hammer to drop, I guess thats just me. Keep up the great work!
John
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2010
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As I mentioned in my last review, I never read a romance novel, yet I look for and look forward to each new post. You have charectorized Joe and Sara exceptionally and the dialogue is authentic, not clouded. I still look for a hammer to drop, I guess thats just me. Keep up the great work!
John
Comment Written 04-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2010
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A few chapters down the road, I will have a twist. I hope you enjoy it. I appreciate your review.
Comment from Music Bob
Hi
Another great chapter that captures the imagination. It is really interesting with great dialogue and the flow is excellent.
Well done.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2010
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Hi
Another great chapter that captures the imagination. It is really interesting with great dialogue and the flow is excellent.
Well done.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and continued support.
