cinquains
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "Motherless Child"cinquain poetry
88 total reviews
Comment from Rabianabian
Hmm. I don't know what to say about this one. It is very good. I think you present and lot of emotion in a very short poem. Excellent job.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2009
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Hmm. I don't know what to say about this one. It is very good. I think you present and lot of emotion in a very short poem. Excellent job.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2009
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Mary, thank you - this poem is so personal to me, so I am very glad you like it. Brooke :-)
Comment from Adri7enne
Beautiful, Brooke! You must have been quite young when your mother passed. How sad! But you obviously have wonderful, comforting memories of her. This is a lovely tribute to those memories.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2009
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Beautiful, Brooke! You must have been quite young when your mother passed. How sad! But you obviously have wonderful, comforting memories of her. This is a lovely tribute to those memories.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2009
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It was two weeks past my eighth birthday. Yes, fantastic memories :-) Thanks, Brooke
Comment from debskatz
Hi brooke,
Most definitely a sad poem. It's funny, but I don't think there's a more heart-wrenching phrase than "motherless child." And you were so young when she died. I know it's been 50 years, but I am sorry for your loss.
love,
deb
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2009
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Hi brooke,
Most definitely a sad poem. It's funny, but I don't think there's a more heart-wrenching phrase than "motherless child." And you were so young when she died. I know it's been 50 years, but I am sorry for your loss.
love,
deb
Comment Written 24-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2009
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Deb, thank you - and yes, 50 years later, I truly appreciate your condolences :-) Brooke
Comment from joan marie
I beautiful picture, I was hoping it was you and her. But, still a great tribute to her. That is such a long time but she did something right the time you were together. From what I read from you she intilled beauty into your heart. joan marie
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2009
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I beautiful picture, I was hoping it was you and her. But, still a great tribute to her. That is such a long time but she did something right the time you were together. From what I read from you she intilled beauty into your heart. joan marie
Comment Written 24-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2009
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Joan Marie, thank you :-) You are most kind! Brooke
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You have motivated me to do a series. It is on the Seven Deadly Sins. Will start with a short essay followed by each sin done in an acrostic form. I am really excited. Did the research yesterday and thanks for reading me and giving me motivation to try harder. joan marie
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That sounds like a fascinating series - I can't wait! Brooke
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Am looking at the research and fingers are warmed up. jm
Comment from WRITER1
This is a very good piece, if I am correct wasn't Sibel a movie true story. I believe it was child abuse and she had several different identities.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2009
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This is a very good piece, if I am correct wasn't Sibel a movie true story. I believe it was child abuse and she had several different identities.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2009
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Oh, no, that was Sybl, which has a short i sound to it and is a woman's name - my maiden name was Sibel, which rhymes with Bible. LOL Thank you, Brooke :-)
Comment from Roisin
Gosh Brooke. You've certainly managed to make such few words immensely powerful. It's brought tears to my eyes. I pressume you're writing this about somebody close to you? Or is it about somebody famous that I should probably know? Either ways, it doesn't matter who it's about, it's the thought of a motherless child trying to remember her mother's face that's so emotional. Great writing.
Hugs
Roisin
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2009
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Gosh Brooke. You've certainly managed to make such few words immensely powerful. It's brought tears to my eyes. I pressume you're writing this about somebody close to you? Or is it about somebody famous that I should probably know? Either ways, it doesn't matter who it's about, it's the thought of a motherless child trying to remember her mother's face that's so emotional. Great writing.
Hugs
Roisin
Comment Written 24-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2009
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It's about the upcoming 50th anniversary of my mother's death, who died days after I turned 8. She would have been 100 later this year had she lived - as it is she didn't quite make her 50th birthday. Thank you, Brooke :-)
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Gosh, now you've really made me cry! How awful for you. One of my daughters is going to be eight this year and I just couldn't imagine what she'd do without me. She's very attached to me, as most children are with their moms at that age. I'm really sorry for your loss. I'm sure it still hurts, even though it's been such a long time. When you mentioned that your mother would have been 100 soon, made me think of another poem I've read on this site. Have you ever read Nanette Mary's poem 'The Dolls'. It's wonderful and the picture she used was taken on Christmas Day exactly one hundred years ago, and is of her mother and sisters. It's well worth a read if you haven't done so already.
Hugs
Roisin
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I'll have to check - I read many of her poems. Thanks so much for your comments - as a mother, you understand - can you imagine what my mother went through in her final months with cancer, knowing she was going to leave me? And her two older daughters were both pregnant for the first time - she died less than two weeks before both of them gave birth. Brooke
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Oh my gosh! It gets worse. How awful for her. Did she try to hang on until she saw the babies? It's like something you'd see in a movie - I'm so moved by your story. I had a school friend who got leukemia when she was only twenty. She already had a two year old boy at that stage. She faught so hard. She went to London and had a bone marrow transplant and it seemed to work very well. However, she got into difficulties some months later. Her boy was due to make his First Holy Communion and she desperately wanted to hang on for that. She didn't make it. She spent her last few months in bed in her home, knowing what was coming and looking at her little boy, knowing she was going to leave him. Her own mother had never been able to conceive and so had adopted Christine, so you can imagine how that mother felt, losing her precious child after all she'd been through. She had no other children. I'll never forget the funeral. Her best friend read a poem that she had written herself just before she died, all about how she was an angel in our pockets and would always look out for us. It was heart-breaking. Your poem has really made me think about things. I really do appreciate my life as it is, but you've made me a little bit more aware and want to live every day to the full. I'm just going to cuddle up on the couch with my children now and thank God for my blessings.
Hugs
Roisin
PS Please send me the date of your mother's 100 birthday and I'll light a candle at our church for her on that day. x
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Her birthday is August 30. What a lovely gesture - thank you so much. I do not remember the months of her dying since in a misguided attempt to protect me, she and the rest of my family kept me away from her as much as humanly possible. My memory of those months has been wiped out. Today's child care and psychology experts would not have advised them to exclude me, but they did it out of the best of intentions. I also did not attend the funeral. They did it all wrong, but they meant it all right. I honestly don't think I was given a chance to say good bye to her and have her say good bye to me. The night she died I was sent to sleepover at my friend's, whose back yard adjoined my back yard. I watched the light in my mother's window late into the night - this is where my memory resumes. I remember that night, praying to God, promising I would be a good girl forever if He would spare her, and then finally watching the light go off in the wee hours. They even sent me to school the next day and had our neighbor, a retired minister, meet me at the school bus when the day was over to tell me the news. If you ever have any harsh realities in your family, I suggest you don't try to keep your children in the dark. Fifty years later, I suffer from the effects. Brooke :-)
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Oh I completely agree with you. Luckily we haven't had too much trauma in our lives that we've had to deal with, but I do believe in including the children in as much as we can or as much as is suitable for them. I don't know if you ever read my poem 'Grandad'. It's about when my husband's dad died last year and how we handled things with our children. It has a serious theme but ended with a very funny thing. It's a true story. But I did soul-search a lot when he was sick, wondering how much to include them. I think I did the right thing in the end. If you haven't read it, I'd love to hear what you think.
Hugs
Roisin
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I will look for it in your portfolio. Brooke
Comment from Fleedleflump
Without
a reference point,
despite his heart's demise,
he wishes for the love she shone
on him.
*
afraid
to show the fear,
desiring her near,
fumbling and tumbling words upon
the floor.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2009
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Without
a reference point,
despite his heart's demise,
he wishes for the love she shone
on him.
*
afraid
to show the fear,
desiring her near,
fumbling and tumbling words upon
the floor.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2009
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Mike - you're a talented and thoughtful guy - :-) Brooke
Comment from Domino
You have my condolences, Brooke, as this is obviously the telling of a terrible family bereavement. Not sure if maybe you mum or sister, but that's irrelevent to the heart-rending miss you portray in your poem.
I still my mum most nights after 14 years, but even though she was the best mum in the world, my dreams are never nice. Well said, Ray xx
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2009
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You have my condolences, Brooke, as this is obviously the telling of a terrible family bereavement. Not sure if maybe you mum or sister, but that's irrelevent to the heart-rending miss you portray in your poem.
I still my mum most nights after 14 years, but even though she was the best mum in the world, my dreams are never nice. Well said, Ray xx
Comment Written 24-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2009
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Thank you, Ray - this is about the upcoming 50th anniversary of my mother's death, a defining moment in my life. Brooke :-)
Comment from Aussie
Realising your poem is a cinquain; I still would have liked the last line to read; her loving face. I guess that isn't possible. So, I did like the artwork and your loving words, short but oh, so sweet. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2009
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Realising your poem is a cinquain; I still would have liked the last line to read; her loving face. I guess that isn't possible. So, I did like the artwork and your loving words, short but oh, so sweet. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2009
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Kay, I understand your sentiments. Thanks, Brooke :-)
Comment from behindthesmile86
Excellent poem! The message you convey through your poem is very powerful. The poem is short yet direct, expressing the longing for an absent loved one. I like how the poem indicates that the image of the absent mother has never faded, regardless of the amount of time that has passed.
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2009
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Excellent poem! The message you convey through your poem is very powerful. The poem is short yet direct, expressing the longing for an absent loved one. I like how the poem indicates that the image of the absent mother has never faded, regardless of the amount of time that has passed.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2009
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Thank you for your perceptive review :-) Brooke
