Comment from Leineco

Excellent

How often we scurry by
look straight ahead
or down at our feet
unwilling
or afraid
to read the desperation
in a stranger's eyes.
Afraid we might just see
our own desperation
reflected.

moving write Steve

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014

Great thought about our own fear - fodder for another poem perhaps.

Thanks for the thoughtful review.

Steve

Comment from lalajovanoski

Good

it really captures the essence of it really captures the essence of the message that the author is executing well composed
good luck in the contest.
Xo

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014

Thanks for the kind words.

Steve

Comment from Drew Delaney

Excellent

This is so sad. I am thinking this is about a homeless person. But your photo and words are like magic. Love this Naani. I didn't know you could have such lovely writing with so few words. It really tells a story in 24 syllables. Quite a feat accomplished, I would say. Good for you!

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014

Thanks, Drew. Glad you enjoyed.

Steve

Comment from Janet Foor

Excellent

A thought provoking poem. Sometimes I try to write a back story for people I see. Where have they been? Where are they going? Are they happy, lonely etc?
Good Naani.

Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014

Thanks for the review.

Yes, I wanted to leave this man's back-story open to the reader's interpretation.

Steve

Comment from amahra

Excellent

He's dressed awfully nice to be lonely. But I guess every lonely person isn't homeless. Thanks for the posting of another fine poem, kiwisteveh.

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014

Thank you - one of the problems of attaching a picture to a poem is that the reader uses that instead of simply relying on the words of the poem.

Steve

reply by amahra on 19-Sep-2014

Oh come on! I thought you and I were fanstory buddies. How can you just throw me in the mix of reviewers who would do that to you. How many reviews have you thanked me for. Do you really believe all my reviews were about your art work?

reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014

I do appreciate your reviews. For some reason this piece has attracted a lot of comment about the artwork and that always throws me a bit - I don't want the picture to be a part of the poem. Perhaps I should do as other writers have and stop including art with the poem..... :O)

Steve

reply by amahra on 19-Sep-2014

No don't stop including the art. I'm really sorry about mentioning the picture. I didn't know others were badgering you about it. The photo is fine. I was just nitpicking. I need to stop doing that.

reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014

:O)

Steve

Comment from harmony13

Excellent

Excellent Poem! The poem is creative and thought provoking.
The author's words were deep and strong. The reader pondered on this poem. The artwork is perfect.

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014

Thanks for the kind words.

Steve

Comment from mermaids

Excellent

Your words create a clear scene that is true to life and brings up feelings and emotions. How often have we walked by this lonely person. Excellent naani form.

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014

Thank you!

Steve

Comment from Genya

Excellent

The perfect picture for the silent man who sits alone. Smiles a desperate plea at all who pass by. This got me thinking...what did he need, what was wrong, homeless.....so many questions ran through my head whilst reading the last two lines. Very powerful and told in only a few words. Genya

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014

Thanks, Genya.

That's exactly what I was after - the reader to start wondering who the man was and why he was there.

Steve

Comment from Sasha

Excellent

Excellent naani with a powerful message. We never know what someone is thinking and no matter how hard we try, we never will. Terrific entry for this contest and I sincerely wish you all the best.

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014

Thanks, Sasha.... that's why I left this man's story very open.

Steve

Comment from drivenbackward

Excellent

Ooh, that's good, Kiwi. That third line is just so hard-hitting. I was close to a sixer here, but they're just given out like candy now that it doesn't really mean much. Reviewers used to have access to fewer per month. Anyway, great poem!

 Comment Written 19-Sep-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Sep-2014

Thank you!

Steve