If I Were a Swan
a poem in rhyme and mixed meter122 total reviews
Comment from chasennov
a poem in rhyme and mixed meter 'If I Were a Swan.' The elegance of a Swan is so special, and it comes out strongly in this lovely poem you have written here, Brooke. In Western Australia, we have the Black Swan. Well done.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2014
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a poem in rhyme and mixed meter 'If I Were a Swan.' The elegance of a Swan is so special, and it comes out strongly in this lovely poem you have written here, Brooke. In Western Australia, we have the Black Swan. Well done.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2014
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Chasennov, thanks so much :-) Brooke
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A real pleasure, Brooke.
Comment from Joan E.
Oh, I can so imagine you as a long-necked, white swan! Here's to your rhymes and many more secrets!! LOL Sweet dreams my elegant swan-girlfriend- Joan
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2014
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Oh, I can so imagine you as a long-necked, white swan! Here's to your rhymes and many more secrets!! LOL Sweet dreams my elegant swan-girlfriend- Joan
Comment Written 17-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2014
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Joan, thank you so much, my friend :-) Brooke
Comment from marion
Hi adewpearl
Stunning presentation - that photo magnificent. I had to read the first stanza twice. I feel it needs some punctuation - I see you are using it in the second stanza - perhaps:
If I were a swan I'd laugh all day at crowds who gawk in wonder, and never see beneath my glide, my feet are treading water ... Not sure, but something to ease the incorrect way I read this. It gets better each time, but when you hiccup in the first instance, I believe it's worth another look!
Also:
while under the surface no one saw (sees) (it's how I feel I should read it)
the way I set my pace.
Beautiful last stanza. Beautiful.
If I am wrong about the above, please ignore.
Marion
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2014
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Hi adewpearl
Stunning presentation - that photo magnificent. I had to read the first stanza twice. I feel it needs some punctuation - I see you are using it in the second stanza - perhaps:
If I were a swan I'd laugh all day at crowds who gawk in wonder, and never see beneath my glide, my feet are treading water ... Not sure, but something to ease the incorrect way I read this. It gets better each time, but when you hiccup in the first instance, I believe it's worth another look!
Also:
while under the surface no one saw (sees) (it's how I feel I should read it)
the way I set my pace.
Beautiful last stanza. Beautiful.
If I am wrong about the above, please ignore.
Marion
Comment Written 16-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2014
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Marion, thank you so much for your thoughtful feedback - I want to keep the "under" instead of water because, to me, it emphasizes the main point that what is actually happening is going on on beneath the surface
I'll reread the sees/saw line :-) Brooke
Comment from Leineco
I can't help but laugh. . .I've seen underwater photography
of a swan's mode of locomotion and the juxtaposition of
an elegant, serene swan gliding across a mirror smooth pond
and its dangling, churning webbed feet paddling madly
just cracks me up :-)
Thanks for reminding me of how much I enjoyed watching
that film! :-)
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2014
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I can't help but laugh. . .I've seen underwater photography
of a swan's mode of locomotion and the juxtaposition of
an elegant, serene swan gliding across a mirror smooth pond
and its dangling, churning webbed feet paddling madly
just cracks me up :-)
Thanks for reminding me of how much I enjoyed watching
that film! :-)
Comment Written 16-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2014
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Leineco, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from Gargantuan2
It is something I have always wondered at, the moving of swans and ducks in water. With just their feet, they traverse what is so difficult for some people that know nothing of swimming. I love the nature poems as you know, and this one is just as good :)
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2014
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It is something I have always wondered at, the moving of swans and ducks in water. With just their feet, they traverse what is so difficult for some people that know nothing of swimming. I love the nature poems as you know, and this one is just as good :)
Comment Written 16-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2014
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Thank you, Gargantuan, for your thoughtful review :-) Brooke
Comment from Cajungirl
Swan are so very graceful and beautiful. I enjoyed the poem very much and the picture is perfect, Thank you for sharing,
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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Swan are so very graceful and beautiful. I enjoyed the poem very much and the picture is perfect, Thank you for sharing,
Comment Written 16-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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Cajungirl, thanks so much :-) Brooke
Comment from mikemagine
So amazing how easy it is to wow folks! They look at a celebrity and see no flaws! Said celeb could be a wife-beater, coke addict, perv, what-have-you, and yet...
Why do we not look UP much more often?? THERE is where the REAL "Wow!" is...When we study Creation, Nature, but especially the Creator...we attain fulfillment. We can't attain it through idolatry!
Mike
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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So amazing how easy it is to wow folks! They look at a celebrity and see no flaws! Said celeb could be a wife-beater, coke addict, perv, what-have-you, and yet...
Why do we not look UP much more often?? THERE is where the REAL "Wow!" is...When we study Creation, Nature, but especially the Creator...we attain fulfillment. We can't attain it through idolatry!
Mike
Comment Written 16-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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Mike, thank you so much :-) I truly appreciate your thoughtful comments and generous six stars. Brooke
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Sure thing, Brooke! Great one!!
Comment from angelface2
Lovely picture for a lovely poem, Brooke. NIce rhythm and rhyming. Always enjoy reading your poems, because they are so smooth. :>D Miss Sally
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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Lovely picture for a lovely poem, Brooke. NIce rhythm and rhyming. Always enjoy reading your poems, because they are so smooth. :>D Miss Sally
Comment Written 16-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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Thank you, Miss Sally, for your thoughtful review :-) Brooke
Comment from Trybuck
Where will your muse take us next
To outer space or way down under
From a roses' petal to a firefly
chasing ever eluding pixie dust
Well done as always, Buck
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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Where will your muse take us next
To outer space or way down under
From a roses' petal to a firefly
chasing ever eluding pixie dust
Well done as always, Buck
Comment Written 16-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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Buck, thank you so much, my friend :-) Brooke
Comment from l.raven
Hi Brooke, they truly are beautiful birds...so very elegant...as a kid I would go to the corner pond...they had two white Swans...I would sit and listen to my tiny radio and watch them half the day...I love your poem...and the picture beautiful...very well written...Luff Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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Hi Brooke, they truly are beautiful birds...so very elegant...as a kid I would go to the corner pond...they had two white Swans...I would sit and listen to my tiny radio and watch them half the day...I love your poem...and the picture beautiful...very well written...Luff Linda xxoo
Comment Written 16-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2014
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Thanks so much, Linda :-) Brooke
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always welcome....xxoo
