Ten Elephants
Elephants march to their sunset.56 total reviews
Comment from Dean Kuch
It's so terrible that a majestic animal like the elephant would be killed, slaughtered then butchered simply for it's ivory tusks. But you're absolutely right, it does happen, despite efforts to prevent it. It's a lot like killing a beautiful, massive buck just for it's rack and head to use for a wall trophy. Unless you eat the venison, of course.
A well composed poem with a very pertinent message to convey. Best of luck to you in the contest. ~Dean
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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It's so terrible that a majestic animal like the elephant would be killed, slaughtered then butchered simply for it's ivory tusks. But you're absolutely right, it does happen, despite efforts to prevent it. It's a lot like killing a beautiful, massive buck just for it's rack and head to use for a wall trophy. Unless you eat the venison, of course.
A well composed poem with a very pertinent message to convey. Best of luck to you in the contest. ~Dean
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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Thank you, Dean, for your kind review. I researched elephant poaching to write this poem and I am aghast at how rapidly and the techniques poachers are killing them. I added this omitted stanza after your review:
Two elephants trudged to the setting sun.
A tank mine blew up. The herd shrank to one.
Yes, poachers use anti-tank mines to kill elephants. I state the facts. I thank you for encouraging me not to look away from horror.
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Thank you, Dean, for your kind review. I researched elephant poaching to write this poem and I am aghast at how rapidly and the techniques poachers are killing them. I added this omitted stanza after your review:
Two elephants trudged to the setting sun.
A tank mine blew up. The herd shrank to one.
Yes, poachers use anti-tank mines to kill elephants. I state the facts. I thank you for encouraging me not to look away from horror.
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You are more than welcome. That is truly sad. Elephants are such noble animals.
Take care. ~Dean
Comment from Eigle Rull
This is a very sad poem, my friend. It is interesting and it held my attention very well. I love all animals, I think more than most humans. Isn't it sad that a person feels so bad about what their human race has done that he is compelled to write a poem about it? I feel your pain, my friend.
Always with respect,
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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This is a very sad poem, my friend. It is interesting and it held my attention very well. I love all animals, I think more than most humans. Isn't it sad that a person feels so bad about what their human race has done that he is compelled to write a poem about it? I feel your pain, my friend.
Always with respect,
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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This is horrible. I never knew how bad poaching was until I Googled bloody pictures of decapitated elephants and read the statistics. I felt nauseous. I conveyed that horror to my poem. Thank you for your review.
Comment from LIJ Red
And the crappy part is that elephants are fairly intelligent social animals. But the
day is fast coming, speeded up by global warming and drought, that there will be no room for any living things on earth but man and his crops and herds. Well said.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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And the crappy part is that elephants are fairly intelligent social animals. But the
day is fast coming, speeded up by global warming and drought, that there will be no room for any living things on earth but man and his crops and herds. Well said.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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Yes, I am impressed that elephants are highly social and intelligent. They are also known to grieve. When we kill them, we kill ourselves. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day mate, this is a great piece written with style on a very sad and tragic topic. As an Australian bushman this means a lot to me. I think you have a big chance in this contest and I wish you luck, cheers Fez
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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G'day mate, this is a great piece written with style on a very sad and tragic topic. As an Australian bushman this means a lot to me. I think you have a big chance in this contest and I wish you luck, cheers Fez
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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Thanks, Fez, I knew the problem was bad, but I did not know how bad until I researched elephant poaching for my poem. I was aghast at what I read and saw. I put it in my poem and my author's notes. Thanks for the review and the contest well wishes.
Comment from Glasstruth
Very clever. Like how you go through the numbers. Flowed smoothly as wind over silk. Read your authors which I suspect many won't do. I see how Brooke influenced you. It shows that we writers need each other to improve and have a reason to write. Superbly written. Les
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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Very clever. Like how you go through the numbers. Flowed smoothly as wind over silk. Read your authors which I suspect many won't do. I see how Brooke influenced you. It shows that we writers need each other to improve and have a reason to write. Superbly written. Les
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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Thank you for your kind review. I never imagined in my wildest dream that I would write a counting poem. I saw a deflected image in her poem and went with it. Yes, we writers need each other to improve and have a reason to write.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
I think using animals to teach children about death is probably a quite innocuous way to present the theme as children often relate to animals in a positive way. The shrinking to none theme is popular with children, anyway, and so they can relate in a way that would seem non-threatening.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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I think using animals to teach children about death is probably a quite innocuous way to present the theme as children often relate to animals in a positive way. The shrinking to none theme is popular with children, anyway, and so they can relate in a way that would seem non-threatening.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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Thank you for your review. I agree with you that using animals to teach children about death is evasive. My poem is an unvarnished view of a species that grieves like humans do. Thanks for your review and thoughts.
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Okay, thanks for pointing out the reference that I didn't get on that. It makes the poem that much more meaningful!
