The World of Art
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The Patriot"cinquain series
73 total reviews
Comment from Algernon
Lest we forget. I lost my great uncle Oliver on Oct 13 1915 at the battle of Loos. Due to lack of smoke screen.
My father fought in WW2 in the battle of the Atlantic.
Only now does he talk about. In fact if you google Rushen Castle K372, there are pic's of my dad in WW2. John Turner. Before they used it as a weather ship, in peace time.
Top rate, write.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
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Lest we forget. I lost my great uncle Oliver on Oct 13 1915 at the battle of Loos. Due to lack of smoke screen.
My father fought in WW2 in the battle of the Atlantic.
Only now does he talk about. In fact if you google Rushen Castle K372, there are pic's of my dad in WW2. John Turner. Before they used it as a weather ship, in peace time.
Top rate, write.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
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My dad never spoke of his navy experiences in the Pacific, at least not to me - and he was a natural-born story teller. They say Wyeth had to persuade this man to pose and then only in a room closed off from where anyone could watch. Thanks for sharing your family's experiences and your review, Brooke
Comment from Domino
Hi, Brooke
Just a weeny respectful suggestion ta avoid repeated 'his'
'With pride
Lit in his face' - also more 'active' rather than 'passive' in style ?
Nice rhyme and excellent content.
Best wishes, Ray xx
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
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Hi, Brooke
Just a weeny respectful suggestion ta avoid repeated 'his'
'With pride
Lit in his face' - also more 'active' rather than 'passive' in style ?
Nice rhyme and excellent content.
Best wishes, Ray xx
Comment Written 08-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
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Ray, I love how you tiptoe into your weensy suggestion. LOL
I won't bite. I'll think about it. I always tick Reggie off whenever I write anything antiwar or left wing, so since I love this portrait, I figured it was a great chance to say something patriotic and really mean it. Glad you like it - thanks, Brooke
Comment from rmdelta
Brooke,
Wow, I am honored you did this, Brooke. I really do appreciate it and am humbled by it. It's beautifully written and now, I'm at a loss for words. Thank you.
Reggie
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
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Brooke,
Wow, I am honored you did this, Brooke. I really do appreciate it and am humbled by it. It's beautifully written and now, I'm at a loss for words. Thank you.
Reggie
Comment Written 08-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
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Reggie - I was honored to do it - this old veteran sums up for me all those values men of valor have taken into battle, and I automatically thought of you when I was reminded of this portrait, a longtime favorite of mine. Glad you like it, Brooke
Comment from AlvinTEthington
As usual, a cinquain inspired by a painting. You have the syllabic form down and the title works well into the poem. However, the way you have punctuated it has the turn at the middle line, which I don't see often, but Crapsey's "The Triad" is punctuated the same way, except with a colon and a period instead of two periods. However, one could argue in that poem the turn comes at the last line. But there is a very similar construction here to Crapsey's "The Triad", as one could argue the turn could be seen at the last line in this poem. Essentially, I see this very much structurally like "The Triad." The subject matter is especially dear to me, for I am pro-military (better pay, free child care), but anti-war. That sounds close to your position.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
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As usual, a cinquain inspired by a painting. You have the syllabic form down and the title works well into the poem. However, the way you have punctuated it has the turn at the middle line, which I don't see often, but Crapsey's "The Triad" is punctuated the same way, except with a colon and a period instead of two periods. However, one could argue in that poem the turn comes at the last line. But there is a very similar construction here to Crapsey's "The Triad", as one could argue the turn could be seen at the last line in this poem. Essentially, I see this very much structurally like "The Triad." The subject matter is especially dear to me, for I am pro-military (better pay, free child care), but anti-war. That sounds close to your position.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
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Yes, it is pretty much my opinion too - the military is needed to deter and to defend, and those who serve deserve excellent medical care, decent pay. It's the leaders who get into unnecessary wars my beef is with - and thank you so much for your careful attention to the structure - I was actually thinking of you as I wrote this one as I asked myself - where is the turn? I thought "the blood" as the turn as it goes from a mood of the old guy looking happy with his past to the reality of what he actually faced.
Thank you so much, as always, Brooke
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I think the preposition "with" before "the blood" makes it structurally difficult for the turn to be at "the blood."
Al
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gotcha - you have a point
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gotcha - you have a point
Comment from Nicnac
Hi Brooke.
The elderly patriot in this artwork looks rather dignified and content.
Your cinquain's description is flawless. An interesting read. :o)
Blessings,
~Nic
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
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Hi Brooke.
The elderly patriot in this artwork looks rather dignified and content.
Your cinquain's description is flawless. An interesting read. :o)
Blessings,
~Nic
Comment Written 08-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
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Nic, thank you!! Brooke
Comment from Jazh
This is a wonderful poem. Such a lovely portrait of a veteran. My Grandpa was a vet, although a Digger, not a Yank, and I can see his face in this, on Anzac Day. Ending with that alliteration "grit and grace" was a great move. :)
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
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This is a wonderful poem. Such a lovely portrait of a veteran. My Grandpa was a vet, although a Digger, not a Yank, and I can see his face in this, on Anzac Day. Ending with that alliteration "grit and grace" was a great move. :)
Comment Written 08-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
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grit was the final word - it took me forever to finish that piece of the puzzle - thank you so much for appreciating it as it nearly did me in! Brooke
Comment from jaeladarling
You have done beautifully, yet again. My grandpa fought in the Korean war, as well as WWII, and my dad fought in Vietnam. Two of my sisters served more recently, and one of my sisters is currently in the National Guard. While I detest war, I am proud to have a family that does its part to protect our nation.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
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You have done beautifully, yet again. My grandpa fought in the Korean war, as well as WWII, and my dad fought in Vietnam. Two of my sisters served more recently, and one of my sisters is currently in the National Guard. While I detest war, I am proud to have a family that does its part to protect our nation.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
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Thank you for sharing your family's proud legacy - and for your review, Brooke
Comment from IndianaIrish
This is perfect, Brooke! A wonderful poem dedicated to our Reggie!! Don't you just love this soldier's face? Makes me want to hug him real tight.
Smiles,
Indy :>)
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
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This is perfect, Brooke! A wonderful poem dedicated to our Reggie!! Don't you just love this soldier's face? Makes me want to hug him real tight.
Smiles,
Indy :>)
Comment Written 08-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
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Indy, thank you so much for this most understanding and thoughtful response, Brooke
Comment from earthlybeing
This is a great poem. I loved your notes. I also protest war but you are so right on about the men who are called to fight. Most go because of duty but would prefer no war. It is not their fault for the war and we should honor them. My father also was in WWII and hubby was drafted in Vietnam. Thanks, Jeanette
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
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This is a great poem. I loved your notes. I also protest war but you are so right on about the men who are called to fight. Most go because of duty but would prefer no war. It is not their fault for the war and we should honor them. My father also was in WWII and hubby was drafted in Vietnam. Thanks, Jeanette
Comment Written 08-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
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Jeanette, thank you for understanding exactly what I am saying - Brooke
Comment from Joan E.
I'm not as familiar with this painting as the others that have inspired you, but I was able to see this proud veteran through your carefully chosen words. I really enjoyed the alliteration and contrast of "grit" and "grace." And, based on the information in your notes, your color choice was perfect.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
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I'm not as familiar with this painting as the others that have inspired you, but I was able to see this proud veteran through your carefully chosen words. I really enjoyed the alliteration and contrast of "grit" and "grace." And, based on the information in your notes, your color choice was perfect.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2009
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It took me two hours to get grit and grace, so thank you - grit was the final piece of the puzzle in a line that just would not work! Brooke
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Thanks for sharing that behind the scenes ordeal. Your writing always seems so effortless--but your secret is good with me!
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I wish I had a poetry fairy that just supplied the words LOL
