Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 45 "Chapter 13, part 3"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
69 total reviews
Comment from Jonez08
Barbara, I enjoyed this chapter. It totally took me by surprise when Steven was arrested. I got a chuckle too when Matt hung up laughing. How silly can this get, I guess just like real life, mistakes happen. I look forward to the next chapter.
But, as of now, he's spending the night behind bars.(")
When Leya entered the sheriff's office, Matt walked to her
(before this line consider an extra space or *** to indicate a new scene, you could double space and start the next sentence with something like: A short time later, Leya entered the sheriff's office... not necessarily that but something to separate the scenes)
"So the argument (he told me about was you were leaving) him hoping to keep him safe from your family?"
(I know this is dialog but I couldn't quite make out what you were saying, maybe a comma after 'was' and/or him)
Cassandra
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
  |
Barbara, I enjoyed this chapter. It totally took me by surprise when Steven was arrested. I got a chuckle too when Matt hung up laughing. How silly can this get, I guess just like real life, mistakes happen. I look forward to the next chapter.
But, as of now, he's spending the night behind bars.(")
When Leya entered the sheriff's office, Matt walked to her
(before this line consider an extra space or *** to indicate a new scene, you could double space and start the next sentence with something like: A short time later, Leya entered the sheriff's office... not necessarily that but something to separate the scenes)
"So the argument (he told me about was you were leaving) him hoping to keep him safe from your family?"
(I know this is dialog but I couldn't quite make out what you were saying, maybe a comma after 'was' and/or him)
Cassandra
Comment Written 01-May-2010
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
-
Thank you for your review and support. I will check those areas.
-
You're welcome! I am enjoying.
Comment from essence56
Excellent Chapter. I will continue to watch for the next. I am caught up in this storyline and can't wait to reading it's ending.l Awesome suspense writer.Good Job
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
|
Excellent Chapter. I will continue to watch for the next. I am caught up in this storyline and can't wait to reading it's ending.l Awesome suspense writer.Good Job
Comment Written 01-May-2010
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from jwlee211
Such a sad ending. So true though how small misunderstandings continue to grow until the tension becomes too much. I hope that they are able to work out their problem in later chapters.
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
|
Such a sad ending. So true though how small misunderstandings continue to grow until the tension becomes too much. I hope that they are able to work out their problem in later chapters.
Comment Written 01-May-2010
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
-
There's bumpy rollercoaster ride until the end. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from yellowrosebud
I think this is very good it holds your attention and you want to read more.I only read one page of chap 45 and I loved it how doo i read more.Very Well Done!
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
|
I think this is very good it holds your attention and you want to read more.I only read one page of chap 45 and I loved it how doo i read more.Very Well Done!
Comment Written 01-May-2010
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
-
Thank you for your kind words. You can go into my profile and read from chapter 1 until this chapter.
Comment from spiceydog
I have not read anything that came before this passage. But even without any background I immediately cared about your characters and wanted to know what would happen to them next. The dialogue is very realistic and flows naturally. I hope I have an opportunity to read more of this
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
|
I have not read anything that came before this passage. But even without any background I immediately cared about your characters and wanted to know what would happen to them next. The dialogue is very realistic and flows naturally. I hope I have an opportunity to read more of this
Comment Written 01-May-2010
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from RebelRose
Wow, he got out of jail quicker than I thought he would but that's good. Now, I can't wait to see what happens next. Great chapter.
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
|
Wow, he got out of jail quicker than I thought he would but that's good. Now, I can't wait to see what happens next. Great chapter.
Comment Written 01-May-2010
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from kleblanc
Great chapter and story. As soon as I started reading I felt like I was watching a movie. Great job, nice work, Thanks, Kristy
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
|
Great chapter and story. As soon as I started reading I felt like I was watching a movie. Great job, nice work, Thanks, Kristy
Comment Written 01-May-2010
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from dragonqueen1983
this story keeps getting more and more complicateed. i find it very relatable and enjoy reading it. would love to see it as a movie
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
|
this story keeps getting more and more complicateed. i find it very relatable and enjoy reading it. would love to see it as a movie
Comment Written 01-May-2010
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Poor Steven - under false-arrest, all through
a misunderstanding.
but no one saw her. - I think this needs to be..
but no one had seen her.
If you've seen her, [[you couldn't miss her.]] You'd take a second or third look." - This doesn't sound quite right -- how about - simply -
If you'd seen her, you'd most likely have taken a second or even a third look.
The sheriff stood
He stood behind Steven - here you've written he "stood" twice so close - perhaps you'd consider --
And before Steven realised what was happening, the sheriff had handcuffed him.
As the sheriff took Steven's arm, Steven yanked his arm away - "arm" twice!!..
The sheriff took him by the arm, but Steven yanked it away.
herself Leya Albright(,) entered - add comma
She cringed glancing at the gray steel bars - might you consider turning this around
Glancing at the gray, steel bars, she cringed.
An enjoyable read, Barbara.
Margaret.
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
|
Poor Steven - under false-arrest, all through
a misunderstanding.
but no one saw her. - I think this needs to be..
but no one had seen her.
If you've seen her, [[you couldn't miss her.]] You'd take a second or third look." - This doesn't sound quite right -- how about - simply -
If you'd seen her, you'd most likely have taken a second or even a third look.
The sheriff stood
He stood behind Steven - here you've written he "stood" twice so close - perhaps you'd consider --
And before Steven realised what was happening, the sheriff had handcuffed him.
As the sheriff took Steven's arm, Steven yanked his arm away - "arm" twice!!..
The sheriff took him by the arm, but Steven yanked it away.
herself Leya Albright(,) entered - add comma
She cringed glancing at the gray steel bars - might you consider turning this around
Glancing at the gray, steel bars, she cringed.
An enjoyable read, Barbara.
Margaret.
Comment Written 01-May-2010
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
-
I have taken care of those areas.
Comment from lola29
Barbara, this was an exciting chapter. Isn't it amazing how people are quick to jump to conclusions. Poor Steven, he's going through some difficult times. Leya sounds too immature lately. She made a mistake and should have stayed long enough to talk to Steven, but I'll bet you have something else in mind.
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
|
Barbara, this was an exciting chapter. Isn't it amazing how people are quick to jump to conclusions. Poor Steven, he's going through some difficult times. Leya sounds too immature lately. She made a mistake and should have stayed long enough to talk to Steven, but I'll bet you have something else in mind.
Comment Written 01-May-2010
reply by the author on 01-May-2010
-
What and see. Thank you for your kind review.
