Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 49 "Chapter 15; part 1"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
58 total reviews
Comment from Ann Smith
I'm not good with suspense and even when I'm watching a movie or television show, I what to know what is going to happen next. I hope they find her in time. The details and dialogue were so good I felt like I could reach out and touch each person. Just fourteen more pages, you have a lot of explaining to do. ann
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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I'm not good with suspense and even when I'm watching a movie or television show, I what to know what is going to happen next. I hope they find her in time. The details and dialogue were so good I felt like I could reach out and touch each person. Just fourteen more pages, you have a lot of explaining to do. ann
Comment Written 30-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate your support.
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You are welcome. ann
Comment from bookishfabler
fourteen pages? are you kidding? As I begun this chapter I thought to my self, I said, "self, I really like this book. I thought it was a thriller at first but it turned out to be a romance, heck, I still like it. ( you have done a great job with your characters. your dialogue is great. I really don't mind the lengh, in fact thought that was good too.
As you know, I write more dramatic- thriller mystery, so, here are my little tiny suggestions.
and something hit the back of his head, knocking him unconscious. (This is where I come in-- How about something less telling. we are with Steven in his head.
He turned the corner toward Leya's room when he felt sharp pain on the back of his head, then everything went black.
A nurse found Steven lying on the floor. At the same time Ralph walked up and asked, "What happened?" Ralph and the nurse helped Steven to his feet.
(Put yourself in Steven's mind.
how about Steven woke to a nurse hovering over him, in the corner of his eye, he saw Ralph rushing over to him.
In an attempt to stand, he almost fell.
How about, He attempted to stand up, but had to brace himseld , his head still spinning- something like that. more showing
feel Steven. Put yourself in his head. Other than that- Brillant.
hugs
book
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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fourteen pages? are you kidding? As I begun this chapter I thought to my self, I said, "self, I really like this book. I thought it was a thriller at first but it turned out to be a romance, heck, I still like it. ( you have done a great job with your characters. your dialogue is great. I really don't mind the lengh, in fact thought that was good too.
As you know, I write more dramatic- thriller mystery, so, here are my little tiny suggestions.
and something hit the back of his head, knocking him unconscious. (This is where I come in-- How about something less telling. we are with Steven in his head.
He turned the corner toward Leya's room when he felt sharp pain on the back of his head, then everything went black.
A nurse found Steven lying on the floor. At the same time Ralph walked up and asked, "What happened?" Ralph and the nurse helped Steven to his feet.
(Put yourself in Steven's mind.
how about Steven woke to a nurse hovering over him, in the corner of his eye, he saw Ralph rushing over to him.
In an attempt to stand, he almost fell.
How about, He attempted to stand up, but had to brace himseld , his head still spinning- something like that. more showing
feel Steven. Put yourself in his head. Other than that- Brillant.
hugs
book
Comment Written 30-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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You should really enjoy my next post. I am trying to fix it right now. I will get on these areas. I appreciate your help.
Comment from wierdgrace
as always you are the best, and I must say I enjoy reading your chapters at night when it is quiet, and I started this one early and finished now, well done, thank you so much and can not wait for the fourteen to come.
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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as always you are the best, and I must say I enjoy reading your chapters at night when it is quiet, and I started this one early and finished now, well done, thank you so much and can not wait for the fourteen to come.
Comment Written 30-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and I appreciate your support.
Comment from Perp Ihebom
This too is an interesting chapter that throws more light on the plot. For me, the discovery of the nature of Hector's relationship with Carlos explains a lot of events that have taken place in the story. kudos
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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This too is an interesting chapter that throws more light on the plot. For me, the discovery of the nature of Hector's relationship with Carlos explains a lot of events that have taken place in the story. kudos
Comment Written 30-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from marcii
A good chapter with plenty going on, though not confusing.
I think I need to read more of the earlier chapters so I can understand the characters more.
A good read.
Marcii
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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A good chapter with plenty going on, though not confusing.
I think I need to read more of the earlier chapters so I can understand the characters more.
A good read.
Marcii
Comment Written 30-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Harrisa
Leya is in major danger if Carlos men has her. Steven and his team need to hurry before anything happens to her. This was a good chapter, and I can feel the tension and urgency of the situation.
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Leya is in major danger if Carlos men has her. Steven and his team need to hurry before anything happens to her. This was a good chapter, and I can feel the tension and urgency of the situation.
Comment Written 30-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Connie P
Very nice action packed chapter. Leya's room was obviously being closely watched if they snagged her while Steven went for coffee. I suppose since Carlos would marry her outside the U. S. it wouldn't matter about her being married already (as far as the legal claims to his estate go).
I hesitate to make any suggestion, but "drug lord conference" sounds slightly benign. Whenever drug lords come together it is very clandestine and dangerous. Just me being analytical I suppose.
I hope she's found before any more harm is done and I hope she doesn't blame Steven for not being in the room.
Connie
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Very nice action packed chapter. Leya's room was obviously being closely watched if they snagged her while Steven went for coffee. I suppose since Carlos would marry her outside the U. S. it wouldn't matter about her being married already (as far as the legal claims to his estate go).
I hesitate to make any suggestion, but "drug lord conference" sounds slightly benign. Whenever drug lords come together it is very clandestine and dangerous. Just me being analytical I suppose.
I hope she's found before any more harm is done and I hope she doesn't blame Steven for not being in the room.
Connie
Comment Written 30-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Thank you for the review. I will take your thougths about the drug lord conference under consideration.
Comment from Joan E.
I liked you subtle foreshadowing with your emphasis on Steven's making sure that Leya was quite asleep before he left the room! (I think in Geoff's line, it needs to be 'dizziness.') I enjoyed your "thickening the plot" and also adding information about Peggy's gambling debt. Your chapters are always "page-turners."
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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I liked you subtle foreshadowing with your emphasis on Steven's making sure that Leya was quite asleep before he left the room! (I think in Geoff's line, it needs to be 'dizziness.') I enjoyed your "thickening the plot" and also adding information about Peggy's gambling debt. Your chapters are always "page-turners."
Comment Written 30-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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I have already corrected the dizziness issure. Thank you for the kind review.
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My pleasure to be helpful, especially when I enjoy your storytelling so much. Happy Sunday- Joan
Comment from Begin Again
Barbara,
The transition from hoping love is in full bloom to full blown tension and kidnapping was superb. Always a fantastic read.
Carol
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Barbara,
The transition from hoping love is in full bloom to full blown tension and kidnapping was superb. Always a fantastic read.
Carol
Comment Written 30-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and continued support.
Comment from rama devi
Second review
Thanks for letting me know you're making the edits. Hugs, rd
First review (FOUR stars)
What an exciting, fast paced chapter. She's abducted!
It flows well, is easy to read, good dialog.
I think there are some places slightly redundant---these two key notes regarding Steven sing just slightly too often 1) his needing to take care of himself and 2) That she is his wife.
They are ever so slightly overplayed.
Otherwise, just a few tiny suggestions-
* I wonder if I complained about the how uncomfortable that chair is, (if) they'd do something about it.
*Michael teased, "Your brain works slowly without a concussion." the speech tag is superfluous here---I recommend deleting it.
*"Do either of you have information that might help us find Leya.(?)"
*He added more cream,(not sure you need this comma) before he continued,
As you know, I'm always happy to upgrade after edits.
Love, rd
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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Second review
Thanks for letting me know you're making the edits. Hugs, rd
First review (FOUR stars)
What an exciting, fast paced chapter. She's abducted!
It flows well, is easy to read, good dialog.
I think there are some places slightly redundant---these two key notes regarding Steven sing just slightly too often 1) his needing to take care of himself and 2) That she is his wife.
They are ever so slightly overplayed.
Otherwise, just a few tiny suggestions-
* I wonder if I complained about the how uncomfortable that chair is, (if) they'd do something about it.
*Michael teased, "Your brain works slowly without a concussion." the speech tag is superfluous here---I recommend deleting it.
*"Do either of you have information that might help us find Leya.(?)"
*He added more cream,(not sure you need this comma) before he continued,
As you know, I'm always happy to upgrade after edits.
Love, rd
Comment Written 30-May-2010
reply by the author on 30-May-2010
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I just printed the suggestions and am off to make them. The only one I am concerned about is the speech tag with Michael. I was concerned that my readers would get confused who was talking. I will reread and see if it's clear.
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I was never notified that you upgraded me to 5 stars. Thank you very much. I appreciate it.
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Oh, yes, there is no automatic notification. i usually mention it in a reply but sometimes forget to. Thanks for noticing! ;) Warmly, rd
