If I Can't Make the Shot
a swap quatrain133 total reviews
Comment from ArtGal
I'll tell you one thing about Sawyer, he's just like his Grandma, lol! He's a real go-getter! He will make that shot no matter what. He'll get a boat and plant a tree if need be. He'll quench his thirst, or find a stream. He'll find his way to the first, if last is in the game. He'll practice like his Grandma did, to make the winning score! It runs in the family, and just love this. . .Sharon
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2014
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I'll tell you one thing about Sawyer, he's just like his Grandma, lol! He's a real go-getter! He will make that shot no matter what. He'll get a boat and plant a tree if need be. He'll quench his thirst, or find a stream. He'll find his way to the first, if last is in the game. He'll practice like his Grandma did, to make the winning score! It runs in the family, and just love this. . .Sharon
Comment Written 27-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2014
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Sharon, thank you so much, my friend :-) Brooke
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You're so very welcome, dear Brooke!
Comment from emrpoems
Solid rhyming couplets
Excellent use of alliteration throughout
an enjoyable read and good children' poem
love the picture of Sawyer trying to make the shot
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2014
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Solid rhyming couplets
Excellent use of alliteration throughout
an enjoyable read and good children' poem
love the picture of Sawyer trying to make the shot
Comment Written 27-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2014
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emrpoems, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, brooke, you did an excellent job writing this swap quatrain poem about making a different way if the track you're on doesn't take you anywhere. cute picture
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2014
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this is very well written, brooke, you did an excellent job writing this swap quatrain poem about making a different way if the track you're on doesn't take you anywhere. cute picture
Comment Written 27-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2014
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sweetwoodjax, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from CR Delport
The Cute Little One sure is a busy guy. I bet it is difficult to get him to sit still for more than 5 minutes. This is a very well written poem.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2014
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The Cute Little One sure is a busy guy. I bet it is difficult to get him to sit still for more than 5 minutes. This is a very well written poem.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2014
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CR, thank you so much :-) Yep, he's always on the go. They start out with a 45 minute morning walk and end with an evening walk, every day, with all sorts of activity in between :-) Brooke
Comment from rjuselius
this is an exquisite piece of poetic art! finding a means to a end is something that you will have with a positive outlook.
thank you for sharing! wish i had 6 stars left.
rebekka x
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2014
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this is an exquisite piece of poetic art! finding a means to a end is something that you will have with a positive outlook.
thank you for sharing! wish i had 6 stars left.
rebekka x
Comment Written 27-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2014
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rebekka, thank you so much for your generous response to this poem :-) Brooke
Comment from Preston McWhorter
Hi,:-) Brooke,
"If I Can't Make the Shot" is an excellent poem with good meter, rhyme, figurative language and imagery. (If I cam't make the shot) The rhyme scheme is followed consistently. The form which is difficult is adhered to.It is unusual, and creative. The lesson of being persistent and creative in achieving life goals is well presented.
Preston
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2014
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Hi,:-) Brooke,
"If I Can't Make the Shot" is an excellent poem with good meter, rhyme, figurative language and imagery. (If I cam't make the shot) The rhyme scheme is followed consistently. The form which is difficult is adhered to.It is unusual, and creative. The lesson of being persistent and creative in achieving life goals is well presented.
Preston
Comment Written 27-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2014
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Preston, thanks so much for your review :-) Brooke
Comment from rama devi
Another great addition to your quatrains based on Sawyer and his adorable pictures. :) Excellent flow and rhyming with a smattering of alliteration. Especially liked this line:
and if my bubble's burst, I'll dream a different dream.
I like this one here--well applied reverse syntax:
If answers I have not, I'll ask what I don't know.
Like this too:
If I can't swim the sea, I'll find myself a boat
that sails to distant shores while I am kept afloat.
The meaning is nice but also the alliteration and consonance of S and the subtle echo of C-K sounds and the clever rhyme pair.
Cute presentation. ;)
Warmly,
rd
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2014
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Another great addition to your quatrains based on Sawyer and his adorable pictures. :) Excellent flow and rhyming with a smattering of alliteration. Especially liked this line:
and if my bubble's burst, I'll dream a different dream.
I like this one here--well applied reverse syntax:
If answers I have not, I'll ask what I don't know.
Like this too:
If I can't swim the sea, I'll find myself a boat
that sails to distant shores while I am kept afloat.
The meaning is nice but also the alliteration and consonance of S and the subtle echo of C-K sounds and the clever rhyme pair.
Cute presentation. ;)
Warmly,
rd
Comment Written 26-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2014
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thanks so much, rd - as always your review is thorough and attentive :-) Brooke
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:-)))
Comment from Dawn Munro
Okay, you've done it; I have to say, I do NOT think I've read a more inspiring poem, my friend - seriously! You are just amazing! I'm keeping this one for those times I feel overwhelmed...(*smile*)
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2014
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Okay, you've done it; I have to say, I do NOT think I've read a more inspiring poem, my friend - seriously! You are just amazing! I'm keeping this one for those times I feel overwhelmed...(*smile*)
Comment Written 26-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2014
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Dawn, thank you so much, my friend :-) Brooke
Comment from amahra
Wow you are really posting today. I can hardly keep up with you. I like the story. It's meaningful in building a child's character in overcoming obstacle's.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2014
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Wow you are really posting today. I can hardly keep up with you. I like the story. It's meaningful in building a child's character in overcoming obstacle's.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2014
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Thanks so much, amahra :-) Brooke
Comment from djsaxon
Go Sawyer! I love that Sawyer continues to inspire and entertain. Consistent AABB throughout. Great positive affirmation in the face of all sorts of 'challenges'. We should all learn to stand on tippy-toe. Love it - DJ
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2014
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Go Sawyer! I love that Sawyer continues to inspire and entertain. Consistent AABB throughout. Great positive affirmation in the face of all sorts of 'challenges'. We should all learn to stand on tippy-toe. Love it - DJ
Comment Written 26-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2014
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djsaxon, thank you so much for your generous rating and thoughtful comments :-) Brooke