Twelve Little Grains of Sparkly Sand
counting rhyme in 8/6/8/6 meter119 total reviews
Comment from jmdg1954
Excellent counting poetry. I think any child reading this or being read to will have cause to giggle. I know I did.
My favorite. : Four little grains remained below
where toes trod on their heads -
one tried to duck to miss the blows
but squished 'tween toes instead.
Fun to read... John
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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Excellent counting poetry. I think any child reading this or being read to will have cause to giggle. I know I did.
My favorite. : Four little grains remained below
where toes trod on their heads -
one tried to duck to miss the blows
but squished 'tween toes instead.
Fun to read... John
Comment Written 23-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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John, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from LIJ Red
Still experimenting with the counting out theme, I see. That usually makes for an interesting read, but the picture of the sand castle is great this night of chilly drizzle.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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Still experimenting with the counting out theme, I see. That usually makes for an interesting read, but the picture of the sand castle is great this night of chilly drizzle.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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Thanks so much, LIJ - not sure why you call it an experiment - does that imply something? LOL Brooke
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Just thinking you may end up doing a countdown on everything fitting a collective noun. Definitely not untried and apt to blow up in your face experimental.
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I don't do anything where I can't make it work - there are lots of things I won't can't down LOL
Comment from Eric1
Hi Brooke, another great rendition on the ten theme, you must have done a few of these by now, I hope the intention is to do a book of them for everyone, young and old, to enjoy, I certainly enjoyed this one my friend. Greta accompanying picture of Sawyer and time long gone.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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Hi Brooke, another great rendition on the ten theme, you must have done a few of these by now, I hope the intention is to do a book of them for everyone, young and old, to enjoy, I certainly enjoyed this one my friend. Greta accompanying picture of Sawyer and time long gone.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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Eric, thank you so much - yes, I've done almost a dozen, including a couple of Christmas ones :-) Brooke
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Look forward to those Brooke.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
This was a lovely poem, Brooke. You have written a few of these now, 'Ten Lttle...' will you put them into a little separate book for Sawyer? They are all so individual and cleverly worked out, I am sure he will love them, I know I do. And what a wonderful way to learn to count! :) Sandra xsx
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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This was a lovely poem, Brooke. You have written a few of these now, 'Ten Lttle...' will you put them into a little separate book for Sawyer? They are all so individual and cleverly worked out, I am sure he will love them, I know I do. And what a wonderful way to learn to count! :) Sandra xsx
Comment Written 23-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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Sandra, thank you so much, my generous friend, and yes, I'm saving these all for Sawyer :-) Brooke
Comment from Dean Kuch
"Nine little grains seemed quite content
to make their home on shore,
but one who longed for something else
now lives on ocean's floor." -- Now, this little grain of sand was my favorite out of them all. Why, you ask? I'll tell you why, because he longed to be different, he yearned for adventure, and he went to the depths of the oceans floor to find it.
As for the remainder of your poem, it was brilliant as it always is, Brooke. It's just that little grainy guy stood out to me.
Beautifully done. :}
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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"Nine little grains seemed quite content
to make their home on shore,
but one who longed for something else
now lives on ocean's floor." -- Now, this little grain of sand was my favorite out of them all. Why, you ask? I'll tell you why, because he longed to be different, he yearned for adventure, and he went to the depths of the oceans floor to find it.
As for the remainder of your poem, it was brilliant as it always is, Brooke. It's just that little grainy guy stood out to me.
Beautifully done. :}
Comment Written 23-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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Dean, thank you so much :-) Brooke
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My pleasure, as always, Brooke. :}
Comment from Domino 2
Great photo, Brooke. I hope Sawyer built it and didn't bully it off someone else, as you say 'A sandcastle'. ;-)
I never knew grains of sand had feelings, and I'm now loathe to walk on the beach in case I hurt the little darlings. ;-)
These little guys sure are adventurous, and it seems they all survived - unlike your usual bloodthirsty writes of this nature. HAHA!
Great fun write had me smiling throughout, though I did stumble on last line's meter which seems to have a syllable too many, to me: 'swept new grains toward his home', and I couldn't help emphasising 1st syllable, in contradiction to all the other iambic lines.
Though I think abbreviations are usually distracting and best avoided, maybe on this occasion, abbreviate to ['t'ward'] as this also makes emphasising, 'new', easier, IMHO.
Best wishes, Ray xx
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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Great photo, Brooke. I hope Sawyer built it and didn't bully it off someone else, as you say 'A sandcastle'. ;-)
I never knew grains of sand had feelings, and I'm now loathe to walk on the beach in case I hurt the little darlings. ;-)
These little guys sure are adventurous, and it seems they all survived - unlike your usual bloodthirsty writes of this nature. HAHA!
Great fun write had me smiling throughout, though I did stumble on last line's meter which seems to have a syllable too many, to me: 'swept new grains toward his home', and I couldn't help emphasising 1st syllable, in contradiction to all the other iambic lines.
Though I think abbreviations are usually distracting and best avoided, maybe on this occasion, abbreviate to ['t'ward'] as this also makes emphasising, 'new', easier, IMHO.
Best wishes, Ray xx
Comment Written 23-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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The picture is several months old so he did not build it himself, but his mommy did since even daddy had a tough time making the mold for the castle work LOL
Thanks for your thoughtful feedback, Ray - since tward is the preferred and most often used pronunciation in the states, I don't abbreviate it. :-) Brooke
Comment from padumachitta
Hi Brooke. Ah, a summer memory on a foggy, cold November day:-) I am glad the last grain got more friends. And not sure it was a wise grain to run off with a crab. But, then again...how many grains come back with me? padumachitta
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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Hi Brooke. Ah, a summer memory on a foggy, cold November day:-) I am glad the last grain got more friends. And not sure it was a wise grain to run off with a crab. But, then again...how many grains come back with me? padumachitta
Comment Written 23-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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Thanks so much, Padumachitta :-) Grains of sand are not known for their intelligence. LOL Brooke
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oh geez, that would explain it:-)
Comment from Gargantuan2
It could be interesting to do a reverse of this type of poem where ten things are joined together. The constant thoughts of things departing or dying could become depressing and the reverse could be done so easily. This being said, I still love the work in this type you write so well. :)
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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It could be interesting to do a reverse of this type of poem where ten things are joined together. The constant thoughts of things departing or dying could become depressing and the reverse could be done so easily. This being said, I still love the work in this type you write so well. :)
Comment Written 23-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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Gargantuan, thank you so much :-) I've thought about counting up, just need to come up with a good topic :-) Brooke
Comment from Tomes Johnston
This is yet another interesting rendition of the ten little Indians rhyme. I love this one too. Well done yet again. I can't wait to see the next version.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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This is yet another interesting rendition of the ten little Indians rhyme. I love this one too. Well done yet again. I can't wait to see the next version.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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Tomes, thank you so much for your thoughtful review :-) Brooke
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My pleasure
Comment from kanimozhi T
Hi friend,
I like all your 10 grains of sand. Especially, the 10'th one.The picture is so nice like your poem.I really enjoy it like a child. Thanks for sharing.God bless.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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Hi friend,
I like all your 10 grains of sand. Especially, the 10'th one.The picture is so nice like your poem.I really enjoy it like a child. Thanks for sharing.God bless.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2014
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kanimozhi T, thank you so much :-) Brooke
