Haiku Club Challenge Multi-Author
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "haiku (at the road's bend)"A collection of haiku written by FanStory Poets
64 total reviews
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I enjoyed your poem. The picture is perfect when paired with your well-chosen words.
Your few syllables say so much in such a small space.
Good job. I know this has happened to some using GPS.
Thanks for sharing. Jan
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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I enjoyed your poem. The picture is perfect when paired with your well-chosen words.
Your few syllables say so much in such a small space.
Good job. I know this has happened to some using GPS.
Thanks for sharing. Jan
Comment Written 24-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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Yes, those GPS can cause accidents. Once, one directed me to a dead-end street! Thank you, Jan, for your review.
Comment from Oatmeal
Sis,
Well chosen words are excellent. The theme is strong. Your feelings are expressed well. Your arrangement looks very nice. The flow is smooth. The only problem I can see is that your line count is off. The top line has a count of 4 and the last line count is 5.
No other errors.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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Sis,
Well chosen words are excellent. The theme is strong. Your feelings are expressed well. Your arrangement looks very nice. The flow is smooth. The only problem I can see is that your line count is off. The top line has a count of 4 and the last line count is 5.
No other errors.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Oatmeal, for your review of my "well chosen words." Contemporary haiku writers often write haiku with fewer than the traditional 5/7/5. The American who won the grand prize in the International Haiku Contest in Japan won it with a 3/4/3 haiku. http://kusamakura-haiku.jp/backnumber/kako/back/2003/gaikokugo.html
I will continue to cut unnecessary words even at the risk of not pleasing every 5/7/5 purist. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Bucketlist
A grim situation comes to mind. There's something about speed and bends that go as a harbinger of death. I like the implied situation of your Haiku. There's not much to critique.
So thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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A grim situation comes to mind. There's something about speed and bends that go as a harbinger of death. I like the implied situation of your Haiku. There's not much to critique.
So thanks for sharing
Comment Written 24-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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Yes, Bucketlist, I implied a grim situation. Thank you for your review.
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No problem
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes my friend you have painted the scene well using this form a shattered bottle underneath a tree using 15 syllables 4/6/4 well done regards Jill
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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Yes my friend you have painted the scene well using this form a shattered bottle underneath a tree using 15 syllables 4/6/4 well done regards Jill
Comment Written 24-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Jill, for your generous review of my haiku which painted a scene.
Comment from bertranclan
Very descriptive haiku with strong imagery, all packed into compact form . It's always hard for me to do that, which is why I've only written one haiku for this website. Reminds me of when I went walking along the railroad tracks behind my house one day. Well-written.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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Very descriptive haiku with strong imagery, all packed into compact form . It's always hard for me to do that, which is why I've only written one haiku for this website. Reminds me of when I went walking along the railroad tracks behind my house one day. Well-written.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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Thank you, bertranclan, for your review of my "Very descriptive haiku with strong imagery, all packed into compact form "
Comment from Susanjohn
Ohhhh what happened here?? It doesn't sound good.... :-( But the haiku is wonderful!!! great job with the challenge!!! I enjoyed reading!! :-))) hope you have a lovely day.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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Ohhhh what happened here?? It doesn't sound good.... :-( But the haiku is wonderful!!! great job with the challenge!!! I enjoyed reading!! :-))) hope you have a lovely day.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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No, Susan, it doesn't sound good what happened here, but you can figure it out or give your own interpretation. Thank you for your review.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
I like the way you took the topic of trees, which is the theme for this series, and took a different look at it. I like the drama of it. A car crash, perhaps even violence in the city, contrasted to the solid and enduring tree.
Lovely job. Deserving of a six I ran out of on Monday. lol.
Rhonda
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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I like the way you took the topic of trees, which is the theme for this series, and took a different look at it. I like the drama of it. A car crash, perhaps even violence in the city, contrasted to the solid and enduring tree.
Lovely job. Deserving of a six I ran out of on Monday. lol.
Rhonda
Comment Written 24-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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Yes, Rhonda, I took a different look at the topic of trees by making one the setting of a dramatic incident. Thank you for your review and virtual six stars!
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Well deserved. I always like work that stands out as unique!
Comment from Grasshopper2
Andre,
Good image created by picking your words carefully and reinforced with your photo. Pines are interesting trees. They have a very long taproot but no flexibility so they snap in winds and ice. They also have a wonderful sticky sap and scent of lighter wood.
Later,
Michael
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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Andre,
Good image created by picking your words carefully and reinforced with your photo. Pines are interesting trees. They have a very long taproot but no flexibility so they snap in winds and ice. They also have a wonderful sticky sap and scent of lighter wood.
Later,
Michael
Comment Written 24-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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Yes, Michael, I picked my words carefully to create an image. Thank you for your review.
Comment from judiverse
This is almost like a detective looking at the scene of an accident. We know it happened at the road's bend. There's shattered glass, and we see the scarred tree. Glad the tree survived. Great word selection. The shattered glass sparkling is one. The poem gives a vivid impression of the scene. judi
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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This is almost like a detective looking at the scene of an accident. We know it happened at the road's bend. There's shattered glass, and we see the scarred tree. Glad the tree survived. Great word selection. The shattered glass sparkling is one. The poem gives a vivid impression of the scene. judi
Comment Written 24-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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Yes, Judi, the tree survived. I know of several scarred trees along my work route where people died. Thank you for your review.
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I was driving in heavy rain one time and my car hydroplaned and I hit a mailbox. Some stretched or road are notorious for accidents, as this was. judi
Comment from dragonpoet
The few words in this haiku give a clear image of the after math of a
car accident. The reflection of pine needled accentuate the beauty the
accident marred. Both the human and the nature aspects of the crash.
Keep writing
Joan
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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The few words in this haiku give a clear image of the after math of a
car accident. The reflection of pine needled accentuate the beauty the
accident marred. Both the human and the nature aspects of the crash.
Keep writing
Joan
Comment Written 24-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2017
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Yes, Joan, in my walks, I am always stunned by the contrast of broken auto glass with pine needles beneath scarred trees. I know of several trees where people died. These trees serve as roadside crosses for me.Thank you for your review. I will keep writing.
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Many things you see on walks can act as inspiration.
No problem, Danny.
Joan
